A Look at the Summer Movies 2008

Once again I'm going to look at the upcoming summer blockbuster movies. I'm including May since I can. I guarantee that this post will be better than your butt.



The One Movie I Would See If I Could Only Choose One:

The Dark Knight - I loved Batman Begins. It blew away the previous Batman movies unless you count the Adam West one. I know it's become a cliche where superhero movies have long, bloated origins stories, but Batman really needed one. I also liked Michael Caine as Alfred. There's something in the trailer where he urges Bruce to fight that I liked. I just wish the actor who played the Joker hadn't died because now I feel bad about anticipating this movie which will do well thanks to his overdosing.




Movies I Want To See A LOT:

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - This is clearly a movie that people will see for the sake of seeing, and not because of the movie itself. Still, even though I'm going to lower my expectations I still want to see it, despite the fact that I can never remember its title. The trailer seems a bit too jokey, even if the whole series is suppose to be tongue-in-cheek. I'm going to miss Sean Connery.

This movie takes place during the fifties, so hopefully old Indiana Jones kicks Commie butt in this one. Come on, say it! "Commies, I hate these guys."



Hellboy II: The Golden Army - I never heard of Hellboy before I saw the first movie but it was pretty good. It helps that I find Selma Blair really attractive, and she's returned for this one. Hopefully this movie will be as fun as the first one. Ron Perlman was great just smoking a cigar.



Movies that I Might See If Someone Offered:

Iron Man - Once again, it's a superhero movie where I don't know much about the superhero. I'm almost indifferent to it but I'll give it a shot. It should be fun just to see Iron Man fly around, I guess.


Get Smart - I'm aware that this movie will probably suck badly. I'll probably end up seeing it anyway. I actually liked the FOX reunion show when it briefly aired. I have no taste.



The Incredible Hulk - Again, I'm almost indifferent to this movie, but hopefully they learned their lesson from the first movie and will cut out the crap that made it so boring. We'll see.





Movies I'm Indifferent to:

What Happens in Vegas - Back in 1994 I had a huge crush on Cameron Diaz after I saw The Mask. She hasn't appeared in a movie I wanted to see since. This movie stars her and Ashton Kutcher, which is a strike against it in my book. And isn't the "what happens in Vegas" joke already old?


The X-Files: I Want To Believe - I Want To Avoid. (I never saw the tv series.)



Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D - Never heard of it, BUT IT'S IN 3D! WOW!



Now Obligatory CGI Movies:

Kung Fu Panda - This movie has two strikes against it in my view. A) It stars Jack Black, who annoys me. B) It's a Dreamworks animated film, which means it'll remind us over and over again how it's WAAAAAAAY cooler than that dumb, unhip Disney! It may be watchable, but I'll pass.



WALL-E - Why am I getting a Short Circuit vibe when I see that robot? I don't even remember what that movie was about, nor do I remember if I saw the whole movie. Anyway, this is from Pixar so it's got to be at least good.




Sequels In Series I haven't Seen At All:

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian - I've been wanting to see the original movie but I haven't got around to it. I've seen other versions of The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe. I have read this book, so at least I know what it's about. Still, I should watch the original just to have an idea what this one will be like.



The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 - Whatever. (Actually, let me take the moment to poin out that the entire month of August looks terrible. Look at this page and tell me if there's anything worth watching or even commenting about. I can't find any.)



The Heck!?

Speed Racer - Why would you want to take anime and make it live action? It doesn't make sense. Anime is just to weird and badly drawn and badly paced and badly animated for anybody to look at it and go, "Hey, this would be great if it was live action!" And I'll probably see this anyway. I've never seen an episode of this show but my parents have.


You Don't Mess With Zohan - Adam Sandler is an Israeli commando who fakes his death so he can go to New York and cut hair. The question is, who funded this film? Hamas or Fatah?


Meet Dave - You know a movie is going to be bad when it's renamed to be as bland sounding as possible. I'm placing this movie here if only because it seems to soon for Eddie Murphy to star in another sci-fi-com. Or, sci-fi-"com". I would only see this because Bill Corbett has a writing credit.



No. Flipping. Way.


Sex In The City: The Movie - Never saw the show, never going to given the title and the fact that the main character is Sarah Parker. (HAW! I didn't include your middle name! Now you're like the rest of us!) It seems too soon for the movie but how would I know? I would like to hear Crow's take on the movie.


The Love Guru - I'm am so not a fan of Mike Myers. The poster alone is enough to rank the movie all the way down here.





See ya next year!

