Mass Effect 3

So there's this space video game and some nerds are upset at the ending.  So they whined like nerds always do resulting in the company giving in to change the ending.

Nerd culture:  The worst culture.  I grew up unpopular but now I want to just wedgie the ---- out of my fellow geeks.  I remember bitching about Chrono Cross but I moved on ... mostly. 


I ask you, video game dorks:  If people accused you of being selfish crybabies, could you prove them wrong?

Oh My Goodness

Someone got us a PS3 for Christmas.  So I've been catching up on the last two Mortal Kombats lately. 

But looky what I saw announced for PlayStation Network (and Xbox Live Arcade):

Oh heck's yeah.  The best Simpsons game, with the possible exception of Hit & Run.  It includes a survivor mode (see how far you can get on one life) and the unlockable Japanese mode.

Available Feb 3rd (Xbox 360) and Feb 7th (PS3).

Back to the Future....4!

I remember long ago when the Internet was young...well not that young, but 1999-2002 was a long time ago, right?  Anyway, there was a Back to the Future 4 website, with a picture hinting at Doc Brown and Clara having a new adventure.  Well, it obviously never happened.  Probably for the best, since it's really Michael J. Fox's series, and he was already suffering from Parkinson's Disease.  The only chance at new Back to the Future adventures was the animated series, which I think is still not available.

But it was not over for the series.  Telltale Games, which is the Lucas Arts of its time, has made several series of episodic click and pick adventure games.  20 bucks for this Wii title.  I'd love to own a Back to the Future game that doesn't suck.  (Still bitter, NES version.  And I only rented you.)


Oh, and I still want a hoverboard. 

Another childhood nightmare brought to you by Mother

This is a Chimera. You run into all kinds of these dudes in Mother 3:





This is the Ultimate Chimera. He's a Godless killing machine who's supposed to scare the crap out of you, but he just ends up being adorable. Look at him! <3 <3 <3




You know who else is a horrifying abomination in the face of God and science?





The Wuzzles.

That's right kids....every time you kill a chimera in Mother 3, you're killing the Wuzzles. And the Gummi Bears. And Huey, Dewey, and Louie. And Darkwing Duck. And Talespin.....well they deserved it....who in the holy hell thought "It's Jungle Book....but they're in Planes for some reason" was a good idea?

If the Chimeras were Woozles instead of Wuzzles, I'd understand. Those Woozles are bad news.

This Week In Entertainment (4/19/11)

MORTAL KOMBAT!

.

See you on Monday

I'm going to get in line for the grand 3DS release. Won't be able to post until then. See ya.

Something cool.

Wow, this is old, too.

Dear Jane McGonigal,

I'm sorry that my existence blows your theory out of the water.


If it helps, you are pretty.

WOW! The best game ever has more levels.

That game is, of course, Chip's Challenge. A bunch of Chip's Challenge nerds have created a new level pack, Level Pack 3. It was released back in December. Man, I can't wait until I download it.


Chip's Challenge can be played by downloading the emulator, "Tile World." You have to download your own level packs because the original is copyrighted. The game itself is a bit like Sokoban/Boxxle mixed with puzzle solving and running away from monsters.

Friend Codes are dead.

Long live simpler friend codes.


Also the 3DS will be released in March for 250 dollars.

It's off the shelfs like Donkey Kong.

I've been wanting to buy Mario Vs Donkey Kong: Mini-Land Mayhem! but I can't find it. I hope people realize that this is a Lemmings like game and not a Mario platformer.

Brian Ashcraft is a creepy Wapanese pedophile.

There, that should get me a few extra clicks.



Video game blogs are mostly awful, is what I'm saying. Kotaku for example.

2010 E3 for the Big N

I watched the E3 live show for the fifth straight year, and this one will be remembered as being as big as the famous 2006 one. The show just had big game after big game this year, with little boring parts.


The show started with Zelda Wii right off the bat. The game has a Twilight Princess/Wind Waker hybrid look to it. The controls weren't working during the show but I'm sure Zelda: Recalibrate Every Five Minutes* will be a step up from Spirit Tracks.

* - Also known as Skyward Sword.


After that we got to the next few games, Wii Party, Mario Mix Sports, and Just Dance 2. Wii Party might be worth a look but I didn't care for Mario Party 8. Mario Mix Sports could have been worth a try if it had football like I assumed it would, but it has hockey, volleyball, and dodgeball. Eh. I'm not touching Just Dance.

