Nationals Win the Penant!

The Nats won their opening preseason game today. If we extrapolate these results, that means they will go undefeated in the regular season and sweep the playoffs.


It's nice to see a Washington D.C. team not embarrassing its fans for once.

Toy Story 3 Wins Award!

I forget which one. Ozzar or something.


For animated feature. Yet it's also nominated for best picture. Why? I don't know, but it would be funny if it took both. Did you see the other movies nominated? They stink! Did any of them even bother to have an incinerator scene? Nope!

Clever, Sony

I'm saving my money for a Nintendo 3DS which comes out mid March. However, it was recently announced that the PSP was getting a 40 dollar price cut. The UMD model is now about 120 bucks. I've always thought about picking one up so I could put movies on it, plus I want to get Mega Man Powered Up because it has two robot masters I've never beaten.

The 3DS should still have great numbers but Sony may distract consumers a bit with this.

Larry the Cable Guy

is not someone I expected to see while watching NASA TV.

Oh, I just found this

This website has a stream of the Discovery in space.


http://www.spacevidcast.com/

Discovery's Last Mission

When I was a kid at elementary school, whenever there was a countdown me and some other boys would always scream "BLAST OFF!" and make flying noises after zero. So while I was never a big space nut I did have some interest in rockets and such.

After the Challenger disaster, the Discovery going into space seemed like a huge deal. In fact, I would have guessed it was a new spaceship if I didn't just look up its history. At my school we actually had TVs set up to watch the launch. Anytime you go to school and you don't do school stuff is already special, but it was really something watching that thing take off.

Sadly, any interest I had in space disappeared after that. I think the episode Deep Space Homer captured that perfectly. I couldn't tell you anything has happened in space except for the destruction of the Columbia and rumors that celebrities were going to orbit the planet.

So the news has recently reported that the Discovery is on its last mission. Since the country is broke and I don't see even the richest companies making a profit on commercial space flights, I don't see much space travel in the Earth's near future. Heck, from what I've gathered NASA isn't about space or science anymore.

But maybe I'm wrong. I just saw this, so maybe there's still something. I don't know. As I get older I'm not sure whether to hope for the future or lament over lost opportunity. It'd help if I knew more but I've never followed any of this. Let's just say that I'll envy the people who view space as mundane.

Good bye, Discovery, and thanks for capturing my imagination if only for a few hours at school.

Dear Google,

Do you even pretend to respect privacy? Ugh. I didn't even want to link my youtube account to my google account.

Why is my real name popping up when I go to your front page? Are you trying to make me a Bing fan?

Ok, I admit it.

This blog and its views are completely funded by Pharaoh Mobius.

And all I have to say for my four years of deception is KA-CHING!




(I feel left out with all the talk about whoros and the whatever bros. Somebody give me a friggen handout!)

Oh yeah, Angry Dad: The Movie

I forgot that the sequel to the classic Simpson's episode (I Am Furious Yellow) was airing yesterday, so I watched it on Hulu. It was pretty good, but still suffers from the fact that it's no season 2-15 Simpson episode. It's probably better than the MacGuyver episode but not as great as the last Sideshow Bob episode. Loved the George C. Scott gag.



Have at you before Hulu takes it down.

Smoking is cool.

I've noticed that they've started to print the amount of calories on soda cans. I can pretty much see where this is going.

You know, several years ago I tried to cut down on drinking soda and drank as much fruit juice as I could. I ended up with terrible acid reflux. Won't make that mistake again.

Gotta go drink more while I can. That first heart attack will be great.

Something cool.

Wow, this is old, too.

What's the Matter With Tork?

You know what? I'm going to start using the word zealot more often.

Why bring that up? Whenever I force myself to read the comments in a political discussion, I have the urge to shoot myself. But to get to my point, I really object to anybody who claim that that their opponents can't think for themselves and must be stripped of power.

Anybody who thinks this way is dangerous. If you can't respect your political opponent than you're suggesting some ugly things. Any ideas about democracy or republic kind of go out the window if you can't trust a significant portion of your country.

I just think this country is growing more tribalistic. I can't get worked up about patriotism at the Super Bowl. For God sakes, that stuff is trying to unite people. I'm really suppose to be more scared of people listening to the national anthem and saluting the flag and ignore "my enemy only does stuff because they're neanderthals. Screw them!" ?


