My Wii isn't working.

And Nintendo wants 75 bucks to repair it.




Great. Whatever.

This Week In Entertainment (3/2/10)

My Pick of the Week is Mega Man 10 for WiiWare. It's 10 bucks and a lot like Mega Man 9 from last year. I've already played it the last couple days and I still haven't beaten any robot masters, so I guess it's a good thing the game has an easy mode.



In theaters this week is the live action Alice in Wonderland. From what I can tell it has freaky designs so... yep, it's Tim Burton at the helm.

Also in theaters, IT IS TOO Bluebeard!



On DVD we have several people capitalizing on the Alice in Wonderland movie. However, it's interesting to see the tale from three different generations.

Here's a new classic NFL playoff game. Imagine an angry, angry radio man saying this: "THIS IS NOT DETROIT, MAN! THIS IS THE SUPER BOWL!"

Just for the title: Furry Hamsters from Hell

Here's another take on Dante's Inferno, with some freaky spider chick on the cover.

Finally, Bollywood is in trouble. We need a...Bollywood Hero!

Just a reminder about the Nintendo Media Summit

You will find no new news here. Yep, go look elsewhere.

This Week In Entertainment (2/8/10)

My Pick of the Week was just announced Saturday. It's Blaster Master: Overdrive for the Virtual Console. It's suppose to be a reimagining of the original Blaster Master for the NES. That game was tough but fun, and I hope this game is worth the 1000 Wii Points.



Also out this week in theaters is a movie just in time for Valentine's. It's Wolfman. Tell your gal I recommended this movie for your date night.

Also in theaters is Percy Jackson and the Olympians, which is about... I don't. Probably some Harry Potter knock off.


On DVD is Dante's Inferno. But it's not based on the divine comedy. It's based on the game that's based on that. I sometimes wish I was a teacher so I could grade the papers of the kids who think watching this video will help them write their book report or do well on their exams. By the way, one of the voice actors is The Joker himself, Mark Hamill!

Here's a set of Charlie Chaplin's best, from his famous silent stuff to his first talky, The Great Dictator.

No.

(I have to say that amazon really had sex on the brain this week. Usually it's all belly dancing but this week it was kama sutra videos.)



I usually ignore the PS3 and Xbox 360, but today marks the release of Dante's Inferno. I think it's a God of War clone. Not that I played that game either. I want to see this game just to see how accurate it is to the Divine Comedy. You know, just to make "Dante must be spinning..." jokes.


On the Wii is Super Monkey Ball: Step & Roll. I have yet to play one of these games. This one uses the Wii Balance Board.

Finally, on the Wii Virtual Console is Princess Tomato and the Salad Kingdom. It's a game where you get to smack your persimmon buddy around.

This Week In Entertainment (2/2/10)

My Pick of the Week is the final episode of Tales of Monkey Island for WiiWare. This one is called Rise of the Pirate God and I'm not spoiling the previous episode for those who haven't played it. 1000 Wii Points.



In theaters we have the Shinjuku Incident. I'm not sure what it's about, but it has Jackie Chan in what I'm sure is a way more entertaining movie then The Spy Next Door. Limited release, though.

Hmm, light week.

This Week In Entertainment (1/26/10)

My Pick of the Week is No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggles. The first game was a lot of fun but it had a bad overworld. In this sequel, they decided to remove it instead of fixing it. Oh well. At least the battles should still be fun.


Also coming out this week is Edge of Darkness, starring Mel Gibson. I was going to make alcohol and Jeeeeeews! jokes, but then I realize everybody else already was, and felt sad.


On DVD we have many of the Rifftrax DVDs previously sold only on their website, including their first live show in Tennessee.

I guess this is "there is no conspiracy" week. I know your game, History Channel. (Actually, maybe they save "WHAT DOES THE GOVERNMENT KNOW!?!?!?!" specials for A&E.)

Do it for the people who now control Michael Jackson's estate.

I'm actually surprised we haven't seen a Ghostbusters 3, even if it was a reboot. Seems like there's plenty of nostalgia for the franchise now.

Let me guess, the good guys waging the war on whales turn out to be the bad guys duped by someone making a big profit, right? I'm on to you, Hollywood!

Super Bowl 44 should be good, but that doesn't mean I won't be taping the next Puppy Bowl. I was hoping they would release the earlier ones to dvd.

Somehow I don't think the 1956 version of 1984 is very accurate to the book. The book is brutal.

Every week Amazon offers a belly dancing video. Just what is the audience for these? Bored house wives?


Also on the Wii is Tatsunoko vs. Capcom. It's a fighting game featuring Street Fighter and other Capcom characters facing...some Japanese thing. Should be good even if I don't know who half the roster is.

