A Look at the Summer Movies 2009

I almost forgot to do this and it's already May. Better get this done now.



The One Movie I Would See If I Could Only Choose One:


Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince: I'm amazed by these movies. I saw the first two films before I read the movies and they were a lot of fun. And the bigger the books got the movies were able to keep up without sacrificing too much narrative. Spoiler alert: There's no prince in this movie!



Movies I Want To See A LOT:


Star Trek 11: Officially Star Trek, but I'm calling it Eleven anyway. This movie is an EXTREEEEEEEEEME revamp of the original crew. This is NOT YOUR FATHER'S STAR TREK, but apparently in a good way unlike Enterprise. Despite the pretty boyness of Kirk and Spock, I'm hoping that they don't screw this up. Featuring a cameo appearance of Leonard Nimoy and not Shatner because one directed Three and Four and the other directed Five. Please guys, don't screw this up. I want them to start making more techno-babble filled ST series! Heck, I bet this film is a hit because the summer is so weak.



Movies that I Might See If Someone Offered:


X-Men Origins: Wolverine: The X-Men films have been good, but I'm worried that it's run its course by this poin. At least I hope this movie drops the preachy tone of the other films.


Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaur: The other two Ice Age films aren't great, but they've been surprisingly good. Should be a descent follow up.


Public Enemies: Especially if they talk in stereotypical Edward G Robinson fashion. Myeh, see?!



Movies I'm Indifferent to:



Terminator Salvation: The only Terminator movie I've seen is the second one when it was shown on network TV. It was good but I doubt that the series is getting any better without the governator.


Angels and Demons: Is this really where you want to go with your career now, Hanks? Ok, whatever.



Battle for Terra: This movie has been out for two years now and is only getting a US release this summer. To show you how little faith I have in this film, let me poin out that this movie is out NOW and I didn't notice it on Monday when I was looking at films.


Orphan: Evil creepy girl movie. I guess they didn't even give her a cool evil creepy name like Damien.



G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra: I was never a fan of G.I. Joe growing up, so this is lost on me. But why did they bother making this if they didn't want to make the heroes American?


Land of the Lost: Because that movie based on Lost in Space did so well! (Note: For some reason I have Lost in Space and Land of the Lost as two similar series in my brain, so the joke probably only works to me. Thank you for your patience.)


Now Obligatory CGI Movies:



Up: This is a Pixar movie about an old man who flies around in his house to travel exotic lands. I'll have to admit that it wouldn't interest me if it was done by anybody but Pixar.


Aliens in the Attic: Ok, so this is techinally not a CGI movie, but it feels like it should be. The interesting part is that one kid wears an Activision Grand Prix shirt for no apparent reason. I guess some kids still appreciate 30 year old games.





Sequels In Series I haven't Seen At All:


Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian: This might be fun. Hope the museum looks like the real thing even though I doubt it will due to security reasons. Oh well. I used to go to the Smithsonian on field trips.



Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen: I was sad to see the first movie not fall flat on its face. Hopefully this one will be so stupid that it pisses off Otaku nerds.



Final Destination: Death Trip: They're still making these movies? Didn't the first movie rest on the premise that John Denver's music will kill everyone? What a dumb series.



H2: Poiny thing goes in squishy part. Why the hell did they reset this franchise? Was Halloween Resurrection really that bad? And will H3 be completely unrelated to Michael Myers?



The Heck!?



G-Force: Beverly Hills Chihuahau with gerbils instead of dogs. Disney, please get on your hands and knees and thank whatever god you believe in for the fact that you still own Pixar.


Funny People: Adam Sandler finds laughter in situations involving terminally ill people. Because this worked so well with Robin Williams in Patch Adams.





No. Flipping. Way.



Year One: This year's Jack Black movie. Sorry, I just can't stand him.


Imagine That: An Eddie Murphy movie where...Eddie Murphy is still allowed to make movies?


Food, Inc.: Another film that teaches us that eating fat foods will make us fat. GET OUT OF TOWN!!! (Damn you, Spurlock! I blame you.)







Closing: Boy, this summer really misses Marvel. I can't wait until the 2010 blockbuster season.