Whatever. Want a joke? Why did the chicken cross the road? Because my perfect, perfect politics, shut up you Nazi!

Pretty funny, huh? Maybe I need a duck to look at you so you know when he's speaking wisdom while making a funny.

Hey, it's cool about the whole 9 planets thing.

We'll just find a new planet to replace Pluto.

Tyche? Pfft! And are we suppose to take you seriously with a name like Oort cloud? Sounds like a Pinky and the Brain catchphrase. OORT!

About this day

For all of you who blame this day on Hallmark and similar stores looking for profits...


Suckers.

Dear Jane McGonigal,

I'm sorry that my existence blows your theory out of the water.


If it helps, you are pretty.

So, about this Lady Gaga,

She's suppose to look dead in every photo she appears in, right? Like, this is the pornography era, so she's going for the necrophilia niche, right?

Just to end a big rumor.

Some of you may be wondering if I would sell this blog to the highest bidder, and if I would do this without telling my wonderful contributors, denying them any compensation.


Yes. Yes I would.


But until then, Tork doesn't sell out for anybody!


Speaking of anybody, have you heard about this wonderful piece of technology known as the compact fluorescent lamp? These things are amazing! They last far longer than stupid old incandescent bulbs. They're even green, whatever that means!

If you head to the Light Bulb Barn, the Light Depot, or Best Bulb, tell them Tork sent you. I believe in this product (as long as it's made by G.E., the rest are crap) so much, I promise to kill the cat of anybody who disagrees.[TM]

Sorry about the last couple posts.

I don't like blogs that spend most of the time whining about things. So starting now, just positive or interesting entries. Starting......now!










Yeah, I'll get back to you on that.

Another Bad ESPN writer.

"I don't have a problem with patriotic people, I just which they wouldn't be that way in public."


God, if this guy has a wife, I can only imagine how much he tells her how fat she is. Because he loves her, you see.


I was in a chat last night where people were saying that America was more controlled by patriotism by Nazi Germany. This is the kind of dumb idea you can have because you define yourself as NOT-something.

What a bunch of babies.

It has to be said.

(By the way, screw you Fox for that terrible* Bill O'Reilly/President interview. Can we have one friggen day without stupid politics?)

* Yeah, I didn't watch it. But I can't seeing it being the least bit good.

WOW! The best game ever has more levels.

That game is, of course, Chip's Challenge. A bunch of Chip's Challenge nerds have created a new level pack, Level Pack 3. It was released back in December. Man, I can't wait until I download it.


Chip's Challenge can be played by downloading the emulator, "Tile World." You have to download your own level packs because the original is copyrighted. The game itself is a bit like Sokoban/Boxxle mixed with puzzle solving and running away from monsters.

My Pick for Sunday

Is Oliver! Look at that little guy. That face says, "NO RESPECT!"


Also, I guess I pick the Packers. Actually, I think the Steelers will win big. We haven't had a blowout since Raiders/Bucs. But I thought the Colts would destroy the Saints, so maybe we'll get a repeat.

Another True Story,

One time Randy Beaman's friend tried to cross the street but his foot was run over by Dan Snyder's car.


OK, bye.

Lucky kid.

I mean, not lucky about the bullying, but lucky about this particular story. I never got Art Monk to pay me a visit.

Just a thought.

I don't watch The Daily Show, so maybe this already happened. But if Stewart had any integrity, he would play the clip of himself complimenting Rachel Maddow's intelligence before doing that "mug the camera for five minutes" shtick he always does.


Still, I guess there's always hope that someone will take one of my essays seriously.

My Wii isn't working.

And Nintendo wants 75 bucks to repair it.




Great. Whatever.

Totally True Stories

Ok, one time Randy Beaman told his mom that there were monsters under his bed, only it wasn't monsters. It was Dan Snyder.


Ok, bye.

Speaking of bad ESPN writers...

If she's drunk than she's just askin' for it!

Tork's Blog Endorses H.R. 91

Because nothing knocks 'em dead more than references to incandescent light bulbs.

Yep, that's our team owner.

Dan Snyder is suing a small newspaper for compiling a list of dumb stuff he did as owner of the Redskins.

This article was written back in November. He's now suing.



I've already written off the Redskins winning the Super Bowl until we reach the XCs. Heck, I don't think we'll even make it to a damn NFC Championship game in the next forty years. Our best record since XXVI has been 10-6 a couple times. The franchise is a joke.