This Week In Entertainment (4/28/08)

When you own a Nintendo console, your big games are easy to pick out. They're all first party games. Today's Pick of the Week is the latest Mario Kart game. While the only Mario Kart game I've enjoyed is the original, this one looks good if only for online Battle Mode. I love Battle Mode, and I want to see how well the wheel works.



Wow. Unless this is from another group of radical Mormons, this was quick. (I apologize if Radical Mormon is the wrong phrase, but I think they consider themselves a fundamental version of the church of Latter Day Saints. I don't know a thing about non-Catholic churches.)

Out in theaters this week is Iron Man, singling the start of the summer blockbusters. I'll do a post about that later this week.



On DVD, we have another volume of the Young Indiana Jones Chronicles. I don't think it lasted long enough to fit on three volumes, but that's probably because I got bored of it quickly.

Mechagodzilla, now with original dub. SO SHUT THE HELL UP, JAPANESE NERDS! (Not nerds who are Japanese. Nerds who think they're better because they love Japanese (junk) culture. I seriously don't care if the original dub is better.)

EAT DIRT, EVERYONE IN THE VICINITY!

AH HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!


In case you think I've gone insane, I'm actually referencing one of my favorite cartoon series that hasn't been released to DVD yet. Earthworm Jim was a WB cartoon that was based on a couple games that got popular towards the end of the SNES/Genesis era. I wasn't too into the games but I loved the cartoon.

After two popular 16-bit games, Jim had a Nintendo 64 game. It was considered terrible, and that ended his brief career outside a Color GameBoy game or two. I thought he was going to have a PSP game but I'm not sure. Anyway, recently there's been an announcement that not only is Earthworm Jim going to make a comeback, but it's going to be big. Besides whatever system he's showing up on, and some Virtual Console game, he's going to have a new cartoon series and a movie(!).

I'm excited about the new cartoon. Not because I think it's going to be good. It probably won't, unless they bring back the old cast and just make it a continuation. What I'm excited about is the fact that they've got to release the complete series on DVD sometime soon. It wouldn't make sense otherwise. Here's hoping that it's sometime soon. That show was hilarious. Much better than The Tick or Freakazoid! Yeah, I went there.



As for the games, I might download Earthworm Jim 2. I had the Game Gear version of the first game. Here's hoping that Earthworm Jim 4 comes to a Nintendo system, because when I saw the PSP screens it was the first time I wanted a PSP.

I have reached a milestone!

Tonight, while I was watching espn's scoreboard to see the Caps lose, I was playing Final Fantasy 3 for the DS. It's the only game in the first 10 games of the series that I hadn't played before. And now, it's the last game I've beaten.

Yep, I've beaten Final Fantasy One through Ten. I own a copy of each except for Four, which belonged to my sister. I can now rank the series.


VI
IX
X
V
VII
III
IV
I
VIII
II


From this list I think we can all make one conclusion: I need a girlfriend.


I have Final Fantasy XII: Special Edition waiting for like a year now. Sigh.

Dear the color Green,

You use to be my favorite color. Oh, sure, you didn't have the best reputation in the world. "Green with envy" is a common phrase. Green is also associated with greed thanks to the dollar. Despite that, I still liked the color.

Unfortunately, Green, I'm afraid we're going to have to go through a separation. No, it's not about you. It's me. You see, lately you seem to hang around with a crowd that's a little too ... well, I don't want to be vulgar. Let's just say that this crowd rhymes with "cat witty inane." I know that maybe I should just work out my differences with this crowd, but I can't. When I listen to this crowd, all I can see is red, in more ways then one.

This crowd worries me. It's a very large crowd, and it doesn't seem very rational to me. Maybe I'm wrong and I'm the fool, but I wish this crowd would calm down, take a deep breath, and have a real discussion. Besides, if these people get their way, I won't be able to see you as often as I used to. Sure, I can see green anywhere, but I have to travel to see lots of it, and this crowd doesn't like individual travel. Unless you're a big member of that crowd, of course.

I don't understand you, green. You used to be universal, but now you're just expected to be the symbol of movements and quasi-religious emblems. I can no longer look at you the way I used to. Today I've gone to major websites and I've seen you, and I can only feel disgust.

And by the way, I've seen companies mention a "Green Awareness" campaign. WHY? No one knew about you before? Do you have self-esteem issues? I used to like you as much as anybody, but I never felt the need to worship you. You're a color. You're nothing but wavelengths bouncing off stuff. There are plenty of other nice colors out there. I'm partial to orange, as offbeat as it is. There's really no need to make you the color among colors.

So that's it for now green. Sure, we'll still see each other, but I'll just rudely ignore you as I pass by. Again, I may be the fool, but I think breaking up is the best option for us.

