Revenge of the Bad Guys

Who were never explained, even once.

Red Letter Media has it's long awaited reviews of the third Star Wars Prequel movie. I haven't watched it yet but I will tonight. The Plinkett reviews of the Trilogy have been the best at dissecting why the films failed.

The reviews aren't up on youtube, but can be found at his website. Warning, R rated stuff here.

Angry Dad: The Movie

Holy cow! A Simpsons episode worth watching? Sign me up!

Merry merry, Tork!

I still check in every now and then, and just wanted to say hi.

o<8oD>

I probably messed that up

Top Five Christmas Films

I'm not really feeling it this year, but that doesn't mean I don't love Christmas. And in honor of the holiday, I'm listing the top five Chirstmas related films ever made. There's so many, so it was hard to narrow it down.





#5

Triple Crossed

Larry wants to convince Joe's girlfriend to marry him instead, so he sets up a situation where Joe is modeling for Moe's wife, then calls the jealous Moe and Joe's girlfriend to come over to Moe's place immediately. Joe puts on a Santa Claus costume to elude Moe. Also, Moe decorates a Christmas tree, before yanking it over.

Note: A remake of He Cooked His Goose.



#4

Rumpus in the Harem

The boys' girls have to pay a virgin tax or else they will be sold into slavery, so the boys decide to go after the Rootin Tootin Diamond to pay it. They disguise themselves as Santa Claus.

Note: Shemp's part is played by the back of actor's Joe Palma's head and stock footage. The film is a remake of Malice in the Palace.


#3

He Cooked His Goose

Larry wants to convince Joe Shemp's girlfriend to marry him instead, so he sets up a situation where Joe Shemp is modeling for Moe's wife, then calls the jealous Moe and JoeShemp's girlfriend to come over to Moe's place immediately. Joe Shemp puts on a Santa Claus costume to elude Moe. Also, Moe decorates a Christmas tree, before yanking it over.

Quote: Shemp - "Helloooo everybody! I’m a little early, but I got a lotta runnin’ to do! Blitzen’s in the kitchen, and Prancer’s got the antses in his pantses!"


#2

Malice in the Palace

The boys serve to men who are after the Rootin Tootin Diamond. After they find out that the two men aren't as dangerous or noble as they seem, they kick them out and decide to get the diamond for themselves. They put on Santa Claus costumes to fool the guards.

Note: The 2004 NBA brawl has been nicknamed Malice at the Palace. This film is public domain.



And the greatest Christmas film ever!

#1

Wee Wee Monsieur

The Three Stooges accidently join the French Foreign Legion. They lose the man they're suppose to protect, so they disguise as Santa Claus to get him back.

Quote: Curly - "Oh, you hit Santa Claus? Just for that: no toys!"



Merry Christmas from Tork's Blog!

An egg!

Oh no, it's just Bruce Boudreau.

A follow up...

I just want to follow up my previous out-of-nowhere post with the reason why this bothers me.

Lately I've been introduced to a theory about politics. It has to do with piecharts.

Think about yourself for a moment. Think about all your personal opinions. Think about your religion, your politics, your career, your experiences, your grades, your friends, your everything.

Now look at this chart.



The white part? That's a part of the pie that's blown up a thousand, maybe tens of thousands of times. It represents you. The rest? Everybody else in the entire world.

Imagine if you have to convince a large group of people to trust you, or to vote with you, or to agree with your ideas. Let's say you tell them that you're all for the things they are for. Well, now you occupy a larger portion of that pie, because now you're saying you represent a lot more than your own selfish interests. Here's the problem: That's a very unspecific claim. People are eventually going to demand you clarify yourself a bit.

Let's say they ask you about your favorite ice cream flavor. Your first reply, "I like all ice cream flavors!" won them over, but now they're pressing for a favorite. Trapped, you finally confess vanilla. At this point, the pie is divided. What about people who hate vanilla? What about people who are hurt that you didn't pick their favorite? And God help you if you accidentally blurt out that you HATE strawberry. ("What kind of idiot would eat that? Oh, sorry those of you in the back.")

It's just how politics work. We like to complain that politicians pick non-positions while running against their opponent instead of running on their record/what they hope to achieve, but they're here to win, not be virtuous losers.

Think about propaganda. Our side is right for vague reasons! Their side is bad for very specific reasons. We love all good flavors! They're a bunch of strawberry haters.


So yeah, the Phelps, for example, are bad. But being against the Phelps isn't good in itself. Why do you specifically hate them? Why do you specifically hate any group? Just being against a group doesn't automatically make your ideas good/better. Being anti-something is lazy and leads to lazy arguments.

How about them crazy Phelps?

Yeah, that whatever cult sure is dumb and stupid huh? And pretty evil the way they troll people just to instigate lawsuits.

While I have to congratulate everyone who's stood up to these jerks, can I also say that I'm a little tired of the self-righteousness I see when people discuss this group? Yeah, they're bad and their ideas are dumb. We all get that.


It's just that recognizing that the Westboro Baptist Cult doesn't mean you're righteous. It just means you have a pulse.

Currently Reading Unseen Academicals.

I'm about 100-150 pages into it. Just wanted to say something about it so far.


Is it me, or is Glenda a little like Granny Weatherwax, only Pratchett is going in a different direction with her.

In the early witch novels, particularly Lords and Ladies, Granny knew everything. She wasn't the least bit "nice" about it, particularly to "wet hen" Magrat. Granny even conspired to get Magrat married to the King of Lancre. And in the end, she was able to get Magrat to do what she needed to do.

In Unseen Academicals, Glenda's friend Juliet isn't naive. She's just kind of an innocent child. Not really bright at all. Glenda is really protective of her, especially from her grabby friend Trev. Glenda keeps telling Juliet to keep her mind on their job, which is kitchen work. Glenda is utterly convinced that she's right up to a night where she gets a little tipsy and watches Juliet successfully model clothes. Suddenly she's wondering if she's just been holding Juliet back.

I guess I'll figure out where this is going as I read this book but I thought it made an interesting contrast.

I admit it.

I'm attracted to only the craziest of women.

Bad news

Now that we have that last post out of the way...


I'm afraid to report that Christmas is cancelled this year. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.


Maybe 2011 will make up for this terrible year.

One Thousand Posts!

Yes, this blog has hit the big 1-0-0-0. I originally planned a much nastier post, but thankfully the angel on my shoulders won out.

I have to thank all the people who have contributed to this blog, even if they've since walked out due to reasons. You all have really classed up this little corner in the Internet with your great writing.


I was going to post some of my favorite memories, but I'll let you, the readers, do that for me.

Heh, Live Show.

The difference between me and Mike Nelson?

None of my live shows ever failed miserably.

I won't be at the Rifftrax Live Show today.

I'm a victim of circumstance.


I may have something up tonight. I haven't really sat down and written it yet.