Personal Geographies

Personal Geographies.

I have never been able to root myself down to one place in it's entirety. I was adopted from a foreign country, lived and moved all over the city of Chicago, and moved to Milwaukee. Nothing seems to stick because I cannot wait to leave the place I am in now. I have traveled, and I enjoy the nouveau and freshness that comes from such a nomadic lifestyle. I like to be lost, to feel like for once it isn't boring. Everything is fresh. I crave that newness.

Milwaukee for me became a prime example of this feeling I rebel against so vehemently. I can get into any bar here, I can walk from one end to the other in a day, I have started a business and conquered my own corner of the entertainment industry here. Although these accomplishments seem great to some people, that feeling of establishment feels like death. It feels like I can no longer have any adventures. I am afraid of the routine. I have lived on every part of the city, Bayview, East Side and The UWM campus area. I can gladly say I know, for the most part, my way around. I couldn't tell you street names (those never come easily to me), but I could navigate my way around. I  miss getting lost and just enjoying the feeling of being small.

I think the desire to feel small is why I could only ever live in a large city (Milwaukee to me being far too small). Cities that are big (like London or Chicago, both of which I have been to) are the places that someone is always out, about, the feel alive. they have this pulse that resonates through them and allows for the fun to never stop. I don't feel so alone. There is always a bar open, a restaurant, someone out on the street. there is an overwhelming feeling of potential. I think that's what a City means to me, potential. Cities bring that out in people. The allow for all types, shapes, walks of life to have a forum through which they can work, survive and thrive together. I cannot even explain about how many times I have made a friend on the train, or gone to the same bar 100 times and still have never seen a regular. When I go out in milwaukee, I can probably bet that everyone I have met at least once or they know me. It gets so draining. It becomes a chore to find fun, rather than an exciting prospect. The choices are so limited here. It just isn't filling my metropolitan worldly requirement.

I hope to one day go back to Chicago, and I plan to do so soon. I want to make it so that I have lived in every major neighborhood in the city proper. I have so far lived in Pilsen, Rodger's Park, Wrigley, Lincoln Park and Logan Square. These are areas that I can say I am confident in, and there are still so many I do not know well. I could also do Berlin, London, perhaps go as far as Tokyo, or Australia. I need that movement. I think that there is something to be said about people who crave adventure. We tend to be very quick witted, malleable, like little chameleon that can fit in anywhere. We are often more excited, more personable. We understand how to navigate just places, but life and relationships well. I find that this need to see and grow drives people to great things. So often I read about how just changing your space can change how you feel. that being pushed and driven to become something new really can make one find them selves. Getting lost is the only way to really find something. Authors like Chuck Palahniuk do a great job exploring those things. I also find books that describe dystopian societies also describe routine as the enemy of the people. Aldous Huxley does this well. I think I feel like those characters so often, fighting to get out of something. Being trapped. I make it my life mission to never be that way.

Exploration doesn't just have to be done through physical activities either. Exploration can be done through constantly educating yourself, moving across mind-scapes and finding places that challenge you mentally. Go live a little in fear. Challenge and question emotional security. Those are other ways to use the constant desire to rove in a positive way. I know I would like nothing more that to always be a little scared. I think that uncertainty is what keeps us alive and a little more human. Comfort is a curse I reject. I think I always will.