What I've been up to lately.

I've been thinking about the future.  Now, contrary to what those of you who love and adore me may think, I won't live forever.  So I'm doing what anybody in my position would do:  I'm giving my money to talented people who may actually do something. 

In this case, I've made pledges to three different kickstarter projects.  Kickstarter makes me nervous because I'm worried I'll give money to a scam artist, but for now I think I made some good choices.  The above clip is a promo to three different documentaries.  The man has already made a documentary about text adventure games and an old Internet bulletin board system, and I got a coin for contributing the former.  (Haven't seen the latter.)  I've pledged enough to the current project that I'll receive a credit in all three proposed documentaries.  How about that?  I may get an entry in the Internet Movie Database.*

* -  Nah.  I'll just have my name listed among a sea of others at the end of each documentary.  Still cool, though.

Another project I contribute a little cash too is a Video Game Museum to be opened in Las Vegas.  One of the rewards for pledging is a ticket to go once it's open.  I really hope to go next year.  We'll see.

The last is a short movie called Troll Bridge.  It's about a really old Conan the Barbarian type fighting against rock creatures.  Really crossing my fingers on this one.

I won't pretend that I'm some kind of philanthropist since I get something back if the projects go through and I get refunded if the projects don't.  Still, I like what I've seen so far, and hopefully there will be more good projects in the future.

This Week In Entertainment (7/28/11)

My Pick of the Week is some Pac-Man game for the 3DS.  I basically want it for Pac-Man Championship Edition, but its got some other games to go along with it.


In theaters this week is Cowboys vs. Aliens.  Maybe I have bad taste but I actually think I'll see this one.  Eh, it has Harrison Ford and Daniel Craig, and the trailer looked interesting.  I read somewhere that this movie was made after someone wrote a comic and shopped it around conventions. 

You know what I was just dying to see in 3D?  Not the Smurfs movie.  Why?  Why do they take the characters and put them in New York, or wherever?  Why what's-her-face?  Is she really who you want in a kids' movie?  I will say that I think Hank Azaria will steal the movie as Gargamel, and the Scottish Smurf seems like a funny idea. 

On one soiled Blu-Ray is The Blues Brothers.  Great movie.  The sequel wasn't bad but was really unnecessary. 

Also on Blu-Ray is a slideshow presentation about Leonardo DaVinci.  Remember to put this one out in the open so people think that you're so smart.

This Week In Entertainment (7/12/11)

My Pick of the Week closes out the Harry Potter saga, at least until J.K does a reboot.  (Grittier!   More realistic!)  Here I include a picture of an Enemy Mine inspired poster.  Sure, why not?

Also out in theaters this week is Winnie the Pooh.  How many of the movies have they made since my childhood?  I remember they had a live action show on the Disney Channel and a cartoon on ABC Saturday mornings, as well as a few movies already made.  Winnie must be a huge money maker for Disney.

Phase 7 is ... I don't know, but it's given a quote by Bloody Disgusting, so here's your antidote to this week's kids movies.


On DVD we have Arthur.  Did they really remake a 30 year old movie?  (My entire experience with the Arthur series is scratching my head a few times at The Critic.)

Here's a collection of Buster Keaton shorts.  On Blu-Ray, too!   The latter are remastered and makes me wish I had Blu-Ray.  Maybe I'll get a player (and HD TV) by the end of the year.

"Spirit" of Bellydancing?  Don't you mean fleshiness?

Amazon also has a lot of series On Demand, or whatever their online streaming option is called.  Now you can watch Teen Wolf: The Series, in high definition!

This Week In Entertainment (5/17/11)

I have two Pick of the Weeks. I can't choose one Rifftrax Live Show over the other, can I? From last year, we have Reefer Madness and House on Haunted Hill.


Also out this week in theaters is the fourth Pirates of the Caribbean. It has to be better than the third movie, right? At least we dump the girl and her love interest, right? And maybe have more Barbossa, the only good thing about movie three.

Hard Breakers is a movie about two women who kidnap men and...WHA?! Is this really a The Violent Years-type movie? And jeez, one of the attackers is "good" and one of them is "bad." What more can I .... Oh dear. The one review up at Rotten Tomatoes makes it sound more like a comedy. Yeesh.


On DVD is a Thor animated movie. Shouldn't this been out a week earlier to capitalize on the film?

