Revenge of the Bad Guys

Who were never explained, even once.

Red Letter Media has it's long awaited reviews of the third Star Wars Prequel movie. I haven't watched it yet but I will tonight. The Plinkett reviews of the Trilogy have been the best at dissecting why the films failed.

The reviews aren't up on youtube, but can be found at his website. Warning, R rated stuff here.

Angry Dad: The Movie

Holy cow! A Simpsons episode worth watching? Sign me up!

Merry merry, Tork!

I still check in every now and then, and just wanted to say hi.

o<8oD>

I probably messed that up

Top Five Christmas Films

I'm not really feeling it this year, but that doesn't mean I don't love Christmas. And in honor of the holiday, I'm listing the top five Chirstmas related films ever made. There's so many, so it was hard to narrow it down.





#5

Triple Crossed

Larry wants to convince Joe's girlfriend to marry him instead, so he sets up a situation where Joe is modeling for Moe's wife, then calls the jealous Moe and Joe's girlfriend to come over to Moe's place immediately. Joe puts on a Santa Claus costume to elude Moe. Also, Moe decorates a Christmas tree, before yanking it over.

Note: A remake of He Cooked His Goose.



#4

Rumpus in the Harem

The boys' girls have to pay a virgin tax or else they will be sold into slavery, so the boys decide to go after the Rootin Tootin Diamond to pay it. They disguise themselves as Santa Claus.

Note: Shemp's part is played by the back of actor's Joe Palma's head and stock footage. The film is a remake of Malice in the Palace.


#3

He Cooked His Goose

Larry wants to convince Joe Shemp's girlfriend to marry him instead, so he sets up a situation where Joe Shemp is modeling for Moe's wife, then calls the jealous Moe and JoeShemp's girlfriend to come over to Moe's place immediately. Joe Shemp puts on a Santa Claus costume to elude Moe. Also, Moe decorates a Christmas tree, before yanking it over.

Quote: Shemp - "Helloooo everybody! I’m a little early, but I got a lotta runnin’ to do! Blitzen’s in the kitchen, and Prancer’s got the antses in his pantses!"


#2

Malice in the Palace

The boys serve to men who are after the Rootin Tootin Diamond. After they find out that the two men aren't as dangerous or noble as they seem, they kick them out and decide to get the diamond for themselves. They put on Santa Claus costumes to fool the guards.

Note: The 2004 NBA brawl has been nicknamed Malice at the Palace. This film is public domain.



And the greatest Christmas film ever!

#1

Wee Wee Monsieur

The Three Stooges accidently join the French Foreign Legion. They lose the man they're suppose to protect, so they disguise as Santa Claus to get him back.

Quote: Curly - "Oh, you hit Santa Claus? Just for that: no toys!"



Merry Christmas from Tork's Blog!

An egg!

Oh no, it's just Bruce Boudreau.

A follow up...

I just want to follow up my previous out-of-nowhere post with the reason why this bothers me.

Lately I've been introduced to a theory about politics. It has to do with piecharts.

Think about yourself for a moment. Think about all your personal opinions. Think about your religion, your politics, your career, your experiences, your grades, your friends, your everything.

Now look at this chart.



The white part? That's a part of the pie that's blown up a thousand, maybe tens of thousands of times. It represents you. The rest? Everybody else in the entire world.

Imagine if you have to convince a large group of people to trust you, or to vote with you, or to agree with your ideas. Let's say you tell them that you're all for the things they are for. Well, now you occupy a larger portion of that pie, because now you're saying you represent a lot more than your own selfish interests. Here's the problem: That's a very unspecific claim. People are eventually going to demand you clarify yourself a bit.

Let's say they ask you about your favorite ice cream flavor. Your first reply, "I like all ice cream flavors!" won them over, but now they're pressing for a favorite. Trapped, you finally confess vanilla. At this point, the pie is divided. What about people who hate vanilla? What about people who are hurt that you didn't pick their favorite? And God help you if you accidentally blurt out that you HATE strawberry. ("What kind of idiot would eat that? Oh, sorry those of you in the back.")

