Tork's Blog State of the Union

Ok, so it's the end of the month and now I have to once again explain why the blog hasn't been updated often and how I plan to change that this year.

Well, I actually have a plan for December. Hopefully December will be the first month with daily updates since July. I plan to have a Christmas theme for every day up till the 25th. Hopefully I can pull this off and not get lazy.

I was thinking about mentioning a gift I've received for Christmas every day. Hopefully I can remember stuff besides video games, although I may have to lean heavily towards the Christmases of 88 and 89 because I have home videos of those. I may even rip off X-Entertainment and have an advent calendar! Or not. Let's see if I can make a calendar in .Net first.

We'll see if I can get this to work. Hopefully I'll have the first entry up tomorrow night.

Also, I would like to bring back some old features. I want to write a couple Christmas themed essays, so let's hope I don't get lazy this month.

MST3k: Solitaire

This episode was a lot like the last one, in which you can guess what's going to happen just by the title.

Unlike the last cartoon, it was at least long enough to have stuff sorta happen.

Anyway, Crow is playing Klondike, and Servo bugs them. Just like in real life!

The biggest problem with this cartoon is that it's about 15 years too late. Too bad, because I wanted to like this cartoon for some reason. At least up to the punchline where Servo's bubble explodes. They could have come up with a better punchline.


(No grade until there's a grading curve.)


The store has a few updates, mostly the Tom Servo and Gypsy tshirts. I might have to pick up the Servo shirt. I've used his "I'm the wind, baby!" line before.

Also at the store is 100% more distraction as the bots are now watching you as you order.

Until next time, let's hope the next cartoon doesn't have to be redeemed by cuts.com, not that I can get anything to load at that site.

MST3k: Thanksgiving Clown

Episode 3 of the animated MST3k cartoon was going to be big! That was according to the Satellite News, when someone connected to the cartoon said that they were aware of the criticism and the Thanksgiving toon was going to turn things around. We were also promised a clip of Thanksgiving stuff from the show.

So what did we get? On the Monday that the cartoon was released the site had a slight redesign. The intro had the SOL being hit by a few meteoroids pelting the ship before we see the cartoon. Instead of the usual default bridge, we see episode three already in progress on the bridge. Crow is dressed like a pilgrim, and Servo is dressed like the title. Crow is checking an encyclopedia.

Do I have to explain anymore? If you don't where they're going with this after reading the title and seeing the picture, you may enjoy the cartoon.

(I've decided not to give grades to these cartoons until there's a curve to grade on.)

Anyway, after that Monday was over, the site reverted to it's original design. I guess they decided against it. I wish I took a few screenshots.


As for the new video, it was ok. They did a good job of mixing Thanksgiving clips from the good bumpers (mostly the first and last ones) and I was glad they included Mr. B Natural vs Jack Perkins. Still, it could have been longer, and why not throw in a clip or two from the lesser efforts? (Ok, so Best Brains probably doesn't own the rights to the cosplay fan version.)

What I would love to see from the store some day is a video that includes the rest of the Thanksgiving bumpers not included on the Scrapbook tape. They could also throw in as many promos as they have. I would buy that dvd immediately. Probably not going to happen unless the cartoon really fails and this is done as an apology.




Until next time, which is a couple seconds after I post this...

This Week In Entertainment (11/26/07)

I'll finish this later in the day but you can take a look at my Pick of the Week now.

Ok, my Pick of the Week is the first new Futurama material since 2003. It says a lot, though, that my first thoughts are 'I hope this doesn't suck like the last four seasons of The Simpsons.'


Also out on dvd is the second Bean movie. It's probably not that good but I'll probably still see it once.

I have no idea what The Common Denominators is about, but I love the name.

This DVD set has the latest world series. I have to admit: I'm sick of these Massachusetts teams winning, but I kinda like the Red Sox. Their comeback win against the Yankees in 04 was genuinely exciting.

I don't have a myspace account. Does that make me over the hill?


Last but not least is the Amazon Kindle. This is a device not unlike a similar device that Sony sells that will allow you to read books on a handheld device. I wouldn't mind having one of these, but I don't think the technology is practical or cheap yet. It's too bad, because this one allows you to download the latest stuff from rss feeds (although I've read that you had to pay a fee for each feed, which would be ridiculous.) Let me know when these things are far less than 400 dollars and can hold pdf files.