That seemed to be it for the "casual" games, weirdly enough. Next up was Golden Sun DS. I have nothing to say about that because I never had a Golden Sun game. But I did have Goldeneye, and screw the revision historians. The N64 version is still a great game, so hopefully the Wii remake will be good.

Next up was Epic Mickey. It seemed to be a combo of Super Mario Sunshine mixed with Judge Doom. I hope the paint erasing means something other than removing a polygon in your way. Otherwise it seems to be like a 3d Mickey Mania.

The next couple games were Kirby: Yarn Epic and Donkey Kong Country Returns. I'll be honest, the Kirby game hurt my eyes a bit. I wish Kirby was whole while everything else was yarn. I was never a big fan of Donkey Kong Country but this remake should be a good platformer. It has Donkey and Diddy like the original game.

After that I was begging for some 3DS screens, but no, more games. I think there was a bit about Dragon's Quest IX but I tuned out at that point.

Metroid Other M was shown. The latest trailer didn't really show anything new. Too bad, because I really want that game when it comes out late August.


The big news of the show was the 3DS. That took up the final 30 minutes. Good, because that was what I anticipated the most. Sadly, they couldn't actually show the 3d features on the big monitors. I hope to see one in stores before too long. I was disappointed initially by the fact that it looks a lot like the DS, but the software and GameCube quality graphics look great. (Seriously, we Nintendo fans will be getting Street Fighter 4 and Saints Row.) And they're promising movies, which hopefully means I can put movies on it like an iPhone. If that's the case, that's a day 1 purchase right there. Too bad they didn't give a price.

The big surprise of the show was a new Kid Icarus game. I didn't care for the NES game, but hey, this is a chance to make it into a franchise so maybe it'll be a great first party title for the new portable.



After the show some nerds complained, but there weren't as many as usual. Also the Xbox 360 Slim would be purchased by me if I wasn't so ancient by video game standards. Oh well. I hope to try Kinect in a store. I know people are putting it down but if it's fun, it's fun.

A trend I don't like.

Dear video game talking morons. The so-called journalists. Video games are fun. Politics are the anti-fun.

Stop trying to combine the two. Thank you.

Just a reminder to "Real, hardcore gamers"

You're not as important as you think you are.

But hey, go ahead and try to change the language so you can win the debate on your own terms. We'll just ignore the facts that don't conform to the "REALLY REAL HARDCORE, TUH-RUE NEX GEN, HIGH DEFINITION OR ELSE" worldview. Remember, Nintendo assassinated JFK and filmed the fake moon landings to cover up for the fact that they're selling more Wiis by selling less Wiis.

E3 for Big N

Three Words: Any objections, lady?



I watched the gamespot feed for the fourth straight year. I was surprised that I had to enter my birthdate.

So the show itself started with Cammie Dunaway. HAW! Take that, whiney nerds afraid of g-g-girls!

She introduced the first game, a Mario one. I've had up and down feelings about. First, she talked about the fourth dimension, thinking that Mario was going through time. But it turns out that she meant the Mario answer to Zelda: Four Swords. At least it doesn't require four Game Boy Advances to play. You play as Mario, Luigi, Blue Toad or Yellow Toad and can turn into some sort of flying Pikmin thing. Hopefully it includes an online option. I have heard that it has the koopalings so at least there's that.

Nice way to start the show but it only whet my appetite. The next thing was Wii Fit Plus. This takes the old Wii Fit and adds new mini-games plus gives you the locker option that allows you to set your own workout. WHICH THE ORIGINAL GAME SHOULD HAVE HAD! Just saying. It comes with and without a Wii Balance Board. I would like the "First Person version of Mario" mini-game. In fact, I'm surprised they didn't show it off.

Next up was Reggie Phils-Amie or whatever. The big guy. He talked about Wii Motion Plus with some skinny nerd. I can't wait for this thing. I'm going to buy Tiger Woods 10 just to get my hands on one. They showed off some Wii Sports Resort games like basketball and archery. Nintendo, PLEASE have a online mode for Wii Sports Resort. I don't think I'm asking for much.

I learned that the speakers suck at playing their games. Just amuses me.

I'm sorry but I'm not remembering much about the whole thing. There was probably some videos that I ignored. Then they started introducing random games:

Final Fantasy: Crystal Bearers. - Gee, thanks Square-Enix for taking one of your generic games and slapping the Final Fantasy logo on it!

Kingdom Hearts: DS - I give up on the dumb series after the awful second game but it does look good for a DS title.