It's just how politics work. We like to complain that politicians pick non-positions while running against their opponent instead of running on their record/what they hope to achieve, but they're here to win, not be virtuous losers.

Think about propaganda. Our side is right for vague reasons! Their side is bad for very specific reasons. We love all good flavors! They're a bunch of strawberry haters.


So yeah, the Phelps, for example, are bad. But being against the Phelps isn't good in itself. Why do you specifically hate them? Why do you specifically hate any group? Just being against a group doesn't automatically make your ideas good/better. Being anti-something is lazy and leads to lazy arguments.

How about them crazy Phelps?

Yeah, that whatever cult sure is dumb and stupid huh? And pretty evil the way they troll people just to instigate lawsuits.

While I have to congratulate everyone who's stood up to these jerks, can I also say that I'm a little tired of the self-righteousness I see when people discuss this group? Yeah, they're bad and their ideas are dumb. We all get that.


It's just that recognizing that the Westboro Baptist Cult doesn't mean you're righteous. It just means you have a pulse.

Currently Reading Unseen Academicals.

I'm about 100-150 pages into it. Just wanted to say something about it so far.


Is it me, or is Glenda a little like Granny Weatherwax, only Pratchett is going in a different direction with her.

In the early witch novels, particularly Lords and Ladies, Granny knew everything. She wasn't the least bit "nice" about it, particularly to "wet hen" Magrat. Granny even conspired to get Magrat married to the King of Lancre. And in the end, she was able to get Magrat to do what she needed to do.

In Unseen Academicals, Glenda's friend Juliet isn't naive. She's just kind of an innocent child. Not really bright at all. Glenda is really protective of her, especially from her grabby friend Trev. Glenda keeps telling Juliet to keep her mind on their job, which is kitchen work. Glenda is utterly convinced that she's right up to a night where she gets a little tipsy and watches Juliet successfully model clothes. Suddenly she's wondering if she's just been holding Juliet back.

I guess I'll figure out where this is going as I read this book but I thought it made an interesting contrast.

I admit it.

I'm attracted to only the craziest of women.

Bad news

Now that we have that last post out of the way...


I'm afraid to report that Christmas is cancelled this year. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.


Maybe 2011 will make up for this terrible year.

One Thousand Posts!

Yes, this blog has hit the big 1-0-0-0. I originally planned a much nastier post, but thankfully the angel on my shoulders won out.

I have to thank all the people who have contributed to this blog, even if they've since walked out due to reasons. You all have really classed up this little corner in the Internet with your great writing.


I was going to post some of my favorite memories, but I'll let you, the readers, do that for me.

Heh, Live Show.

The difference between me and Mike Nelson?

None of my live shows ever failed miserably.

I won't be at the Rifftrax Live Show today.

I'm a victim of circumstance.


I may have something up tonight. I haven't really sat down and written it yet.

Testing...

Crow: This is how Crow talks.

Tom Servo: And this is how Servo talks.

Gypsy: And this is how Gypsy talks.



Oh, just working on the Friday thing.

Why doesn't the NFL get it over with...

and out the NFC West as the minor football league it is? I mean, Derek Anderson and Alex Smith are your starting QBs there, why are we lying about it? To make them feel better?


Well it isn't working.

This Weekend!

A brand new Tork's Blog idea! Be there, or something.

The Stoogeum

Today I went to a museum filled with Three Stooges memorabilia. It is located in Ambler, Pennsylvania and is open once a month for free. Details can be found at its website.

They don't allow you to take pictures inside the museum, which is the only reason why I'm not posting hundreds of photos here.

At the main entrance were some touch screen monitors. One was a simple trivia game, while the others provided timelines and rare photos of team. There is a small room where they sell merchandise and another area where they sell memberships to the fanclub, something that they boast is one of the oldest in the country. It's at least 35 years old, since it dates back to when Moe and Larry were still alive.