Tork's Week 12 Picks

The rest of my picks are as following:


Tenn over Cin
Cle over Hou
KC over Oak
Sea over StL
NYG over Minn
TB over Was
NO over Car
Jac over Buf
-
Ari over SF
Den over Chi
SD over Bal
-
NE over Phi
-
Pit over Mia





Notes:

As much as I hate New England this year, I can't wait for the Pats to kill Philly. Stupid fans are as bad as their reputation.



Last week: 8-8 (ouch)
Thanksgiving: 3-0
Season: 108-55

Tork's Thanksgiving Picks

I'll take GB over Det
Dal over the Jets and
Ind over Atl.



Happy Thanksgiving!

This Week In Entertainment (11/18/07)

My Pick of the Week is the Link's Crossbow Training. It comes with the Wii Zapper, and that's the one and only reason to get it. It's 20 bucks, too.

Also out for the Wii is Trauma Center: New Blood. I haven't played the first one on the Wii so it'll be interesting to see how it works without a stylus.

On DVD is a movie I probably wouldn't watch but I do think has an awesome title. It's Live Free or Die Hard.

In time for the Christmas holiday: The Santa Claus 3. How are those careers going, Tim Allen and especially Martin Short?

Hairspray is out. How's the career going, Travolta?

Look, it's a 3d Garfield movie. How's the career going, Garfield?

Just in time to hurt Die Hard sales, it's Hudson Hawk: "Special" Edition. At least I think special has quotes around it.


On the DS is the latest milking of a once good franchise. It's Mario Party DS, and guess what?! No online play, which should have been included with Mario Party 8 but Nintendo hates us.

Tork's Picks Week 11

I'll take:

TB over Atl
Cin over Ari
Det over NYG
GB over Car
Ind over KC
Minn over Oak
Phi over Mia
SD over Jac
Bal over Cle
NO over Hou
Pit over NYJ
Dal over Was
SF over StL
Sea over Chi
NE over Buf
Tenn over Den




Last week: 9-5
Total: 97-47

King's Dominion 2007: Part 14

Last time on King's Dominion 2007: It was starting to get dark.





We start with a picture taken before God created light.





Back in the present, our next picture is inside the Paramount Theater. I had given up on going on anymore rides so I decided to catch the last show. I was in the Water Works section last so I had to walk quite a distance. Luckily I got there with a few minutes to spare.

We were warned against using flash, so I had to turn it off.





This might have been a picture of the floor I took to make sure my flash feature wasn't on. I didn't want to get kicked out.





This is probably the best picture I took, so soak it in. The sixties were about hair and records, apparently.





This was the instruments played by the band during the show. They were in the background and didn't interact with the performers.





The theater itself wasn't too bad. It wasn't crowded and I had a nice seat to myself in the back. In the middle you can see the person who was in charge of the equipment and responsible for the cues.





Ladies and Gentlemen: Twistin' to the Sixties!





I only took a couple pictures of the live stuff before I realized I wasn't going to get anything.

So what was TttS about? I think it was something like this: Once in the sixties, there were four gals and four guys. The black guy was also the narrator. The other guys didn't really stand out except the poindexter nerd. The girls had different colored hair and one was somewhat nerdy.

So, people of the sixties used to sing and dance to early sixties songs you've heard on the oldies stations all the time. I think the plot had something to do with going to a big dance and winning a dance competition, but I couldn't quite follow it.





After several songs, the girls had a slumber party. Because that's what girls do. They sang a few songs that were less upbeat (is Leader of the Pack really a romantic song?) Then the guys came back and sang a few songs. Then they went to the beach for some reason I can't remember, but they had to since it was the sixties and beach movies got popular for a while so they had to burn off a few songs some way.





Later on the girls went to get their hair done, because the sixties was about big hair don't you know? The narrator guy got to dress up as a woman because seeing a black guy playing a black woman with a fake butt is hilarious. I have no empirical proof of that last statement. One of the girls hair was devoured by a big machine.

Anyway, the big dance happens. Nerdy girl is no longer nerdy. She was probably really near-sighted, though. The girl who's hair got eaten won, or didn't won, or something, and a fight breaks out. The end.

My favorite character was the red-head. I think. Remember, this took place more then two months ago and I can't even remember emails I read over a couple minutes ago. This play was fun even if it was as vacuous and nonsensical as the decade it was set in.





The show lasted about an hour. I'm guessing it was about 7:45 at this poin.

I just like taking pictures of the tower, ok?





I had already given up on going on anymore rides at this poin. At night the lines get ridiculous.





So I took some more pictures of this pool. Why not?





This is a ride I took a picture of because it's next to the entrance. It was there the last time I went so I always remember it as one of the first rides you see while entering.





It's still not quite nighttime, so a couple more pictures will do. I was probably checking the souvenir stores at this poin.





Don't ask me to take pictures at your wedding. Just don't.





Nighttime finally happened. As it grew darker, I decided to go get my stuff from my locker and head to the car. Of course, there was a couple flaws with my thinking. One, it was my sister's car I had to go to, and I didn't know her license plate. Two, I forgot that I didn't have the keys to her car. But other than that! Luckily, I had her phone number, and we planned to meet at the entrance.





I think I had already gone to the souvenir store, so let me see if I can remember what I got. I got a King's Dominion tshirt for myself because that's what I wanted most. I got a deck of King's Dominion cards and a poker chip for my parents. I got a KD pin, because I have a pin collection. I also got several more pins to send to my friends, but I haven't sent those yet. I also bought a KD thimble for one of my friends, even if she's more into crochet. I don't know, I guess I just thought a thimble was a good idea. I probably would have bought more stuff (like a Klingon phaser for my dad) but I didn't want to go broke on a one day trip.





The one thing I wanted more than a tshirt but they didn't have? A King's Dominion DVD, even if it was just a promotional one. I would have bought that in a heartbeat.





I went to about three souvenir shops. I didn't go to the ones in the middle of the park because it just felt too late in the day.





One more mini-movie for the road.






At night they started to sell cheap lightsabre, and I found my sister and her boyfriend playing with those when I got to the entrance with my stuff. S. I. G. H.







Is it a water fountain, or is it HELL FIRE!?





Here's the crowd leaving. We had to wait for some members of our group who went to the bathroom. While outside the bathroom, I tried to make a timely foottapping joke to my sister, but she didn't get it, EVEN THOUGH it was a topic that was brought up on the trip over. Bah.





While waiting I sat down on the bench surrounding this area. Some King's Dominion worker told me to get up because a skunk was somewhere in the bushes behind me. Yikes.






FINAL PICTURE!

So the day ended. We got in the car around 8 and went home. I think everybody was just tired at that poin. I was. I probably could have stayed later if by myself, but there wouldn't have been much to do except go on roller coasters.

It was a nice visit, and I hope it isn't the last.






Ok, since I broke this thing up into fourteen parts over a period of two months, I'm going to have to reread it to make sure it's coherent and that I didn't forget anything. I'll let you know if I updated anything. I'm also missing a couple movies in part 12 or 13.

King's Dominion: Part 13

Last time on King's Dominion 2007: I was looking at funny gag tombstones.





Since I was in the area, I decided to take more pictures of the White Water Canyon. It was too late in the day to go on the ride a second time plus I was probably still wet from the first time.






The zoom feature for this camera doesn't work well.





Not at all.





Even if I can steady my hands long enough.





There's a bridge for visitors on top of where they load people into the tires. This is the best angle to get pictures of the ride because you can't really see it from anywhere else. Or you could, but I had no idea where to find them. There's probably a bench where you can watch people go by, but I can't remember. I was too busy trying not to get too wet.





Number 12. I've always liked that number.





What the?! Where the heck am I?





Oh, this helps!





Oh, you know what? If you squint real hard, you can sorta almost make out people going by on the aforementioned tires. Or maybe not. Maybe those are bushes who look like blurry people. This is a picture trying to catch White Water Canyon riders in the distance. You can see the rocks behind the fence in the background. I really wish I could have gotten a picture of people going by but oh well.





It was starting to get late in the day. I'm sure it was already past five p.m. There was one last ride that I felt I must get on, but I was having problems finding it. It was sort of a water ride, but it was like the Shenadoah Log Flume where you wear pants and a shirt and only get moderately wet. I don't know what it's called, but you got on a raft and ride down a blue tunnel that twists several times before you come out. I'm sure I mentioned it in my nostalgia post about the park.