These two Abott and Costello movies are new releases, I guess. Rio Rita and Abott and Costello Meets Captain Kidd.

Cigarette commercials, the beer commercials of their time! I hope they include all the dancing cigarette ones.

Corporate Cut Throat Massacre is about competition or something. If it was the eighties it would just end up being a slasher film.

On Virtual Console is Chrono Trigger, the greatest game about time travel. I defy you to find a game that implements time travel better than this one, and it's just an RPG. I hope this is the original translation, because if it doesn't have "Sir Slush!" I'll be annoyed.

This Week in Entertainment (5/8/11)

My Pick of the Week is Soul of the Bellydance. As someone who has used Amazon for years for DVD entries, I've seen hundreds of bellydancing DVDs. This one may be the first to discuss the soul of the whole thing. Or maybe it's another tutorial for housewives. I wouldn't know.



In theaters this week is the terrible looking People vs George Lucas. Now, I LOVE Plinkett, so I don't mind people taking shots at Lucas for the trilogy, but this documentary looks like a bunch of whiney nerds making bad arguments, which will make Lucas look good. I have my doubts about this film.

I saw Priest advertised at a GameSpot. Enough said?

On DVD is some Justin Beiber movie. When I was a kid, I laughed at jokes about killing Barney. Now I just want to slap anybody who think "Justinbeiber!" is a punchline.

Good gravy! A twentieth anniversary edition of Home Improvement? I still can't believe that show lasted beyond it's highly rated first two seasons.

I know that KissMe Girls: Girls Kissing is probably about, but looking at the title I laugh at the idea of someone buying it and being disappointed that it's just kissing. "Whoo!! WHOO! Whoooooo! ... Aren't they going to do something else?" (No, I'm not providing a link.)


On Wii Virtual Console is MDK 2, a game about huge bosses and those wacky scientist levels. I was surprised by the game's sense of humor when I played it for the PS2. Pick it up for ten bucks.

Follow-up thought.

I was thinking about my earlier post last night and the ending to The Addams Family Values popped into my mind.

You took me in, you accepted me, but did any of you love me? Really love me?

The villainess then attempts to murder the family.



(Man, those two movies were great. I really wish they could have made a third. Raul Julia died too soon.)

This Week in Entertainment (3/29/11)

My Pick of the Week is the Nintendo 3DS. It was technically released yesterday, but Sunday is a silly day to release something.


Also out this week is Source Code, which is sadly not about looking at lines of code for 90 minutes. You know, the only good part of The Matrix? The plot sounds a bit like Groundhog's Day, only as a thriller.

Christmas gets a lot of attention for a holiday that isn't as important as Easter. This 3D animated film tries to fix that, I assume.

Rubber is the story of a murderous tire. Part of me thinks that you should be able to write well no matter how dumb the the premise is. You know, challenge yourself. The other part thinks that maybe the public is clamoring for new ideas but this isn't what they mean.

On DVD we have Black Swan, a movie that earned Natalie Portman an oscar for pretending she didn't use a stuntman.

Tangled was Disney's continuing clumsy attempt to make 3D films without Pixar. Good thing you held onto them, right Disney?

The greatest American show about the Cold War is back. It's Bullwinkle and Rocky: Volume Five.

How can you not like Charlton Heston as Moses? Even as a kid I thought his Moses was laying it on thick but that's also why I love the movie.

I guess they're re-releasing the Xena seasons. Season 2 was aired locally on primetime on the WB, and it was a fun season. Not to serious like it got later on in the later third and fourth seasons. I lost track of the show went it went to India and into syndication.

Are you kidding me? Are you really releasing Ace Ventura Jr as if it was some companion piece to the two Ace films? That's like if I filmed my own version of Mortal Kombat and it was released with the two other movies. (Imagine me dressing in a cheap ninja costume and throwing a rope at somebody. That's good enough, right?)

The 80s had Friday the 13th, but it also had Police Academy. It was beginning of the summer blockbuster franchises and I guess they hadn't quite ironed everything out. How long until they reboot the series, or have they already done that?

This Week In Entertainment (3/21/11)

My Pick of the Week is a Lego game. I'm not happy with the fact that it's based on the "Who Cares?" Clone Wars, but it's still a Tell Tales Lego game, so good enough for me. There's also a DS version and a 3DS version coming out soon.


In theaters, did you ever notice that Hollywood isn't very good at making movies with female action heroes? (Also, check out the URL? 2010? I smell "delayed and dumped in a forgettable month!)

