That's the sound of MSTies heads exploding over this announcement:
Rumors has it that it has something to do with the Manos restoration project. As someone who expects to get a free Blu-Ray when this project is over, it would be damn cool to also get a Rifftrax built onto the disc.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Sunday, February 26, 2012
This Week in Entertainment (Feb 2012)
Friday, February 24, 2012
The Saddest Ring
Do you remember the early plot point in Ace Ventura about the AFC/NFC Championship rings? (The Super Bowl loser gets a runner-up ring.)
I've never seen them before until today. Look at this thing:
Then again, I do like this one:
By the way, kiss Rex Grossman's ring:
Speaking of Rex Grossman, kiss Peyton Manning's other ring:
The rings can be found here.
I've never seen them before until today. Look at this thing:
 |
| :o( |
Then again, I do like this one:
 |
| Thurman Thomas probably lost this. |
By the way, kiss Rex Grossman's ring:
Speaking of Rex Grossman, kiss Peyton Manning's other ring:
 | |
| Greatest Pick-six Of All Time |
The rings can be found here.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
500 Episodes.
How did we let this happen? I'm sorry I beat those NES Bart vs. games.
http://www.simpsonschannel.com/2012/02/new-episode-at-long-last-leave/
http://www.simpsonschannel.com/2012/02/new-episode-at-long-last-leave/
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Bronco? More like Honky Donkey!
That's my Tim Tebow headline. Give me a job, ESPN!
Jeezey crazey, people of my generation grew up learning about slavery, racism, and Civil Rights in the sixties. You'd think we would show signs of being free of this stuff, but no, ironic racism is HILARIOUS!
Jeezey crazey, people of my generation grew up learning about slavery, racism, and Civil Rights in the sixties. You'd think we would show signs of being free of this stuff, but no, ironic racism is HILARIOUS!
Tork's the 1 Percent!!!!!!!!
Check out this old TftD reply!
------------------------------------------------
Tork: You're killing me off!!! But I'm the most popular character!!
PM: Actually I did a poll. You rank behind 42, the cow, h_wood, and IamWritersBlock. The "pleh" incident cost you at least a percentage point.
Tork: Leaving me with...?
PM: 1 percent...if you round up...liberally.
Tork: ...1 percent? 1 PERCENT!!! ... All right!! I'm number one! I'm number one!
----------------------------------------------------------------
I knew it! Stop oppressing me oppressor!
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Dear PETA,
You know what would happen if I joined a group and all of a sudden, I was constantly having the best sex of my life?
Why, I would go around nagging people about their choices in their life, of course!
Seriously, PETA, you are a living caricature. Is there anything about you but stunts?
Why, I would go around nagging people about their choices in their life, of course!
Seriously, PETA, you are a living caricature. Is there anything about you but stunts?
Monday, February 13, 2012
In C-Three-D-O
Star Wars: Episode 1 made 23 million dollars over the weekend. Shame on you nerds! I mean, look at that poster. It doesn't even show Liam Neeson's character. His was just as bad as the rest, but at least he was the closest thing in the movie to making anything work.
I just wanted to say that I proudly kept my money away from Lucas and gave it to the Red Letter Media guys for this commentary. Also, I still have this Rifftrax, and it's one of my favorites.
Remember, there is no substance to this movie. Lucas fell victim to his own ego. The only thing good about it is people forever mocking it.
A correction.
In an earlier post, I implied that a Simpsons episode was mocking Bill O'Rielly. It just occurred to me that Homer's crying was actually a shot at crazy Glen Beck. For some reason I just thought the crying was a shot at John Boehner.
Episode still sucks, but it's important to be accurate, so my apologies.
Episode still sucks, but it's important to be accurate, so my apologies.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
I just want to point out two facts.
Ex-Prez Bush was president from 2001-2008. Current Prez Obama has been the president since 2009.
Ok, do we have that? Good.
This guy is a dope. (I think he may be the guy who named a kid after a Star Wars Prequel Trilogy character.)
Let pull a line out of it.
The Prequel Trilogy was awful, including the politics, not in spite of them. One of my biggest disappointments of the movies was the Galactic Senate itself. One little planet in trouble? Let's immediately dump the chancellor. It was so dumb and useless that OF COURSE it got taken over. I don't care how sad Natalie Portman looked. Episode 4 made it seem like a tragedy when it got dissolved off screen, but it was portrayed so laughably in the first three episodes that I can't see how you were supposed to root for it.
Want to convinced me that this trilogy was accurately portraying the Bush years*? Show an in-universe comedian making a million "Palpatine is dumb!" jokes while Palpatine fails to fight back. Oh yeah, and maybe have B'll O'R'lly on the holographic F'x N'o'o's' channel called the comedian a galaxy hater, I guess.
* - Which, again, ended without a civil war.
Ok, do we have that? Good.
This guy is a dope. (I think he may be the guy who named a kid after a Star Wars Prequel Trilogy character.)
Let pull a line out of it.
Maybe I don't remember those words because they were only used in a trailer. Darth Maul had ONE line in the entire damn movie!
Chances are you don't even remember these words of Darth Maul: "Fear is my ally."
The Prequel Trilogy was awful, including the politics, not in spite of them. One of my biggest disappointments of the movies was the Galactic Senate itself. One little planet in trouble? Let's immediately dump the chancellor. It was so dumb and useless that OF COURSE it got taken over. I don't care how sad Natalie Portman looked. Episode 4 made it seem like a tragedy when it got dissolved off screen, but it was portrayed so laughably in the first three episodes that I can't see how you were supposed to root for it.
Want to convinced me that this trilogy was accurately portraying the Bush years*? Show an in-universe comedian making a million "Palpatine is dumb!" jokes while Palpatine fails to fight back. Oh yeah, and maybe have B'll O'R'lly on the holographic F'x N'o'o's' channel called the comedian a galaxy hater, I guess.
* - Which, again, ended without a civil war.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Brandon Jacobs
Ooooh, big man going after the little model woman. Who was clearly A) emotional, B) defensive, C) being heckled by jerks.
I think he's already apologized but this is such a non-story. Just like Super Bowl 46!
Sports media sucks. All media sucks.* Wake me up when the adults are in charge of things.
(Oh, and we only have 8 more months until the NFL is back.)
* - Except my blog, of course.
I think he's already apologized but this is such a non-story. Just like Super Bowl 46!
Sports media sucks. All media sucks.* Wake me up when the adults are in charge of things.
(Oh, and we only have 8 more months until the NFL is back.)
* - Except my blog, of course.
20-30 dollars
That's the cost of each crow the Catholic Church is going to eat for supporting the prez during PPACA.
No really. 20-30 dollars a pill. And if you suggest to a woman that she pay for it herself, she'll act like you're raping her.
Whatever.
Edit: It's not that I'm implying that stupid, selfish, childish people should stop forcing Catholics to buy them stuff. It's that stupid, selfish, childish people should stop forcing anybody to buy them stuff. But they can't help it. The core of their politics are: "F--- you, pay for mine."
No really. 20-30 dollars a pill. And if you suggest to a woman that she pay for it herself, she'll act like you're raping her.
Whatever.
Edit: It's not that I'm implying that stupid, selfish, childish people should stop forcing Catholics to buy them stuff. It's that stupid, selfish, childish people should stop forcing anybody to buy them stuff. But they can't help it. The core of their politics are: "F--- you, pay for mine."
GameFAQS just added a wiki option.
Sure, why not? Throw in a TV Tropes option so a black hole of terrible can form.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Madonna?
Really?
Really?
REALLY?????????
At least the legacy of the Pac-Man/Ms. Pac Man Wedding will be safe
Friday, February 3, 2012
I've had a HD TV since the summer.
And today is the first day I figured out how to get HD channels. How about that.
Digital channels are weird. I mean, you go your whole life with whole numbers (and maybe A vs B sides) but now I have to learn about hyphenated number channels? Yeesh.
Anyway, there was nothing but news to watch on the big five networks* so I ended up watching Zee TV, which is some network with Indian** programming. The first soap opera was in love with the 360 camera trick (which must be awkward for the actors to just stand there waiting for the camera man to finish.) It was called Dictator Didi or General Didi or Ambassador Didi or something. I don't know, I didn't watch much but despite its title it just seemed to be about regular soap stuff. "Will so-and-so blah blah blah? Tune in!" Then it immediately went to a second soap about a worried woman facing off against the devil. The devil looked like an ordinary man, so I was a little loss. If I only watch the first few minutes I'd be making a joke about how Indian people have special powers apparently. The devils fireballs are negated by red powder, and then the Hindu top god (I'm guessing) takes the body of a smug woman and talks him into repenting his sins, while the worried woman resurrects her husband from death. Lots of crying and family politics at the end.
Is it odd that I can't watch American soaps but can watch foreign ones?
After that there were some Indian music videos. I obviously don't watch a lot of Indian media but what little I see of it (especially anything marked as Bollywood) makes me wonder if India is going through what the U.S. did during the Golden Age. And remember that took place during a freaken depression and a war. Everybody's happy and there's no sense of irony that I have yet to see.
A few commercials reminded me of my experiences with Indian food. I mean, even when I went to a vegetarian restaurant the food was still ridiculously spicy. I can't even eat a spicy chicken sandwich without suffering a little. I think one of the things they were advertising was called Hot Spicy, but I can't look it up because I don't trust Google.***
There was also an ad for Indian Mail Order Brides. Hmmm, could I go vegetarian?****
I like India. I hope they win the inevitable nuclear war with Pakistan.
* - I have no idea why I consider The CW a big network, other than I guess I used to root for UPN and The WB in their first years.
** - I mean India the country, not Indians the natives in America.
*** - Oh, and another thing about Indian food that has nothing to do with watching Zee TV. India, you guys need to get more sugar in your diets. You call THOSE sweets? We in America will show you sweets! And...a few more pounds on your bodies...
**** - Nah.
More: General Didi is the first show's name, but it was originally called Hitler Didi. Buh? There doesn't even seem to be a character named Didi.
Also weird? No sitcoms. Come on! I've watched several episodes of that Mexican school sitcom. (You hear about the one that got in trouble a year or so ago for BLATANT racism? Yeah, that one. I was surprised it was still on. I swear its been on as long as I even knew about Univision and Telemundo.) At least give us a game show or something.
Digital channels are weird. I mean, you go your whole life with whole numbers (and maybe A vs B sides) but now I have to learn about hyphenated number channels? Yeesh.
Anyway, there was nothing but news to watch on the big five networks* so I ended up watching Zee TV, which is some network with Indian** programming. The first soap opera was in love with the 360 camera trick (which must be awkward for the actors to just stand there waiting for the camera man to finish.) It was called Dictator Didi or General Didi or Ambassador Didi or something. I don't know, I didn't watch much but despite its title it just seemed to be about regular soap stuff. "Will so-and-so blah blah blah? Tune in!" Then it immediately went to a second soap about a worried woman facing off against the devil. The devil looked like an ordinary man, so I was a little loss. If I only watch the first few minutes I'd be making a joke about how Indian people have special powers apparently. The devils fireballs are negated by red powder, and then the Hindu top god (I'm guessing) takes the body of a smug woman and talks him into repenting his sins, while the worried woman resurrects her husband from death. Lots of crying and family politics at the end.
Is it odd that I can't watch American soaps but can watch foreign ones?
After that there were some Indian music videos. I obviously don't watch a lot of Indian media but what little I see of it (especially anything marked as Bollywood) makes me wonder if India is going through what the U.S. did during the Golden Age. And remember that took place during a freaken depression and a war. Everybody's happy and there's no sense of irony that I have yet to see.
A few commercials reminded me of my experiences with Indian food. I mean, even when I went to a vegetarian restaurant the food was still ridiculously spicy. I can't even eat a spicy chicken sandwich without suffering a little. I think one of the things they were advertising was called Hot Spicy, but I can't look it up because I don't trust Google.***
There was also an ad for Indian Mail Order Brides. Hmmm, could I go vegetarian?****
I like India. I hope they win the inevitable nuclear war with Pakistan.
* - I have no idea why I consider The CW a big network, other than I guess I used to root for UPN and The WB in their first years.
** - I mean India the country, not Indians the natives in America.
*** - Oh, and another thing about Indian food that has nothing to do with watching Zee TV. India, you guys need to get more sugar in your diets. You call THOSE sweets? We in America will show you sweets! And...a few more pounds on your bodies...
**** - Nah.
More: General Didi is the first show's name, but it was originally called Hitler Didi. Buh? There doesn't even seem to be a character named Didi.
Also weird? No sitcoms. Come on! I've watched several episodes of that Mexican school sitcom. (You hear about the one that got in trouble a year or so ago for BLATANT racism? Yeah, that one. I was surprised it was still on. I swear its been on as long as I even knew about Univision and Telemundo.) At least give us a game show or something.
Oh My Goodness
Someone got us a PS3 for Christmas. So I've been catching up on the last two Mortal Kombats lately.
But looky what I saw announced for PlayStation Network (and Xbox Live Arcade):
Oh heck's yeah. The best Simpsons game, with the possible exception of Hit & Run. It includes a survivor mode (see how far you can get on one life) and the unlockable Japanese mode.
Available Feb 3rd (Xbox 360) and Feb 7th (PS3).
But looky what I saw announced for PlayStation Network (and Xbox Live Arcade):
Oh heck's yeah. The best Simpsons game, with the possible exception of Hit & Run. It includes a survivor mode (see how far you can get on one life) and the unlockable Japanese mode.
Available Feb 3rd (Xbox 360) and Feb 7th (PS3).
Congrats, Komen Foundation
You win this week's coveted Annoy Everybody: Satisfy Nobody Award!
Now go back to doing whatever it is you pretend to do so Planned Parenthood can hide behind you.
Now go back to doing whatever it is you pretend to do so Planned Parenthood can hide behind you.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Laugh-O-Meter: The Simpsons S23E10
Welcome to a new feature of Tork Blog! Here, I watch an episode of a sitcom and record my honest reactions to it. Today's subject is "Politically Inept with Homer Simpson", which I whined about in an earlier post.
Laugh Total:
2 laughs.
1 smile.
1 almost laugh. You know when your face muscles start to move but don't quite reach a smile? Yeah, that.
The almost laugh came during Homer's dumb Bill O'Rielly show parody when he accidentally screams "Death to America." The two laughs came during the segment with James Madison trying to teach Homer about...something. Yeah, it was suppose to be about democracy, but honestly the whole episode was so toothless and vague. I forget what the smile was about, but it came during the last two acts.
Other than "Death to America", the first two acts were dreadful. The Fox News Ticker thing was especially lame. And Ted Nugent was chosen because...I don't know. Like I said, the episode was toothless.
(By the way, I would love to hear Lisa give an essay about why repealing the Seventeenth Amendment is a bad thing. Come on, let's hear Lisa's smartness for once instead of constantly hearing about it.)
Laugh Total:
2 laughs.
1 smile.
1 almost laugh. You know when your face muscles start to move but don't quite reach a smile? Yeah, that.
The almost laugh came during Homer's dumb Bill O'Rielly show parody when he accidentally screams "Death to America." The two laughs came during the segment with James Madison trying to teach Homer about...something. Yeah, it was suppose to be about democracy, but honestly the whole episode was so toothless and vague. I forget what the smile was about, but it came during the last two acts.
Other than "Death to America", the first two acts were dreadful. The Fox News Ticker thing was especially lame. And Ted Nugent was chosen because...I don't know. Like I said, the episode was toothless.
(By the way, I would love to hear Lisa give an essay about why repealing the Seventeenth Amendment is a bad thing. Come on, let's hear Lisa's smartness for once instead of constantly hearing about it.)
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