Anyway, I decided to head on over to the Water Works area. Several times during the day I was in the area, but didn't go far because I was wearing jeans and a tshirt and felt like I didn't belong in an area where people were wearing bathing suits. But I finally figured that as long as they don't tell me to buzz off I was fine.

Here is one of the reasons why I wish I wasn't so self-conscious. I did bring a pair of bathing trunks and a white tshirt and I wish I could have gotten under this water fountain.





Ok, now I had just walked under a roller coaster and I am now in the heart of the Water Works area. That blue ride in the background looks similar to the ride I was looking for, but it was alone and it didn't give you a raft. Instead you just go by yourself.





Maybe the ride I was looking for is gone, because this looks like it, but is not as big and all the rides I saw ended with people splashing into pools. That's a shame, really. I miss the old raft ride through the blue tubes.





Now these pictures are coming off as a big advertisement for the Water Works section, but frankly I don't care. This thing was awesome! It was like a jungle gym of wetness! I must give over my shyness one day just to go on the Surf City Splash House.





I don't know what I was doing here. I think I'm next to one of those artificial beach/pool places, and decided to snap a picture while holding it at my side. Is that my leg? Let's move on.





Again, total awesomeness. Curse everything about me that prevented me from being under all that.





A little to the right from the last picture we can sorta make another wet area in the background. Too bad I got these people in the foreground. Get outta my way!





Here's the pool area I mentioned earlier. This is either the Big Wave Bay or Tidal Wave Bay. Artificial waves are created from time to time. I didn't get too close to the pool because I felt out of place so I just took this picture. You can't really tell that there's a pool here.





It was getting late in the day so I headed back towards the Paramount Theater. I thought I could catch one of the shows.

This picture is of the place where I ate earlier. I have a horrible memory so I wanted to remember what the place was, but this picture is terrible.




Not that this picture is any better, but you can now make out the words "Wayside Grill." Good burger. Long wait.



Next time:


Will I go to a show?
Will I go on another ride?
How much longer can I stretch this thing?

MST3k.com: Feels Like

Ok, I held back during my last review. I really wanted this cartoon to work. It would be great if Rifftrax, Cinematic Titanic, and the new MST3k cartoons could have all been produced simultaneously and MST3k fans could have gone through a new golden age. Well, too bad. Even though CT hasn't released it's first dvd, it's clear that the MST3k cartoons aren't working. They could get better, but these first two efforts aren't cutting it.



Today's episode is like last week where the cartoon resembles a host segment from the days of old. I can't quite put my finger on which specific host segment it resembles, but it feels like it resembles one. Maybe that explains the title. The cartoon has Servo and Gypsy talking about the weather, and how negative 275 feels like -280. This leads to Servo to go on and on about stuff that feels like other stuff. The problem is, it's not funny. I feel like I should be laughing, but I'm not.

I think the major problem with these cartoons so far is execution. One of the host segments that this reminds me of now that I think about it, is the opening host segment where Mike talks to Pearl during Time Chasers. They're both actually out in the middle of space, and Pearl makes a comment about how it's going to go down to absolute zero, so she's wearing a sweater. That was a funny comment. I think the reason why it worked there and not here was because in the MST3k episode, it was just a throw-away gag and here it's the center of the skit. Unfortunately, we can see the joke coming a mile away, so it's not funny.

Please guys, work this thing out! Write better!

Grade: F



Let's take a look at the rest of the site while we're here.

Videos haven't been updated, but the store has.

The store now has a section for Legacy Odds and Ends. This includes old merchandise from the mst3kinfo days including bumper stickers. It has the Clown in the Skies 2 cd, but not the much better first one. It has Play MSTie for Me DVD, which is basically the mp4 to the Clown in the Sky mp3. Lastly is Poopie 1 + Tom Servo's All Time Favorite Host Segments, which are both amusing but Poopie 1 can be found on one of the DVD sets and the Host Segments can be found in their own respective episodes.

The other major addition is static decals starring the new look of MST3k. I wish I could see the numbers for how well these things are selling.


Other than that, the only other changes include the resizing of the site (Thanks!) and they added the theme music to the silent intro*. There's also space noise in the background now, and it's thankfully hard to hear. It must still bug people though.


Until next week, bite me.



* - See? They can improve stuff! Maybe they can improve the writing.