Sorry, my account was hacked earlier.

But rest assure, I won't tell the authorities about it at all.  Yep, not a soul.

Go Bruins!

Hey everybody, let's all root for Mickey's team, the Boston Bruins.



If they don't win, he'll beat me up.

I've changed my mind.

Now I hope the Bruins take two of their next three games so it makes the Caps look even worst for losing to a team that wasn't good enough to make the finals.


And now Mickey is going to kill me for jinxing his team.

This Week in Entertainment (5/23/11)

My Pick of the Week is The Great Dictator, by Charlie Chaplin. This was the first full length film to criticize Hitler (at least in America. The Hays Codes prevented people from making overtly political films.) I think I read somewhere that it may have inspired the Three Stooges to make You Natzy Spy! Here's a clip of the globe scene.


Also out this week is a DVD of that wedding that happened recently. Hey, it's five bucks for women wearing goofy hats.

For 80 bucks you can own the complete Kids in the Hall series. I have Season One thanks to a friend, but I only watched half of it because I'm a jerk. I'll finish it someday!

I like Jon Lovitz from The Critic and The Simpsons but I don't think I've seen him in anything else, except High School High. I'm not sure how I would react to this comedy club featuring him. I do know that Showtime isn't really my thing. Showtime is like a lazier HBO.

Gnomeo and Juliet is about... look, I bet they just came up with the title and then slapped "generic 3d animated film" onto it. Prove me wrong and I will give you a credit at Tork's Blog.


In theaters is Kung Fu Panda 2. I haven't seen the first one because, you know, Dreamworks. By the way, nice poster. Way to ignore the Dreamworks face criticism.

I once saw an experiment where a teacher split her students up and made them ostracize each other based on eye color. The Wave kind of sounds like that, although I don't know how you make a feature length film about that kind of thing.

On Blu-Ray are a couple Civil War movies: Gettysburg, and Gods and Generals. Nothing against Civil War enthusiasts, because it really is a fascinating part of America's history, but it's also safe. It's easier to argue about things from the distant past because it's not a threat to the present.

A couple of Jackie Chan films: Operation Condor and Twin Dragons.



On the 3DS is Dead or Alive: Dimensions. Because breasts.

I don't know what 99Bullets is about, but I'm a sucker for anything that has a "retro look". 500 Nintendo Points.

I have an app on iTunes.

But to keep my identity safe, I'm not providing a link. Yes, I know it's lame that you to take my word for it.

It's for a University so it wasn't really an app for the rest of the world.

San Francisco banning things

Or, something being done to those things. It's on the ballot and it's for infants.

I'm curious if this kind of thing will create a new minority. And which side I would be on. I need to know whether or not I can shout "Oppression!"

And I will only vote for people* based on whether there amount of down there skin matches mine. Because that's what identity politics is about.

* - Unless it's a woman running, I guess. See, women have it so easy...

Pro hockey in a nutshell.

Last night I caught the end of the second period of the Vancouver Canucks/San Jose Sharks Semifinals game 2. Towards the end of the period, after the Sharks just gave up a goal thanks to terrible defense to make it 3-2, some guy on the Sharks started a fight. During intermission, one of the analyst went on and on about how this could be the turning point for the Sharks (who were already down a game in a best of seven series.) Supposedly, that player doesn't fight much so that could have been used to rally his team. It was late so I went to bed.


Final score of the game? Vancouver: seven. San Jose: three.


But look at that one guy fight!

YABBA...DABBA...REMEMBER THE EIGHTIES!?

The worst part of the Seth MacFarlane reboot (on FOX in 2013)? A Flintstones reboot/upgrade isn't a bad idea.

The Flintstones isn't a bad show, obviously, but it suffers from the fact that it was the only real hit animated prime time show until the nineties. Before the Simpsons, people thought of animated prime time shows as copies of an old (great) sitcoms. By itself The Flintstones was fine but compared to classic Simpsons it comes off as antiquated. Maybe an updated Flintstones will be faster paced and embrace new gags. And maybe modern writers will go easy on the "rock" and "stone" gags.

I just wish the project was headed by anybody but this guy. Oh well, I'll try to watch one episode and then make a decision. I do want to see a gag about Homer Fred and Barney smoking while the wives do chores.

Hey, it's cool now.

That must be worth a fortune!

I just found 14 trillion dollar bills under my mattress. America's debt problems are solved*!

I don't demand anything for my generous donations. I just love the country. However, if someone wouldn't mind checking off this long list of special requests...






* - For like a year.

This Week In Entertainment (5/17/11)

I have two Pick of the Weeks. I can't choose one Rifftrax Live Show over the other, can I? From last year, we have Reefer Madness and House on Haunted Hill.


Also out this week in theaters is the fourth Pirates of the Caribbean. It has to be better than the third movie, right? At least we dump the girl and her love interest, right? And maybe have more Barbossa, the only good thing about movie three.

Hard Breakers is a movie about two women who kidnap men and...WHA?! Is this really a The Violent Years-type movie? And jeez, one of the attackers is "good" and one of them is "bad." What more can I .... Oh dear. The one review up at Rotten Tomatoes makes it sound more like a comedy. Yeesh.


On DVD is a Thor animated movie. Shouldn't this been out a week earlier to capitalize on the film?

These two Abott and Costello movies are new releases, I guess. Rio Rita and Abott and Costello Meets Captain Kidd.

Cigarette commercials, the beer commercials of their time! I hope they include all the dancing cigarette ones.

Corporate Cut Throat Massacre is about competition or something. If it was the eighties it would just end up being a slasher film.

On Virtual Console is Chrono Trigger, the greatest game about time travel. I defy you to find a game that implements time travel better than this one, and it's just an RPG. I hope this is the original translation, because if it doesn't have "Sir Slush!" I'll be annoyed.

The Fisher Price Tape Recorder Recording!

Tork's Blog reader "Big T" left a comment about ... wait, this blog has readers? Crap.

Anyway, he left a comment to my nostalgic look at the tape recorder. The recorder came with a yellow cassette tape. On one side was blank so you can make recordings, and the other side gave you tips on what to do. Enjoy.

This Week in Entertainment (5/8/11)

My Pick of the Week is Soul of the Bellydance. As someone who has used Amazon for years for DVD entries, I've seen hundreds of bellydancing DVDs. This one may be the first to discuss the soul of the whole thing. Or maybe it's another tutorial for housewives. I wouldn't know.



In theaters this week is the terrible looking People vs George Lucas. Now, I LOVE Plinkett, so I don't mind people taking shots at Lucas for the trilogy, but this documentary looks like a bunch of whiney nerds making bad arguments, which will make Lucas look good. I have my doubts about this film.

I saw Priest advertised at a GameSpot. Enough said?

On DVD is some Justin Beiber movie. When I was a kid, I laughed at jokes about killing Barney. Now I just want to slap anybody who think "Justinbeiber!" is a punchline.

Good gravy! A twentieth anniversary edition of Home Improvement? I still can't believe that show lasted beyond it's highly rated first two seasons.

I know that KissMe Girls: Girls Kissing is probably about, but looking at the title I laugh at the idea of someone buying it and being disappointed that it's just kissing. "Whoo!! WHOO! Whoooooo! ... Aren't they going to do something else?" (No, I'm not providing a link.)


On Wii Virtual Console is MDK 2, a game about huge bosses and those wacky scientist levels. I was surprised by the game's sense of humor when I played it for the PS2. Pick it up for ten bucks.

Ok, fine.

I have this thing. So there.

http://twitter.com/#!/tork_110

One one one one

OH HELLS YEAH!


South Carolina is sticking it to The Feds by passing Light Bulb Freedom Act.


FOR THOMAS EDISON*!









* - Or the guy who Edison stole the incandescent light bulb from. Whatever.

It's that time of year again.

I just got my yearly Disney DVD. I got it free for signing up for it at the Disneyland website.





I now have three DVDs from the past three years. Man, maybe I should someday visit one of the parks.

Seems the right thing to do

would be to root for the Bruins.

A) They're most likely to move on and face the Lightning in the conference finals.
B) One of my contributors is a Boston sports fan.


But I won't! Because I'm an asshole! HAGHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! GO WHATEVER TEAMS ARE IN THE WESTERN CONFERENCE! Kill the east! KILL ALL THE EAST!




Not quite at acceptance yet.

This Week in Entertainment (5/3/11)

It's summer already? It is in Hollywood. The blockbusters are coming out.


Thor is one of them. I'm not a comic book fan, but I am a comic book movie fan so I'll probably see it. I don't know if the hero is a god or not but he does have a Shao Kahn hammer as a weapon.

Also out in theaters is this movie. I hate to say, "the jokes write themselves" because that's lazy, but it's a movie about mental illness starring Mel Gibson. It's the lowest of low fruits.

(Note that the Rotten Tomatoes URL gives a year of release as 2010. I smell trouble.)

Oh, good one! Why would you even give a hobo a shotgun? (I just read the synopsis and noticed that it contained the f word. That probably sums up who the movie is being marketed to.)


On DVD is two thing that the Internet ruined, now in one movie! It's Ninjas vs Vampires.

I was just amused by the box cover. It's kind of like Enemy Mine, with more breasts.

Follow-up thought.

I was thinking about my earlier post last night and the ending to The Addams Family Values popped into my mind.

You took me in, you accepted me, but did any of you love me? Really love me?

The villainess then attempts to murder the family.



(Man, those two movies were great. I really wish they could have made a third. Raul Julia died too soon.)

If it's any consolation

B's would've destroyed the Caps.

Best to get out now while you still could :p

Thought of the night.

Don't cry for me. I'm already dead.

(Geez, good thing I don't drink. I would have a massive hangover tomorrow morning.)

Thought of the week.

Thought of the day.

Rebelling against your parents is not the actions of an accepting person. In fact, please be specific about what being an accepting person is. Is there any real virtue in being an accepting person? Sounds like what should be default behavior to me. Do you want a gold star for doing what's expected of you?

Not mine.

But I don't think anybody will mind if I borrow it.

How about that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHJoj9IqeKg

Did I fail to mention...

that Tampa Bay's goalie is 41 years old?


I'm so miserable I could commit genocide. But I'm a lazy, lazy person, so I'll sleep it off and ignore the rest of the series.

Dear Bruce,

Yeah, it's nice that you won that one round and all, but your team has placed first place in its conference twice in a row. Just making it to the second round in your second try isn't cutting it.

Try making fun of MSG. That sure will work again.