This Week In Entertainment (12/29/09)

There isn't much out this week. I'll make a WiiWare my Pick of the Week. In this case, it's Castlevania: The Adventure Rebirth. It's ten bucks for a remake of a Game Boy game. Just in time for Hallo...the New Year!


Also out this week is a documentary about Beer Pong. Told you it was a quiet week.

This Week In Entertainment (12/8/09)

My Pick of the Week is The Princess and the Frog. I could have swore that I listed it a week or two ago but now I'm promoting it to the top to make sure it doesn't get pulled back again. (In hindsight, I think RT just screwed up. I do remember commenting on the oddness of it's position.) Given the subject it should be fun just reading the reviews.


Also out this week on DVD is a whole lot of Harry Potter. First, we have the latest Harry Potter (The sixth movie. Two more to go.) In this one everybody gets paired up and Voldemort gets a weakness out of nowhere.

If you want more Harry they now have ultimate editions of the first two movies. I've said they should have made these before but I'm not about to double dip for a dozen or so minutes of footage they cut out.

Christmas sure does get in trouble a lot. Now it needs a dog to save it. Still waiting for the technology to allow you to create your own _____ Saves Christmas scenario.

Are they really friends if you eat them all?

There's no Wayans sibling in this DVD!


On Wii is Silent Hill: Shattered Memories. I think it's remake of the original.

This Week In Entertainment (11/17/09)

My Pick of the Week is the best movie to not have a plot or on-screen villian. It's Star Trek 11. I enjoyed this movie but I hope the next one has a little more substance.


Also out this week is another damn vampire movie. Let's just hope this fad fizzles out soon.

Speaking of things that should fizzle out, it's bad 3d animated movies. Like this one about aliens or something.


Just in case you never seen Gone With The Wind, here's another excuse to buy it. You have to, it's another five year anniversary!

Wow, they condensed an entire civilization into a DVD set?

I only mention this Bell Telephone Hour set because I know Tad Tadlock was on this series once. I will one day find that episode and talk about it to my bored friends. It will happen.

Because the first French Revolution was such a great idea.


On the Wii is Lego Indiana Jones 2. I loved the first Lego STar Wars game and liked the second, but I felt cold about the first Indiana Lego game. I think the series has worn out its welcome, and this one is just one movie plus various random bits from the other three.

Also Indiana Jones related is the SNES game about his Great Hits. I wished they used the VC to do more cross promotions.

The final Wii game is Resident Evil: The Darkside Chronicles. THIS IS WAY BETTER THAN RESIDENT EVIL 5!

This Week In Entertainment (11/10/09)

My Pick of the Week includes the short that gave the world the Shemp Bat. It's Volume 7 of the Columbia Three Stooges Shorts. These are from 1952-1954. I believe that the 3d version of Spooks! and Pardon My Backfire are included because the set comes with 3d glasses. Sadly, 1953 marks the year where the team was forced to chop up earlier shorts and add useless new scenes to make "new" shorts.


Also out this week is the latest thing to cash in on the 2012 apocalypse craze. It's 2012, and hopefully it'll be as fun as Independence Day, and not more like The Day After Tomorrow. It's even by the same guy who did those two movies.


Out on DVD is Up, the sweetest damn movie ever. Seriously, the trailers hide the fact that the intro will make you tear up. Pixar is one of the only good movie makers out there.

Did they really make another Christmas themed Clause movie? I don't know if this is related to those terrible Tim Allen movies, but I wish people would cool it on Christmas merchandising. Call me a conspiracy theorist, but I wonder if people are purposely trying to cause a backlash against Christmas by overdoing everything.

Parodies are a dime a dozen. (Remember what the internet was like when the first Matrix movie and Star Wars Episode One came out?) Eh, what the heck, here's Star Wrecks. It's Finnish.


On the Wii is Call of Duty: Modern Warfare Reflex. I have one of the Call of Duty games for the Wii. It was pretty good, although I was a bit disturbed that I was playing as a Soviet for half the game. I assume this one has you shooting terrorists.

Harvest Moon: Animal Parade is a game where...let me once again point out that I've lost track of these Harvest Moon games.

I just beat Phantasy Star for the Virtual Console before starting this post. Now I can play the prequel, apparently. Phantasy Star Zero is for the DS.


Finally, on WiiWare is Frogger Returns. 500 Wii Poins for street crossing fun.

This Week In Entertainment (10/13/09)

My Pick of the Week is A Boy and His Blob for the Wii, a remake of the NES game. This looks like the kid is easy to control, which was my problem with the original.


Also out this week in theaters is Law Abiding Citizen, about some guy who commits crazy crimes while locked away. Unless it turns out that he's connected, I predict that this movie will be preposterous.

Where the Wild Things Are is about some book. Sorry, I'm not familiar with the series but I am aware of them.