On DVD is that Yogi Bear movie. Just a name that screamed 3D film for the holidays 50 years after it's relevance.

Hey look, there's a movie that's number on in America. Let's release a similarly named DVD now!

I admit that I list this video solely for the boxart.

Did you know that they made four Brady movies? Did we even need one movie? Yeah, it mocked a bad tv show, but you're suppose to move on after that.

This doesn't strike me as "edgy" since we now live in the porn era.

I see a LOT of belly dancing videos listed at Amazon week to week. So this wasn't too surprising, but it seems like it should have aired on some channel. Seems like ratings gold to me.

And she can stay away!

Revenge of Nadine

The epilogue to the Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith review, as well as Red Letter Media's Star Wars Prequel films, is up at their webzone.

Call me crazy, but there was something sweet about the "Go get him, Tiger!" line at the end. At least Red Letter Media can make me feel more for a crazed killer and a revenge-seeking hooker more than Lucas could make me feel for Luke Skywalker's parents.

This Week In Entertainment (3/7/11)

My Pick of the first third of 2011 is Mystery Science Theater Volume XX. It's an all-Joel edition. The episodes included are Project Moonbase, Master Ninja 1, Master Ninja 2, and The Magic Voyage of Sinbad.


Also out this week is this summary of Super Bowl XLV. I hope it includes several angles of Big Ben's pick six.

The Game Show Network is going to revive Whose Line is it Anyway?, so why not prepare for that by picking up this copy of a live show by stars Colin Mocherie and Brad Sherwood.

Grover is Jewish. Who knew?

Despite what conspiracy theorists tell you, these things actually happened.

I assume the story goes, "I was too drunk and I missed the bus that exploded" but I don't know how you make a movie or documentary about that.

The Indian Three Stooges! I assume. Maybe they'll do the Maharaja routine.


In theaters we get the Twilight-ification of Little Red Riding Hood. You stink, 12 year old girls. (Or any woman who still acts like they're that age.)

Mars Needs Moms. Doesn't that title sounds like something that would be released straight to video? Well, it is March.

As bad as Mars Needs Moms sound, at least it doesn't look like a big budget movie that's about to flop this month.

Ever notice that colleges don't really teach anything and is more concerned with entertaining its unchaperoned crowd? Just asking.


In vidya game news, Pokemon Black and White was released today. I can't wait for the terrible race jokes this game will get.

Hey look, a baseball game for the Wii. Do they still do the motion controls thing anymore?

Toy Story 3 Wins Award!

I forget which one. Ozzar or something.


For animated feature. Yet it's also nominated for best picture. Why? I don't know, but it would be funny if it took both. Did you see the other movies nominated? They stink! Did any of them even bother to have an incinerator scene? Nope!

Revenge of the Bad Guys

Who were never explained, even once.

Red Letter Media has it's long awaited reviews of the third Star Wars Prequel movie. I haven't watched it yet but I will tonight. The Plinkett reviews of the Trilogy have been the best at dissecting why the films failed.

The reviews aren't up on youtube, but can be found at his website. Warning, R rated stuff here.

Top Five Christmas Films

I'm not really feeling it this year, but that doesn't mean I don't love Christmas. And in honor of the holiday, I'm listing the top five Chirstmas related films ever made. There's so many, so it was hard to narrow it down.





#5

Triple Crossed

Larry wants to convince Joe's girlfriend to marry him instead, so he sets up a situation where Joe is modeling for Moe's wife, then calls the jealous Moe and Joe's girlfriend to come over to Moe's place immediately. Joe puts on a Santa Claus costume to elude Moe. Also, Moe decorates a Christmas tree, before yanking it over.

Note: A remake of He Cooked His Goose.



#4

Rumpus in the Harem

The boys' girls have to pay a virgin tax or else they will be sold into slavery, so the boys decide to go after the Rootin Tootin Diamond to pay it. They disguise themselves as Santa Claus.

Note: Shemp's part is played by the back of actor's Joe Palma's head and stock footage. The film is a remake of Malice in the Palace.


#3

He Cooked His Goose

Larry wants to convince Joe Shemp's girlfriend to marry him instead, so he sets up a situation where Joe Shemp is modeling for Moe's wife, then calls the jealous Moe and JoeShemp's girlfriend to come over to Moe's place immediately. Joe Shemp puts on a Santa Claus costume to elude Moe. Also, Moe decorates a Christmas tree, before yanking it over.