The first room beyond this area has several photos, some toys altered to look like the Stooges, and a couple Three Stooges games. The pinball game is basic but includes several Stooge sound effects, and the game, subtitled "Brides is Brides", is a weird take on Food Fight. (I had a vague recollection of it until recently when I downloaded it for MAME. It's honestly forgettable.) Both games are free to play. Next to some of the pictures of the team is a script for "Soup to Nuts" written by Rube Goldberg himself. I wanted to get my greasy hands on that one.

Behind that area is three manniquens dressed as the Stooges as they appeared in Idle Roomers. They point to a room with a wall covered with newspaper comics making references to the group.

The basement is probably the highlight of the museum. When you enter it you see several authentic posters advertising their shorts. It's an impressive collection in itself. To the right you'll see lots of official Three Stooges merchandise over the years. I actually had a couple of the items, including the Commodore 64 computer game, Stooge lottery tickets, and Stooge golf balls. There was one wall covered with official Three Stooges comics made while the group was still alive.

To the left (from the entrance) you had several trinkets that once belonged to the Stooges themselves. Stuff like a check written by Moe, drivers licenses belonging to Curly Joe, and a big suitcase that belonged to Joe Besser. In a back room they had several props saved by Curly Joe himself from their movies. I can honestly say that I saw the helicopter/tank/submarine hybrid from The Three Stooges in Orbit. Towards the exit was a slot machine that wasn't working that day.

In the basement there were several monitors playing classic Curly shorts. I got to see the later half of In the Sweet Pie and Pie that contains their best pie fight.

Upstairs there was a small gallery. It contained several pictures of the stooges drawn or painted by fans, as well as a few actual frames from their two cartoons, The New Three Stooges and The Robonic Stooges.

One room I almost missed was a theater. It had 85 seats that were almost all taken at the time. The short playing was the same one played in the basement. Behing the theater was a small gallery dedicated entirely to Shemp. It mostly focused on his career after he left the group and before he returned. I wish they would put his solo shorts on a DVD at some point.

Before we left I got a tshirt with Moe, Larry, and Curly dressed as professors (I work at a college so it seemed appropriate) and I got a book that someone wrote about Vernon Dent. Outside I had my picture taken in front of the sign above with a volunteer who was dressed as Moe dressed as Santa.

I would say that I can now die in peace, but that would be a lie. Coming back with a wife and a new generation of Stooge fans is my destiny.

I didn't meet Leonard Maltin today.

Actually, that was a huge long-shot anyway.

Update about Tork

I got new glasses this week. Isn't that something?

I bought nothing during Black Friday. Isn't that something?

I plan to be in Pennsylvania tomorrow. Isn't that something?

I might meet Leonard Maltin tomorrow. Isn't that something?

I learned which district I live in during the beginning of the month. Isn't that something?

My blog will hit the 1000 post mark soon. Isn't that something?

The girl who had a psychotic crush on me once now appears to be a mother (I did some facebook spying.) Isn't that something?

There are four people following this blog. One is a friend, but the rest of you are weirdos. Err, I mean isn't that something??

I don't even know what following a blogger blog accomplishes. Isn't that something?

Futurama Season 5 isn't out until the 21st of next month. Isn't that something?

The Ctrl+Alt+Del "gamer" webcomic is awful, but its miscarriage comic is the funniest thing ever. Isn't that something?

I decided to play Dark Cloud again for no good reason. Isn't that something?

I want either a iPod Touch 32GB or a new computer with Windows 7 for Christmas. Isn't that something?

I forgot where I was going with this post an hour ago. Isn't that something?

Rifftrax Live Show

Lookie here. Another live show so soon after the Halloween one.

Back in 2009 the guys at Rifftrax had a few online riffings on their ustream channel. They were testing out their servers by riffing some new shorts live. They finally decided to do a live show for Planet of the Dinosaurs (with the short thrown in for anybody who didn't pay for the movie) but it failed. The short kept crashing and apparently the fans melted the servers for the feature. Some tech nerd couldn't even properly apologize on Rifftrax's behalf. Thus they decided to try a live show in theaters.

While they did do a couple live shows this year, one day (can't remember when) they did an unannounced live show online. It was basically the Rifftrax crew playing table shuffleboard while Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett made humorous observations. It was kind of neat to come home and find out about this and we now know why they had such a show. There is going to be a live online show this December.

