Your Butt

People are mortal. I hope you were sitting down when you read that last sentence. Anyway, since people want to squeeze some more years out of their lives, there's always products that claim to extend your life. Unfortunately, a lot of them are scams. For example!!!

The most recent fad usually has two steps. The first step is unimportant. Usually you eat some rare berries or something. It's the kind of thing found in old diets where one miracle thing can make up for your lifetime of watching TV and eating potato chips.

It's step two that tries something new. The second step in a lot of these scams that you'll see in many web ads are colon cleansings. Basically, they claim that there is a lot of gunk in your colon, and if you don't flush the "toxins" out, you'll stay fat or something. I've heard that some of these ads even show gross feces to convince you that something was clogging you up and now the guy in the photo is good to go.

The solution is some product that you eat to "flush" your colon. Naturally, you have to take the company's word that it's your previously bad colon that produced your gross feces, not the product.


I bring this up for a couple reasons. One, this ad is everywhere, at least where I roam to on the internet. (Now that I think of that...HEY!!!) It's endorsed by CNN, Oprah, and some Food Network cook, except when it's not. Whenever you click on an ad promising weight loss, you can be assured that it will tell you about your large intestines.

(And of course, they won't let you leave unless you click a double pop up prompt to cancel. Didn't we all agree that pop ups are a bad thing and only used by people who want to give us viruses? I get very nervous when I see that box and want to close the whole page instead.)

The second reason is that this scam uses the WORST before and after pics I've seen. It must be hard for con men to put those together. You have to get a before guy who appeals to the gullible, but you have to have the after guy look reasonably like the before guy. Instead, many of the ads I see show a bulked up before guy, and the same guy with a tan and a baseball cap. Really.

Flush your colon, people. It's holding your melanin count down.