Black History Month Essay #9

My essay is about Richard Roundtree. He is best known for being the Lincoln of the seventies.

Richard was born on July 9th, 1942 in New Rochelle, NY. It was a very complicated birth. His mother later described it as giving birth to a machine. Shut up.

As a young adult Richard attended Souther Illinois University on a football scholarship. He would later give up a career in athletics because the touchdowns gave him the creeps. Instead he became a model with the Ebony Fashion Fair before joining the Negro Ensemble Company in 1967. Seriously, shut up.

He made his debut in the movie that put him on the map, "What Do You Say to a Naked Lady?" Turned out he didn't have to say a damn thing, and that made him a star. Around this time a fringe movie industry exploded, so Richard was set to star in a movie called Shaft, but the producers wimped out at the last moment. The altered film has it's defenders, including aliens. Leftover scripts led to the sequel "Shaft's Big Score!" Be quiet.

Even though the cut scenes were lost to time, it's clear that Richard's sexuality was out of control. He got the nickname Earthquake at this time. Seeking a more serious role, he made "Shaft in Africa" as an excuse to study the continent. This led to his role in "Roots." Damn right.

[Shaft In Africa is in no way endorsed by Tork's Blog. Yuck.]

Richard was so popular in the seventies that he was being paid in diamonds, and he peaked at the end of the decade with "Game for Vultures", a film about the video game "Phoenix". Unfortunately, things took a turn for the worst when the seventies ended and everybody was tired from all the sex and the subgenre went to geeks and nerds. Richard tried to bring new ideas to The Love Boat, but it didn't work out and his career suffered. Richard tried to take out his frustration on Ichon, but that didn't help. He was as stable as a maniac cop as he went from his fame to the crack house, but he never copped out.

In the nineties he made a comeback by being a head of the curve. In Se7en, he brought bad computer spelling to the masses. He got more roles, including a unique role where he was the only person in the nineties to laugh at Thomas Haden Church. The nineties were filled with remakes, and Richard made "The Original Gangstas", a new take on the Little Rascal shorts. Dig?

In the turn of the century Richard's career revival landed him in a dream role. Appearing in a Chris Kattan film was one of the highlights of Richard's career, and it helped him get a role in the remake of Shaft. The remake is about...who cares?! Isn't Samuel L Jackson the coolest?! He had a purple lightsabre, gosh darnit!

Richard Roundtree still continues to make films. One of his upcoming movies is The Bitter Earth, a PSA about what not to lick. This will be followed by Spats, which is about what not to wear.

Richard Roundtree had a great career, and this essay has shown that he was truly the great emancipator. To this day, though, very few people understand him.