On December 3rd they will debute a new short online. It is a buck to watch it. Before the show, they will announce whatever Christmas film they will do on the 16th. No details about that one yet.

Maybe I'll see you at the Rifftrax chat room next Friday!

For flip's sake

For frick's sake! For farge's sake!


Are there any adults in this country?


If I was a dictator, the first thing I would do is kill all the pundits.

(I wouldn't do well as a president. I would say that free speech is awesome before adding "now shut up and stop making EVERYTHING about politics already!")

I hope nobody finds out

that I started the shooting between the Koreas.


(Sorry!)

This Week In Entertainment (November 2010)

Remember when Futurama was coming back on the air and I was excited? Well, it took me three episodes before I stopped watching the first Comedy Central season. Not because anything was bad, but because I just don't care about anything on TV anymore. TV is a distant fourth in my entertainment hobbies behind video games, the internet, and DVDs.

Anyway, here is the DVD set for that season. Maybe it's time for me to do some catching up.

Redskins' Football (2)

Redskins' football

It's like this.

Video games

It's like this

I had a sandwich.

Couple days ago. It was good, too. I need to learn the art of cutting a sandwich diagonally.

Sadly, we were out of provolone. American cheese just doesn't work on a regular sandwich anymore.

Voting and junk

Where I live there was a vote on putting slots in the Anne Arundel Mills Mall. (Or maybe next to it. I didn't really pay attention to the exact wording and you know how misleading partisan groups can be on that kind of thing.) I think it's going to pass, although personally I think they should have put them somewhere else.


No reason to bring this up, other than the fact that if Question A passes I'm going to get me a casino waitress for a wife! Yee haw! (Note: "Yee haw" is not part of Tork's vocabulary. Just seemed like the right thing to type here.)

The Harry Potter Series?

Feels good man.

This Thursday: Rifftrax Live 4

Revenge of Vincent Price.

I was busy lately but I finally decided to go to the latest live show. If I watch it I'll be four for four.

In other sports news,

The Nationals are not going to lose a hundred or more games this year.

Congratulations!

You suck Redskins.

Goddamnit you suck. Why do you suck so much?


Yes, I'm pouting.

The End

We here at Tork's Blog has been following this story for quite a while. The last incandescent GE light bulb factory is closing.

Commodore 64 returns!

And by that, I mean some company with the Commodore brand returns to release new computer-in-a-keyboards. These new ones will run on Windows 7 and Ubuntu.

I'd buy one in a heart beat if I could hook them up to our old 1541 floppy disk drive. Heck, I'd probably still buy one of these things if I could finally play Steam games on them. This computer I'm on now is nice but it's ancient. Seven years is a long time in the computer world.

(Hint hint! Upcoming Christmas? Eh, you guys are cheapskates.)

I'm tired of your rogue shenanigans, blog!

You're off the case!

Tork's Film of the Month!

Recently I bought this documentary about text adventure games. Basically some guy interviewed a bunch of nerds responsible for a long forgotten computer game genre. It was forty bucks and I figured what the hey. So far I'm still on the first DVD and the best part was about the rise and fall of Infocom, the most famous of "interactive fiction" game makers.

Lisa Simpson broke off her marriage today.

According to the episode Lisa's Wedding.

This show really is going to outlast us, isn't it? I'm thinking of having children just so someone with my DNA can see the final Simpson episode.

You know what I miss about childhood?

I was too dumb to hate the heat. I also miss not caring over whether I was sweating or not.

Brian Ashcraft is a creepy Wapanese pedophile.

There, that should get me a few extra clicks.



Video game blogs are mostly awful, is what I'm saying. Kotaku for example.

Music Video #108 (Day 17 of 2010)

Our next video features the White Stripes once again. This time Meg will be sitting around contributing little in Blue Orchid.





I think it's going to be hard describing what's going on in this one. It moves a bit fast.