Hope for the best,

Tork_110

This Week In Entertainment (4/21/08)

Slow week, so My Pick of the Week is this DVD full of commercials with cartoon characters. Hopefully it has Fred and Barney smoking.


In theaters this week is a movie about a big gator. That's the good part. Unfortunately, it's from the director of Wolf Creek. You had my interest, then you lost it.


I don't know if this has been out on DVD yet, but here's Gumby and his 1995 movie. I hope it has robots in it.

Cloverfield was recommended by Waiterbot.

River King was a series released around the same time the first few Harvest Moon games were. (It's made by the same company.) I was tempted to pick up the Game Boy version but I heard it was really boring. It's a fishing RPG, so I can see that being the case.

The world ends with me? Or does it end with anime!!!

When good series go bad...

....then go good again, then go mediocre, possibly ready to go bad again.



The eighth Mortal Kombat game has been announced. It's a crossover. Street Fighter 2 had Capcom vs Marvel, so now we have Mortal Kombat vs DC Comics. I may have to get an Xbox 360 or a PS3 after all.

The weird part is that Ed Boon is supposedly acting like this game will follow Armageddon. I can't see this game being a part of MK canon. It's just too ...weird. "The MK warriors almost caused the end of all realms. Now it's time to fight the DC Comic superheroes!"

I guess the big question is whether or not it maintains the blood of a MK game. If it does, the DC superheroes seem out of place. (Although I would love to see a fatality involving Superman. I bet there's plenty of green kryptonite lying around.) If it doesn't, then the Mortal Kombat characters seem out of place, and fans may be even less compelled to pick it up.

I'll say one thing. It's certainly gotten my attention. Maybe that was the goal.

To boost my traffic a little more...

This is the mistress of Vladimir Putin. She's a gymnast.

I think we can all reach one conclusion from the article.

I'm going to run for the presidency of Russia.


I'd hold her hand.*




* I find the phrase "I'd hit it" to be horrible rude.

Don't say they didn't warn you!

Ok, the last time I made a post where I said something like "They're back!" and it was MST3k-related, I got horribly burned. I guess I haven't learned my lesson, because I'm excited about the upcoming sequel to Hobgoblins. Unfortunately, my MST3k friends don't share my enthusiasm. Spoil-sports.

The original Hobgoblins was an 80s movie that was like a cross between Gremlins and Saved By The Bell. It was an intentionally stupid furry critter rip-off that was also sleazy. When MST3k got the movie from director Rick Sloane, they were appalled by it and ripped it like they never ripped on any movie before. Rick Sloane said he enjoyed the episode until the closing credits when the bots pulled out a cardboard cutout and pretended that the director was giving an interview. Of course, thanks to MST3k the movie is now (in)famous enough to get a sequel greenlighted. So that's what takes us to the sequel.

The trailer can be found here at youtube. From what I've read, the movie takes place twenty years in the future, but it doesn't look like much has changed. The cast (completely different from the old cast) is now going to college. So I guess they waited until their late 30s to go. I guess our hero's security career finally paid off. Anyway, Mr. McCreedy was sent to a insane asylum after he blew up the last hobgoblins in the first movie...OR SO HE THOUGHT!

The wiki page suggests that it's more of a remake then a sequel, which makes sense. I'm sure the movie will keep the characters the same age (except McCreedy. They wanted the same actor for him but health problems prevented that from happening.) Only stuff like technology will change, because now Kyle is looking up Fantazia on porno webcams. At least, I think it's suppose to be XXX. The trailer is a bit confusing on that part. I wouldn't be surprised if all the characters were reset. They weren't much in the first place, and I can't see Rick doing anything with, for example, Amy, who was frigid at the beginning of the first movie and not frigid at the end. I mean, where do you go with her after that!? Obviously, you re-frigidize her.

So yeah, this movie will be more of the same of the first movie, only it'll probably have more stupid self-aware bad-attempts-at-camp humor. Maybe my friends were on to something? Naaah.

I don't remember any special effects in the first movie, but I can say that they look worse in this one. I would love to take a bunch of old monitors and start hitting them with golf clubs until one of them exploded into a cheap fireball. Is this special effect so important that they blew the budget on it? It would explain the lack of lighting in the entire trailer. According to the rules of the first movie, the Hobgoblins shouldn't even attack because it's so dark.

A quick look at the characters: The guy they got to play Kevin2 is not whiny enough. He's got to work on that. Nick2 doesn't strike me as mean and macho as the original, but I'm looking forward to him fighting the Hobgoblin with a chainsaw. I do wish Rick didn't give him the dumb line about "it's only a low budget movie." Come on, Rick. If I hate the characters, I should hate them on their own (de)merits. Not because you made it impossible to like them. I was never a fan of the Scream movies.

Daphne2 seems just about right. I hate to be mean to Kelley Palmer who had to be the slutty girlfriend stereotype, but new Daphne is just skinny and not-so-attractive enough to be just right as a look-a-like. Daphne2 kind of sounded like Daphne with her one line. I'd like to see her in action, not because of the slut stuff but because in the end, Daphne was a better hero than Kevin.

Amy2 and Kyle2 don't appear much in the trailer, but they don't need to. Kyle2 should comb his hair, but other than that I guess it doesn't matter as long as he wears the red shorts. Chanel Ryan is way too attractive for a sleazy character like Fantazia, but maybe they made her less attractive in the movie as a joke. I wouldn't be surprised if Rick Sloane did something like that.

There's a little girl in the movie who I thought was going to be more important because there's a picture of her holding a Hobgoblin somewhere online, but I think she's just a joke character. She plays a girl scout.

You know what this movie needs? A rich black girl. I'm just saying.


Who cares about characters? This is a Hobgoblins film! What we care about is action! Ok, we also care about how Rick is going to react to the fame of the original. Unfortunately, he's probably going to go crazy with in-jokes as the "low budget movie" joke shows. But on the plus side, he's going to give us garden tool ACTION! Don't forget the chainsaw vs lawnmower ACTION! Totally worth my 20 dollars or less. Also, Nick2's van gets rolled over. SHOCKING!

The thing that will catch the attentions of MSTies is the fact that the trailer stole the Hobgoblin song. Ha! Take that! I've seen fans get angry but I think it was the only injoke that was funny. Sure, it's probably a sign that the movie is too self-aware, but why wouldn't Rick Sloane steal something from the episode that made him famous? Do MSTies just expect him to bend over and ask for more? Jeez, lighten up. The fact that a nobody can make a sequel to a terrible movie because it appeared on your show speaks volumes of the popularity of MST3k.

I've grown incoherent. It's because this movie is going to be so awesome! Or so awful it's awesome! Or it'll eventually become a Rifftrax and/or a Cinematic Titanic! Or maybe I'm crazy.

I leave you with this picture to boost my traffic, at least until someone forces me to take it down.

This Week In Entertainment (4/14/08)

I don't know if this has been released to DVD already, but my Pick of the Week is Jesse James vs Frankenstein's Daughter. I'm sure it's a hilariously bad movie. I mean, a girl as a scientist!? As if!


Also out on DVD is Alien vs Predator: Requiem. Because the first one was so great!


I already discussed Lawrence of Arabia in another post. So get it!

I do this a little too often.

Our on the Wii is a trio of interesting games. The first is Okami, which from what I've heard is Zelda:Twilight Princess, only without the Link parts.

Next up is Summer Sports. Although I hate these mini-game collections that will kill the Wii, I can forgive this game for including croquet.

The third one is Emergency Mayhem. It's too bad that the early reviews are bad, because it seems to be an interesting game where you go around in a fire truck or other emergency services. It could be a good Crazy Taxi game if done right.

But, The Master approved!

Lately there's been a story in the news about a polygamist sect in Texas that was recently busted. I tend to dismiss stories like this as "Ok, so that's important, but not so important that it needs to be reported every day until it turns tabloidish." However, it wasn't until today that something clicked in my brain.

Texas? Polygamy? Underage girls?


This isn't a radical Mormon group!


This is the cult of Manos!

Someone likes Edison!

A Minnesotan Republican congresswoman has introduced a bill that seeks to repeal the ban on the incandescent light bulb.


You know why? Because she luuuuuuuuuuuvs Thomas Edison! He's so dreamy!



Fight the power!

Day One Download Purchase

I was getting a little worried about the Wii. Besides the three big franchise games being released this month, not much was on the horizon. Third party support is still lacking, and no one seems to be willing to attempt a 1-1 motion game. So the Wii Ware thing seemed to be a bad idea. I mean, you can't attract enough developers to your system, so you give them the option to make smaller games? (Let's not get into the issue of memory space on the Wii. Give us a fricken harddrive already.)

Still, while this doesn't erase the doubt I have, I'm going to download it the day it comes out. I'm a Homestar Runner fan, and I love their nostalgic games, even if most of them are very short plays. This one seems to be an episodic adventure game. The cartoon shows a first person perspective that allows you to walk around Strong Bad's house. Can't wait!

Even if the Wii Ware thing turns out to be a bad decision, it'll be worth it for this game.

This Week In Entertainment (4/7/08)

Today's Pick of the Day is a dvd set of a series of which I only saw a handful of episodes. I still enjoyed it, so my pick is Nanny 911, where bad parents hire a tv show to help them with their kids.

Also out on DVD is MAAAAAAATLOOOOOOOOCK! I never saw an episode but it was responsible for several old folks jokes during the best days of The Simpsons.

I stopped watching TMNT after a while, so it's hard to believe it had over five seasons. And I'm sure there's still a few more.

I took a statistics class in high school and college, but I immediately forgot everything after each. Maybe I could use this DVD. Then again, when would I have the time to watch it?

In case you worry about me...

This article mentions bloggers who worked themselves to death. A few poins for my readers.


A) I don't update everyday like I used to in the early days because of my health. Yeah, really..

B) If I somehow die while this blog still exist, it will not be because I'm overworked and stressed. It will be because I don't eat enough healthy foods and I don't exercise.

(folds his arms and has a small grin)

(nods once)

(nods twice)

C) Getting paid for a blog? That's for wussies!!!!!!! Unless you know someone who will pay me full time. Then I'll reluctantly show those wussies how it's done.

D) Please see C. I have a paypal account if that's ok. Also, I could show you my amazon wish list if you want to pay that way.



No more updates for tonight. Now I'm off to eat this entire bag of fritos.

This guy are nerd.

Final Fantasy VII. Ever hear of that game?

I was in my senior year of high school when that game was released. I loved Final Fantasy 3 for the SNES so when I heard about the hype for this game I eventually preordered it. I got a Cloud tshirt when I preordered at Babbage's and waited. I might have insisted on the game as a birthday gift. Anyway, I somehow convinced my dad to pick up the game on the night it was released, and I wore the tshirt when we picked it up. I spent the next two weeks to a month in video game bliss.

Cue several years later. My opinion of the game is a bit more nuanced. While the game seemed fresh then, I now see it a badly written game. I don't hate the game, but boy it could use a rewrite.

I bring this up because I was discussing this with Lita last night. Lita HATES Final Fantasy VII. "Ebert hate North" hate. I tried to convince her to play Final Fantasy 3/6, but I couldn't get her to do it for a long time. Anyway, I brought up something shameful that I actually did while playing the game.

Anyone who has played the game knows that there is a dating sequence towards the end of disc one. You can go on a date with Tifa, Aeris, Yuffie, or Barret. Tifa and Aeris are easy to get, and I already got those two, but I really wanted to see Yuffie on a date. I was a fan of her at the time. Now, you get to go on these dates based on the conversations you have. During conversations you choose certain lines and other characters react to you. Neither the horrible official strategy guide nor the excellent unofficial strategy guide helped you with the dating stuff, so what was I going to do? Yes, gamefaqs was around, but I didn't have constant access to the internet at the time. Plus, I didn't think a guide existed. So what did I do?



I took some of my old high school notebooks and wrote down every conversation in the game that had a choice. This page shows the beginning of the first such conversation, when Cloud first meets Aeris. Not only did I get every branch, but I also redid sections of the game with different supporting characters to see their reactions. Overall I used three different notebooks, but I could only find this one.



As, you can see, I marked the choices with letters. I used double letters when 26 wasn't enough. After I was finished getting every conversation I could find, I played through the game and in the back of the third notebook I kept track of every choice I made. (A, D, G...AH...CI...etc.) I must have tried three or more times and failed each time. These attempts probably averaged about 11-12 hours.

Finally, my sister solved the problem. She printed out a gamefaq guide that told you how the dating system worked and how to get Yuffie. So my notebook thing waste of time. I did add the poin values for some of the conversations to my notes. I also started to write down the whole date scene, but at that poin I think even I had my limits. I'm sure that part remains unfinished.

So there you go. Proof that I have contempt for my free time.

By the way, nerd poins for you if you get what my title refers to.

Playoffs?! You're talking about playoffs?!

Why yes I am.

Now THIS is the Capitals I grew up with. A slow start followed by a ridiculous hot streak that pushes them into the post season. Let's just hope that's it, because the Caps I grew up with were also chokers in playoffs. That's why the 98 season was so magical. Great to see Ovechkin get his first shot at postseason. I was at last Thursday game and that 65th goal was awesome.

Let's Go Caps!

April!

Last month saw very little activity at my blog.

So this month, expect to see more blogging here than you've ever seen before!

This Week In Entertainment (3/31/08)

My Pick of the Week is Wonder Boy for the Virtual Console. It's the game that Adventure Island was cloned from and was originally a Sega Master System game. I picked this game because I could not find anything at all yesterday. Just a terrible week all around.

Also out for the VC is Cruis'n USA, an N64 game. Wonder Boy is 500 Wii poins and Cruis'n USA is 1000.