Now you can own the entire Futurama collection, including all four movies in this Bender head.


Also out on the Wii this week is Mario & Sonic at The Winter Olympic Games. More controller shaking fun!

This Week In Entertainment (10/6/09)

My Pick of the Week is Wii Fit Plus, which is basically an add-on for Wii Fit but it offers crucial additions, like the ability to pick more than one exercise, instead of just picking one and having the game kick you back to the main menu every minute.


Also out this week is Ken Burn and national park's, which is a stupid thing to be a country's best idea. Just saying. The man's entitled too his opinion but really.


These two dvds contain collections of classical educational shorts about how to be men or women.



On the Wii Virtual Console is the original Final Fantasy. Remember, every Nintendo nerd who purchases this game is giving money to Square/Enix to make future Final Fantasy games for the PlayStation 3.


Finally on the Wii is Spore Hero, because we needed more iterations of a PC game that collapsed under it's own hype.

This Week In Entertainment (9/21/09)

My Pick of the Week is a Super Smash Bros knockoff. Don't worry, because this Ninja Turtle game is made by the same team. Lita, you can finally kick butt as April.


Also out this week is something I never thought I'd type: It's a live action origin movie of Scooby Doo. Really. How can you go on doing this, Frank?

In theaters is some movie about some song from the eighties that was a show or movie or something. Remember the eighties? Yeah, the eighties.



I don't know what Spyborgs is about but it's about time we get more Capcom support for the Wii.

On both DS and Wii is the Price is Right game. I'd buy it but I don't think I could take Drew Carey outside of Whose Line?

Finally, also on the DS is Women's Murder Club: Games of Passion. Proof that women can get into games. And are emotional and like romance and other chick stuff. Hey, I didn't name the game.

This Week In Entertainment (9/14/09)

My Pick of the Week will revolutionize the video game industry! I hope. It's Scribblenauts for the Nintendo DS, and it allows you to solve puzzles by typing in a word and dropping an object into the puzzle. Supposedly you can solve a puzzle using hundreds of different combos. I'm crossing my fingers over this one.


In theaters is Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. It's a 3d animated film and that's all you need to know other than the fact that it's done by Sony instead of Pixar or Dreamworks.

X-Men: Origins was the first big blockbuster of this year. And it was a pretty unnecessary film as well. Not bad, just really poinless. It's sad to see the franchise reach mediocrity after the wonderful second movie.


Also on DVD is Star Wars: The Clone Wars Volume One. I just watched the movie this series is based on. I don't get the poin. So we need to retcon a sidekick for Anakin during the Clone Wars? The Clone Wars has yet to be interesting. I mean, if you meant this war to mean anything, than why did you make General Grievous an easily beaten end boss? Also, I still don't get the design of the characters. Lucas is richer than most people in the entire world together. Why couldn't the animation be a tiny bit better?

Nice generic boxart, generico brand fantasy movie.


On the Wii is NHL 2k10. On the cover is...aww, hell. They were a win away from possibly going to the Stanley Cup and now their best player is probably going to be Madden Cursed.


Finally on the Nintendo DS is Mario and Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story. This game takes place inside Bowser's guts. You make up a more bizarre plot!

This Week In Entertainment (9/8/09)

My Pick of the Week is the latest excuse to sell plastic drum kits and guitars. This is The Beatles version of Rock Band. I bet the guys behind Guitar Hero 5 are a tad worried now.


Just in time for September 9th 2009 is the movie 9. I'm not sure there's anything you need to know other than the fact that it was tailor-made for a date.


Halloween is coming up. For fans of old horror movies is this Universal DVD set with all the classic 40s movies. If you prefer more recent movies that are too in love with themselves, here's the Scream Trilogy set. And for the kiddies is Bedknobs and Broomsticks, a Disney film similar to Mary Poppins.


For some reason companies like to release full season DVD sets and samplers. I don't like when they force you to buy the samplers and I don't like when they release the samplers afterwards. Is there anything greedier than the entertainment industry?

On the Virtual Console this week is Contra Rebirth, a Contra game similar to the SNES version. Oddly enough, they haven't released Contra 1 on the VC. Come on, Nintendo!


On the Wii itself is the latest compilation of Activision 2600 games. These are bundled with mini-games in Arcade Zone. I wonder if the Wii remote would actually make Kaboom! playable.

This Week In Entertainment (8/29/09)

My Pick of the Week is the second episode of Tales of Monkey Island. I've already played this and the intro surprised me. This cost 1000 Wii poins.


In theaters is Gamer, a movie about losers. Or it's a horror movie, I guess. Didn't we already have a movie about a video game that kills the players?


"Whatever happened to Operator 13?" "He swam across the river and died of Potomac poisoning. Nyuk nyuk nyuk!"

A horror movie about killing greenies? Cool!


On the Wii and other systems is Guitar Hero 5. I didn't even know that Guitar Hero 4 was released. Was that Guitar Hero World Tour?

This Week In Entertainment (8/12/09)

I'm picking this complete collection of Are You Being Served? as my belated Pick of the Week if only if it gives people more reasons not to tune into public television. When's the last time PBS has been any good? Exactly.


Also out this week is SuperFriends, the lost episodes. Lost for a reason if you can see the cover. I've officially lost count on which dvd sets have what. Just stick with Challenge of the SuperFriends. Those episodes are hilarious.

YogaButt.

This is the latest of films that were made to trick blind aunts and grandmas into buying a movie that looked like a recent hit Disney film. I wouldn't mind seeing a documentary of the process of making a cheap knock-off animation film.

Speaking of cheap cartoons, here are some more Three Stooges cartoons from the sixties. I wouldn't mind owning a complete set of these but I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of them were lost. I doubt I would find many jems in the collection. At least the live action wrap around segments are available alone on other sets.

Hey, shut up about Western Maryland ending. The West side is way better than the East side.


On the Wii we have Madden 10. Do I go with a joke about how these football games are all the same with seasonal roster upgrades or do I go with a joke about how the Skins are going to suck this season? Whatever. Arizona still should have won that game. I'm still bitter about the last two Super Bowls.

On WiiWare we have Rock N' Roll Climber, a game about climbing. If you fall off the mountain, do they call you something lame like classical musician?

On the Virtual Console is Super Star Wars. I'd download that game if Greedo was a boss.

This Week In Entertainment (7/27/09)

My Pick of the Week is episode one of Tales Of Monkey Island: The Screaming Narwhal. It's been out for PC for a few weeks but now it's available for WiiWare. It's 1000 Wii Points.


Also out yesterday was Wii Sports Resorts. This is the follow up to Wii Sports and allows you to play with the new Motion Plus. Please Nintendo, don't let the Motion Plus go to waste.


In theaters we have a dreadful looking kids movie called Aliens in the Attic. I bet the people behind Spy Kids made it.


On DVD is the entire Battlestar Galactica relaunch. Enjoy four seasons of shakey cam.

Also on DVD is a Green Lantern movie. Enjoy a movie about a guy who's all-powerful unless he gets attacked by a color.

On the Nintendo DS is The Humans. This is a Lemmings like game where you have to control cavemen to get them all to an exit. I remember this being heavily advertised in game magazines back when it was released for consoles like the Jaguar.

This Week In Entertainment (7/06/09)

My Pick of the Week is the first episode of the fifth game in the Monkey Island series. I'm glad that they're bringing back the voice actor for Guybrush from the previous two games. He made the character whiny but in a funny way.


Also available on DVD is Mystery Science Theater 3000 XV. The first episode is Aztec Mummy, a very early episode where they broke some rules that they never did again. I haven't seen it. The second is Girl's in Lover's Lane, which I've seen as well. Zombie Nightmare is third and the most famous episode featured on this volume. It has Adam West but that's all I can remember about it. The final episode is Racket Girls. This is a very funny episode with a well-meaning but funny short about preparation for marriage. The movie is about women wrestling and the match with the BEST WOMAN WRESTLER IN AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL MEXICO is a highlight. This set also includes an interview with Jon Mikl Thor, who went on to even dumber movies than Zombie Nightmare and clips from the MST3k Scrapbook video. The latter is one of the best things that MST3kinfo used to sell by catalogue. If you order the set from amazon now you can save about 20 bucks.

"Two hundred years ago, an extraordinary conflict decided the fate of North America, confirmed the creation of Canada..." So says the description for a mini-series about the War of 1812. I know that creating a new nation is a big idea and you can get plenty of drama from that, but this still amuses me for some reason.

This DVD is like a guidebook to San Francisco. It supposedly comes with an Hd-DVD. I guess this is a long delayed release or HD-DVD fans are underground. FIGHT THE BLU POWER!


In theaters, we have Borat Borat Borat Borat Borat Borat! Borat? Borat borat! BORAT! BOOOOOOORAT! Borat.


Finally on the Wii we have Bigs 2, an arcade like baseball game. Insert inevitable steroid comment or joke here.

Just a reminder to "Real, hardcore gamers"

You're not as important as you think you are.

But hey, go ahead and try to change the language so you can win the debate on your own terms. We'll just ignore the facts that don't conform to the "REALLY REAL HARDCORE, TUH-RUE NEX GEN, HIGH DEFINITION OR ELSE" worldview. Remember, Nintendo assassinated JFK and filmed the fake moon landings to cover up for the fact that they're selling more Wiis by selling less Wiis.