The video takes place in a haunted house. Meg and Jack have classic goth looks. You know, before goth became mainstream and lame. Meg spends the entire video hammering away at whatever gets in her path with what may be actual hammers. Jack walks around with a white cane and I have to say the mustache is working for him. There's another woman in the video who is on six inch heals. A white horse rounds out the cast.

The song starts with an accusation. The singer says that his lover got a reaction. What kind of reaction? We'll find out. He says that she took a white orchid and made it blue. I guess that means she took his affection and left him feeling sad. Which is why he moved into a spooky house. Why do I take music videos so literally?

Redhead high heels leaves the bathroom. The video constantly adopts the freaky sped-up method seen in modern horror flicks, usually when there's a supernatural element. Singer is telling his gal that something is better than nothing, and it's giving up. Uh oh, he's sick of the rut and ready to move on. He even gets angry at her and asks her how dare she! Honeymoons over. He blames it on her maturity. Freaky chick is having problems standing and it's actually adding to how freaky she is. Good job, scary video.

Oh look, it's Meg. And she has a kid behind her. She also has dishes stacked up. Oh, you little devil. Jack sings more about how it's hard to please his girlfriend. While he twirls his cane he skillfully points out that not only is she bad, she's also can't see her own faults. Then Meg finally starts smashing stuff. Who is Jack singing too?

Finally freaky chick gets down the stairs. She eats an apple that has shown up several times in the video. She tries to look sexy doing so but it bleeds black onto her face. Jack decides to put an end to her by turning his cane into a snake that attacks her. What is he, Aaron, Moses's brother? It does has a biblical element to it as Jack sings, "Get behind me." I think I'll try that on a girl I break up, just to see her reaction. I'll bet I get one.

Apparently things aren't going well for freaky chick as she cries around the horse. As the song wraps up with the chorus, Meg eats a plate. See, she's doing stuff! The video suddenly ends with the horse about to stomp on the redhead. This video is not meant to be watched by hippophobics.








This is a good song, but it's the video that is the better of the two. Even though it moves so quickly I can't see a lot of it, I still like it.

The awesome part is how freaky it is. There's something about speeding up things not quite right that works.

Music Video #107 (Day 16 of 2010)

Now it's time for a little David Bowie. This song is Ashes to Ashes.






I have no idea what I watched, but I like it.

The video starts with an image of bad 80s video effect. It's Bowie wearing pale white makeup. He's a clown with a Harry Potter-ish "7" scar on his forehead. Hey, that's why he's the star and I'm just some guy with a blog read by about five people. The music begins as we look down at a planet made entirely out of orange and black chalk. There are a couple people on a beach but we'll get to them later. Bowie starts singing about his famous Space Oddity video.

He asks us to remember about Major Tom, the astronaut in the original song who launched successfully but then disappeared. Bowie is concerned about the rumors he heard about him. Clown Bowie holds up a postcard that suddenly shows a scene of another Bowie singing. I think. It's hard to tell it's him when he's not dressed weird. This is followed by what appears to be a blonde ballerina and three Observers dressed like Q from Star Trek: The Next Generation's pilot. They recount the part of Space Oddity where Ground Control was talking to Major Tom. Although Ground Control didn't talk about his love life and promised sordid details in the original. I guess they were updating it for the 80s.

The Bowie we saw in a postcard is now on screen. He holds a postcard of another Bowie. This Bowie has been locked away for being crazy. For you see, he looks and dressed normally! Poor guy. By the way, I just realized I got it wrong. Major Tom is the Action Guy in the song. Therefore the "sordid details" were his last words from Space Oddity. Man, I'm bad at interpreting songs. So to sum up, the previous scene with the clowns and ballerinas were about Major Tom telling us that he happy he is.

Major Tom gives us the details. It isn't pretty. He's bald, broke, and living a nothing life where all he has are his Japanese girly pics. Remember when I complained about the ending of that song? Now we're going from a song about youth where the sky is the limit to a song about mid-adult hood where everything has gone wrong. Bowie sings about how he's trying to kick AH HAH! If this song isn't about someone on drugs than I will donate a hundred dollars to Lita's favorite charity!

Chorus time. Clown Bowie, the ballerina, and the three men who I guess are priests walk in front of a tractor. They sing that Tom Major is a junkie. Oops, my wager looks useless now. Instead of being in space, Tom Major just thinks he's in heaven. Clown Bowie shows us his hand shaking to illustrate the theme.

Crazy normal Bowie is huddled in the corner singing about how he intends to break the habit, but he's too weak. We see him on set of a fifties style sitcom and he sings about an attempted suicide. Ralph Kramden, the reality. When he sings about flashing light the set explodes but his sitcom wife ignores it. She's a pro.

Clown Bowie rises above some water to sing that Major Tom never did anything bad or good. Nor did he do anything unexpected. Well, maybe that's your problem. He wants a figurative ax to break himself out of his problems. His problems are illustrated by a new David hooked up into a wall as if he was in The Matrix. Man, Bowie videos are so influential.

We get a repeat of everybody singing about what a junkie Major Tom is and the song wraps up by saying that his mom told him to not mess with the Action Man. Clown Bowie walks with an elderly woman, one of the priests is a woman, and Neo Bowie is still stuck.









I like this song despite the emptiness of it. Don't ask me what the video means, let's just say it's a Bowie video.

The awesome part is everything because it's a David Bowie video, but I'll pick the exploding kitchen.

Music Video #106 (Day 15 of 2010)

Today (if today is the fifteenth) video is a very selfish one. It's called All Mine, and it's by Portishead.






This video is entirely in black and white, so it's arty or something. We first see Bunny Breckinridge taking off his glasses. He is a conductor who introduces us to a band and a woman dressed as a little girl. Behind her is a large monitor that shows an image of lines forming into a P logo. This fades away as the screen shows a row of singers disappearing into infinity.

The screen shows a close up of her. I take it back, it's a young girl lip-syncing. She starts singing about white clouds and bright stars. I bet she's singing about what she drew, and the next line is about red house and trees shaped like green cotton over a brown stick. Don't forget unicorns and rainbows! No, she sings about a person who's smile makes her want to hold him. Ick. Since we have a little girl singing, I think I can guess accurately that things didn't go so well.

This is confirmed when she tells her boyfriend that he must be all hers. Look, I don't know much about your relationship but you're in trouble once you start demanding things. Second verse starts and she talks about how things used to be really happy. This didn't last, and she uses metaphors to talk about how bad things declined. Now she's telling her guy that he can't leave her because she said so. Yeah, I can see why they gave the video a slight creepy tone now.

While the song is taking a break the video is doing a take on the horror anthologies from the sixties. There's this hallway shaped like a hexagon with lamps on each side. The man from the beginning of the video stands in the hallway across from the girl. They swap places and it's just all weird. I doubt it means anything more than being strange.

The girl wraps up the song in front of the large monitor again. She insists that her guy has to be her until death. She needs help. The monitor shows the same effect of having several of her but now there's a lot less and her dopplegangers seem lonely. We pull out to see the band again while the P logo plays a couple more times. It's a subliminal message for urinating.






This song is about a woman who won't grow up and let her failed relationship go. She's going to dangerous lengths to prevent herself from facing the inevitable.

I didn't really like the song. I didn't really care for the video either, but I guess it's haunting tone is appropriate for the song.

The awesome thing is the big screen tv. I'll take it even if it's not a color one.

EARTHQUAKE!!!!!!

In Sensurround, too.


We had an earthquake in the Maryland in the early morning. I heard the house rattling for about five seconds. Just as the word earthquake reached my mind it stopped. I don't think anything was knocked over.

To be honest it was kind of lame. At first it felt like lightning or a really low flying jet going over the house. Better luck next time, nature!

Music Video #105 (Day 14 of 2010)

You're all going to be a part of my experimental post. Today (should have been yesterday) I'm watching and typing stuff about The Statue Got Me High. This song was done by They Might Be Giants. Might.





I think Lita is baiting at this point. It's not about drugs at all! It's about something. But not getting high.

The video starts with a close up of a cup of hot coffee. That's a TMBG trademark.

Then BAM, the song proper starts. We see an astronaut costume holding up a rock. Look, I haven't even given an opinion of the video yet. Put it down. One of the singers is standing on a tall cylinder and the other is standing on a squat one that says Neptune. YEAH! NEPTUNE, THE LAST PLANET! The nerds (but I mean it affectionately here) rock on about a stone statue. They sing about how it inspired them. It's like it even kills them because they're so in awe. The astronaut comes to life and rocks with them.

The giants start skateboarding around a tunnel under wherever they are. Maybe it's Cape Canaveral because some guy in a control station launches... a small sky scraper. Sure, why not? The statue is now talking to the singer(s) so I'd expect this kind of thing. It gets a little uncomfortable when the guy starts to say that he prefers the statue to people. Well, all the great minds...am I right?

The giants sing about how the statue made them see the light. So much so that it's like they were disintegrated! The statue literally inspired the hell out of them. We see the skyscraper float around a blue basketball planet. Cut! Your fake Mars landing is all wrong.

The video inverts its colors as we see cardboard cut outs of old astronauts. The giants race around cubes with the planets names on them. One giant skateboards around the cut outs in the hall. Pfft, that statue inspired you to goof off, I think. Singer(s) tell us that there are now sirens. So I guess they really was cooked to dust. Maybe I'm wrong and this is really a song about an evil icon.

We next see various clips of the guys skateboarding and driving mixed with a volcano erupting. The last part of the song is the singers tell us that it's our turn to go up to the statue and be inspired, or be hit by evil statue laser eyes, or whatever the point of this song is. It'll happen. You have no choice. The giants are shown burning. The video ends with one last look at the blue basketball planet.





I don't know what the song is about. It's about being inspired by a statue or it's about a warning against worshiping idols. I'd put my money on the former. The song is ok, but I already like the group so maybe I'm biased. The video has astronauts and that's it.

The awesome part of the video is the skateboarding around the astronaut.

Music Video #104 (Day 13 of 2010)

What a terrible day! Let's fix that by listening to another Presidents of the United States video. This one is about Kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitties.




This video is all about a person singing about their cat. Simple as that. The video has a POV shot roaming around a neighborhood until you realize we're looking at things from a cat's perspective (minus the colors they can't see.)

We start at the back of a dirty car. Some man gets in it and drives away while the camera jumps down and starts running. After a couple seconds it'll click what you're watching. The cat is scampering around an old neighborhood. You can tell by the fact that the grass isn't so green and the one house we see has a lot of weeds. The song starts with the band members making "meow" noises. I'll resist the lazy urge to make a Meow Mix reference.

The singer refers to the cat as a little bag of bones. Funny, I refer to my cats as lumps. The cat slowly sneaks up to the Presidents of the United States in their backyard. Yes, this is where they live and record their music. It's a fact. In the song the cat is at the door scratching and in need of a pet. No wait, he's already inside around the owner's ankle. Time for kitty to mark it's territory. Yes, that's what they do. They have scent glands. Look it up.

Suddenly in the video a dog appears. This chases the camera inside the house. This starts the chorus which is the singer repeating over and over that he wants to touch the cat at his foot. Well, then do it. What's wrong, got a bad back? Then the camera sees a mouse and briefly chases it behind a door. The cat immediately loses interest and goes outside. Some hunter. By the way, your pretend house is really crappy, PotUSs.

The cat walks up to the band from a different angle from last time and lays down on the grass. It looks up at the band. Oh, I've been there. One of the things cats love to do is just stare at certain people they find fascinating. The singer tells us that the cat looks happy and is purring. Awwwwwwwww. The POV cat is distracted by butterflies before walking up to the couch on the other side of the band. Suddenly the singer informs us that the cat decided to claw him through the jeans. That happens, especially when they decide to climb you for no reason.

This version of the song cuts out some choice words to the cat. Eh, they have ten second memories so you can't be too rough on them. A squirt bottle is enough. This cat is going to stay outside, though. The camera is knocked down from some place because it was looking down at the lead singer. We get the chorus again as the cat retreats to the litter box. