A Look at the Summer Movies

Because, why bother looking up some popular website or magazine when you can read my thoughts?! Anyway...

I like Summer Blockbusters. They're the only movies I'll go to see anymore. Not that I go to the theaters often. Anyway, here is the big summer blockbusters of 2007.





The One Movie I Would See If I Could Only Choose One:

Spider-Man 3 - I have a feeling that this movie is going to be a letdown after the first two, and I'm already trying to avoid spoilers that confirm or deny this feeling, but this should still be a good movie. I do wish the stuff I read about the Sandman turns out to be false, since it sounds like a needless way to rewrite the first movie. I do want to see what they're going to do with Gwen Stacey.




Movies I Want To See A LOT:

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - Besides the Spiderman films, this is one of the great series of the decade. A lot of credit has to go to the makers of the previous films in making them work. I almost wish I was a kid so I can enjoy this series as one. That said, this was the longest book of the series and they're going to have to cut out a lot. I'm really hoping they can pull this off for this one and the final two books.



Movies I'm Excited About (in a way):

Transformers - I never got into Transformers so I don't give a damn about this movie. However, given the negative buzz, I can't wait until the nerds unleash their whiney fury on Michael Bay. "HOW COULD HE CHANGE THIS OR THAT!? DAMN HIM!!!!" That's going to be great.




Movies that I Might See If Someone Offered:

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer - I wasn't really a fan of the first movie. The heroes didn't seem to be that heroic and the movie spent too much time with dumb jokes and the fire guy doing lame stunts. I also don't really know anything about the Silver Surfer (my dad was a DC Comics fan.) It'll probably be watchable but just that just like the first movie.

Rush Hour 3 - There was a time in the late 90s where my family got a lot of Jackie Chan movies. I was disappoined by the first movie but liked the second one. (Lower expectations, maybe?) Maybe Tucker will die ten minutes into the movie.

Mr. Bean's Holiday - The show is great. The 1997 movie sucked. Even the scenes recycled from the show sucked. Still, maybe they learned from that and decided to make a good movie. We'll see.



Movies I'm Indifferent to:

Shrek 3 - Hated the first one. It was way too smug about it's supposed cleverness. Didn't see the second one. I'm not a big fan of the mugging of Mike Myers.

The Simpsons Movie - I was going to say that I would still be interested in this movie if the writers could avoid the enviroment and lame politics, but who cares? BART'S GOING TO BE NUDE!! YOU HEAR THAT!! HEY, EVERYBODY! BART'S THINGIE!!!! PLEASE, PLEASE COMPLAIN SO WE CAN BE RELEVANT AGAIN!!!! (Seriously, I rather see Futurama in the theaters. I'd love to see their animation on the big screen.)





Now Obligatory CGI Movies:

Ratatouille - In the Pixar corner!!!!! It's, uh, some movie about a rat. I guess we still have to wait for them to rebound after the ok-ness of Cars.

Surf's Up - In the Not-Pixar corner!!!! It's, uh, more stupid penguins.






Sequels In Series I haven't Seen At All:

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End - We have the earlier movies on DVD, so maybe I'll watch them.

28 Days Later... - I'm not a fan of zombies. If I had to see a movie about zombies, I'd rather see a junkie one. (Although I've never seen the Resident Evil movies either.)

Ocean's Thirteen - Another heist!? See, now you're just being greedy.

Evan Almighty - I used to be a huge fan of Jim Carrey, but haven't seen too many after he failed at being a serious actor. This doesn't even have him, so I'm not sure what the poin is. (And where the heck is my real sequel to The Mask?!)

Live Free or Die Hard - Is that what happens to New Hampshire residents if they don't live free?

Bourne Ultimatum - I can't think of anything to say.





Because We Just Love Video Game Adaptions

In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale - This will be Uwe Boll's greatest film, by the way. I'm damn sure of it.

DOA: Dead or Alive - More like Dead on Arrival! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!






The Heck!?

Underdog - No, seriously!? Live action, and the dog doesn't speak in rhyme? Now I regret liking George of the Jungle.

Bratz Movie - The only way I'd see this movie if it was directed by and written by Strong Bad.




No. Flipping. Way.

Hostel 2 - Torturing dumb American tourists! And this time with women, which means possible rape! And the poster has a big chunk of unidentified meat!

Bleck.