Father's Day Essay #2

My essay is about David Letterman. He is the best known expert about low IQ pets, but he should be known for other stuff as well.

David was born in Indianapolis. He attened Broad Ripple High School and Ball State University. This is because the people of Indianapolis are so invested in the Indy 500 that they can't be bothered to come up with good names for their schools.

Letterman's early career included radio talk show host and weatherman. As the latter, it's said that he either impressed everybody with his sense of humor or committed suicide. I'm not sure which.

In 1975 he moved to LA to become a comedy writer. His talents got him one of the sweetest jobs: He got to pick the appropriate moments to say "DYNOMITE!" on Good Times. It was there that he met his future mortal enemy, Jimmy Walker. There have been movies made about their late-nite rivalry.

Letterman appeared on several shows, and even hosted his own game show called The Riddlers, but the pilot was never picked up because he refused to where the question mark costume. Letterman eventually ended up on Carson's show as a regular after a particularly confusing Carnac bit.

Letterman got his first tv show in the morning, but people didn't want to wake up to that face, so he was moved to the night where he became famous as a late-late host. Although he was initially happy with the spot after Carson, Letterman soon got tired of his show, and started picking fights with Cher and Shirley MacClaine. He also became a big jerk around animals, throwing pencils at them or dropping them off buildings. Naturally, he was awarded with a big contract to host the CBS late show.

On his new show, he was able to win his slot for 18 months, until the pressure of writing a top ten list every night finally caused him to break down. He suffered a heart attack that wasn't noticed until half a decade later. (There was some suspicion that there were problems when he hosted the Oscars.) Still, his appearance in Cabin Boy is a fan favorite.

Letterman's company is Worldwide Pants. This led to him being stalked by some woman, because men in pants are irresistable.

Today Letterman still hosts his show with Johnny Carwash. In conclusion, Leno is a hump and a pinhead.