Mario & Luigi 3: Bowser's Inside Story - I love this series but this game is insane. You play the entire game inside Bowser's gut. And I thought they were kidding.

Golden Sun DS: Never played any of these games. I started to get tired of RPGs around the time the GBA was released.


Cammie showed off a game for women, some detective game about some murder novels. I thought it was weird that they were marketing a game about dead women for women.

Then she showed off a stereotypical "girls" game where you play dress up. Wow, I didn't think they would present a game like that at a big conference.


One of the biggest surprises was COP: The Recruit. It's a GTA style game for the DS that looked pretty good. Might have to get that one.

After that they started talking about the DSi. I don't have one so I lost interest. I do like the idea of making your own Wario Ware Mini Game, and I bet it won't be long before we see dirty DIY mini-games posted on the web.

Also DIY Mario Minis. I was excited about that DS game but lost interest in it quickly. Meh.


Then Nintendo president Iwata came on stage. Sadly, this was the worst part of the show. He just went on and on and for once I agreed with the whiney nerds. He showed off a peripheral that could monitor your heart rate. Presumably this is for exercise games but if they tried it for other games it could be interesting. Still, this part went on too long. Nintendo, next year give only one "We rock. We expand audiences. Whatever" speech, ok?


After that they revealed another Mario game. Since it was towards the end of the show, I was joking to myself that the game was MARIO VS ZELDA, but it turned out to be Super Mario Galaxy 2. I'll take that. Good job.

Then they showed off three more games. One was Resident Evil: Dark Chronicles. I bet those Wii shooting RE games are ok but I'd rather have RE5, even if it was severely stripped down. Another was The Conduit. This game might be a make or break game for the Wii's future given all the hype it's gotten. There was a third game I forgot but it was also bloody.

If they had ended it there I would have been satisfied. But then Nintendo finally threw a knock out punch. (Not a moment too late, either. I liked the show but I'm sure most nerds would have been disappoined.) They showed a trailer that mentioned some video game company I wasn't aware of teaming up with Nintendo. At first the trailer showed off generic, 3d anime characters straight out of a Final Fantasy game. Some blonde with a pixie haircut walked around on some space station. Ho hum. Then there was some military guy. Yeah, yeah. "Any objections, lady?"

What?

WHAAAAAT?!

All of a sudden the blonde suddenly had a ponytail and was dressed in the Zero Suit-Samus costume.


YESSSS!

Damn, another Metroid game. This one seems to combine third and first person. Who cares, this game is going to be great. Just watching her jump on Ridley and shooting at his head was great. I hope the story doesn't get in the way of the game.

Show over.



I like this show. I've seen the usual complaints but I think this show was better than 2007 or the infamous 2008 show. Thanks for the Metroid surprise at the end, Nintendo. More of that will keep fans from making up conspiracy theories about you.

E3 2009: Day 1

Two big things announced today. First thing was Tales of Monkey Island for PC and WiiWare. I've played the third and fourth game so I'll definitely play all five episodes of this series. I hope they bring back the voice of Guybrush from those two games. That guy actually made a whiny character funny.


The other big news is that Microsoft has half-heartedly embraced motion controls. Sorta. They're going to release Project Natal, a camera that senses motion similar to the PS2 EyeToy. This thing will probably be quickly forgotten but who knows. I was prepared to rag on Microsoft for conceding defeat to the Wii but they're still fighting for second place with Sony.


Tomorrow is the Nintendo E3 show. I hope to watch it like I have the past 3 years. And I hope Cammy Dunaway shows up just to scare the nerds who won't admit that they fear girls.

Yes, nerds, *I*'m laughing at you. Let that sink in.

E3

It's E3 week and I'd like to say that this is the official blog for all your E3 needs.

Except for news and booth babes. But I will have my own commentary this week unless I can't watch the E3 Nintendo show. Which could go either way.

Still, OFFICIAL BLOG. Right here.

Another Tork mention!

I was mentioned in another GoNintendo podcast from several weeks ago. I get mentioned in Episode 186 during the last 20 minutes.

That was a song I sent in about a year before during the winter. The song was appropriate for the season.

Why didn't I think of that!?

Chrontendo is a blog started by a user named Dr. Sparkle and it's an on going series of videos about NES and Famicom games. He's playing each game in chronological order, and he does 15 games an episode. Very good stuff, and he's even started an adjacent Sega Master System series.

I've already watched all 20 episodes in about a week. I can't wait to see more from this blog.