Quote: Shemp - "Helloooo everybody! I’m a little early, but I got a lotta runnin’ to do! Blitzen’s in the kitchen, and Prancer’s got the antses in his pantses!"


#2

Malice in the Palace

The boys serve to men who are after the Rootin Tootin Diamond. After they find out that the two men aren't as dangerous or noble as they seem, they kick them out and decide to get the diamond for themselves. They put on Santa Claus costumes to fool the guards.

Note: The 2004 NBA brawl has been nicknamed Malice at the Palace. This film is public domain.



And the greatest Christmas film ever!

#1

Wee Wee Monsieur

The Three Stooges accidently join the French Foreign Legion. They lose the man they're suppose to protect, so they disguise as Santa Claus to get him back.

Quote: Curly - "Oh, you hit Santa Claus? Just for that: no toys!"



Merry Christmas from Tork's Blog!

Tork's Film of the Month!

Recently I bought this documentary about text adventure games. Basically some guy interviewed a bunch of nerds responsible for a long forgotten computer game genre. It was forty bucks and I figured what the hey. So far I'm still on the first DVD and the best part was about the rise and fall of Infocom, the most famous of "interactive fiction" game makers.

This Week In Entertainment (2/16/10)

It's a very special Friday edition of This Week. My Pick of the Week is this DVD of Black Dynamite, a movie about... I have no idea, but a website I like said it was good, so this may be the first good Pick of the Week I ever made.


In theaters this week we have a movie about how awesome Celine Dion is. Maybe there's more to this movie about how awesome she is and how the whole world should feel good about how awesome she is, but that's not the vibe I'm getting from it's description and title.

This movie is about a marriage that falls apart and is supposedly stitched together from old home movies. Which means I'm about to destroy some VHS and Beta tapes after I post this post.


On DVD is the first season of Barnaby Jones. This series set up a cameo in the 1994 Beverly Hillbillies movie.

This is a movie about Halo, which is a game about...I still don't know, to be honest. I think it's about a blue and red guy talking about stuff but I think it's also a first person shooter. This is also available in Blu-Ray, which is interesting considering the competing console companies.

You know what will never get old? Jokes about Dragon Ball Z where the punch line is that X number of episodes went by without anything happening.

Dear God no, why? This is 80s nostalgia I can do without. Shame on you, Shout Factory. Why not put the show up on Hulu and use IP data about anybody who watches as blackmail?

Say, is it Lent already?


Finally, someone makes an important DVD that we can all learn a valuable skill from.


I once watched a woman comedian joke about Playgirl magazine. She wondered aloud how any woman could pay money for such a thing. If you wanted to see a man naked, just ask one she reasoned. I wonder the same thing about a DVD of college age women kissing. Do you really need to pay to see that? It was already a cliche when Britney and Madonna did it.



There was probably some video games but I didn't check so tough.

This Week In Entertainment (2/8/10)

My Pick of the Week was just announced Saturday. It's Blaster Master: Overdrive for the Virtual Console. It's suppose to be a reimagining of the original Blaster Master for the NES. That game was tough but fun, and I hope this game is worth the 1000 Wii Points.



Also out this week in theaters is a movie just in time for Valentine's. It's Wolfman. Tell your gal I recommended this movie for your date night.

Also in theaters is Percy Jackson and the Olympians, which is about... I don't. Probably some Harry Potter knock off.


On DVD is Dante's Inferno. But it's not based on the divine comedy. It's based on the game that's based on that. I sometimes wish I was a teacher so I could grade the papers of the kids who think watching this video will help them write their book report or do well on their exams. By the way, one of the voice actors is The Joker himself, Mark Hamill!

Here's a set of Charlie Chaplin's best, from his famous silent stuff to his first talky, The Great Dictator.

No.

(I have to say that amazon really had sex on the brain this week. Usually it's all belly dancing but this week it was kama sutra videos.)



I usually ignore the PS3 and Xbox 360, but today marks the release of Dante's Inferno. I think it's a God of War clone. Not that I played that game either. I want to see this game just to see how accurate it is to the Divine Comedy. You know, just to make "Dante must be spinning..." jokes.


On the Wii is Super Monkey Ball: Step & Roll. I have yet to play one of these games. This one uses the Wii Balance Board.

Finally, on the Wii Virtual Console is Princess Tomato and the Salad Kingdom. It's a game where you get to smack your persimmon buddy around.

This Week In Entertainment (2/2/10)

My Pick of the Week is the final episode of Tales of Monkey Island for WiiWare. This one is called Rise of the Pirate God and I'm not spoiling the previous episode for those who haven't played it. 1000 Wii Points.



In theaters we have the Shinjuku Incident. I'm not sure what it's about, but it has Jackie Chan in what I'm sure is a way more entertaining movie then The Spy Next Door. Limited release, though.

Hmm, light week.

This Week In Entertainment (1/26/10)

My Pick of the Week is No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggles. The first game was a lot of fun but it had a bad overworld. In this sequel, they decided to remove it instead of fixing it. Oh well. At least the battles should still be fun.


Also coming out this week is Edge of Darkness, starring Mel Gibson. I was going to make alcohol and Jeeeeeews! jokes, but then I realize everybody else already was, and felt sad.


On DVD we have many of the Rifftrax DVDs previously sold only on their website, including their first live show in Tennessee.

I guess this is "there is no conspiracy" week. I know your game, History Channel. (Actually, maybe they save "WHAT DOES THE GOVERNMENT KNOW!?!?!?!" specials for A&E.)

Do it for the people who now control Michael Jackson's estate.

I'm actually surprised we haven't seen a Ghostbusters 3, even if it was a reboot. Seems like there's plenty of nostalgia for the franchise now.

Let me guess, the good guys waging the war on whales turn out to be the bad guys duped by someone making a big profit, right? I'm on to you, Hollywood!

Super Bowl 44 should be good, but that doesn't mean I won't be taping the next Puppy Bowl. I was hoping they would release the earlier ones to dvd.

Somehow I don't think the 1956 version of 1984 is very accurate to the book. The book is brutal.

Every week Amazon offers a belly dancing video. Just what is the audience for these? Bored house wives?


Also on the Wii is Tatsunoko vs. Capcom. It's a fighting game featuring Street Fighter and other Capcom characters facing...some Japanese thing. Should be good even if I don't know who half the roster is.

This Week In Entertainment (1/19/10)

My Pick of the Week is Dark Void Zero for the DSi. Why? Because it's considered a lost Capcom NES game, and that's good enough for me. Too bad they released it to a system that I can't afford. Jerks.



Also out this week in theaters is Extraordinary Measures, starring Brendan Frasier and Harrison Ford. I'd tell you what it's about, but the opening paragraph in the Rotten Tomatoes description puts me to sleep.

Disney gives us the latest The Rock family movie, Tooth Fairy. I guess the Doom movie scared him away from action stuff forever.

Legion is a movie about God losing faith in humanity. Thanks a lot, Internet!


On DVD is the first volume of Laugh-O-Lympics, a Hannah Barbara show about their cast of characters competing in a cartoon olympics every week. File this show under "loved it as a kid. Scratched my head later on."

Fraggle Rock was a puppet show but it had a short animated series at its height. It must have been short because I remember watching the same episode twice but only that episode.

Surprise the title isn't "God Send Me a Good Man."


Now you can own the entire set for UPN's biggest non-SciFi success!

All right! Oh.

This Week In Entertainment (1/12/10)

For my Pick of the Week I'm choosing a movie based on it's title. It's about a Sister with a gun, and she's having... "Nun of That" Oh, blasphemy!


In theaters we have the latest Jackie Chan movie. Yay? It's called The Spy Next Door and I hope it doesn't have the Spy Kids vibe it's movie poster is giving off.


The Simpsons is skipping seasons 13-19 so they can release Season 20 to DVD. I can't remember most of these episodes and I skipped the final five. Oh well, I guess Fox feels it's got to get some of that BluRay money. I guess the joke is that the idea that Mr. Burns is greedy rings hollower and hollower as the show goes on?

Is Bogus really considered a fan favorite of anything, let alone Whoopi Goldberg films? What about Made In America? Do we need to be reminded about the Ted Danson thing?

I don't know anything about Accident on Hill Road, but OUCH for the guy on the cover.


On WiiWare is ShadowPlay. You know those games where you try to take 2-dimensional shapes like squares and triangles and you try to build bigger shapes like a tractor or bird? ShadowPlay is like that. You try to build shapes by using the shadows of various objects. It's the first WiiWare game to use Motion Plus.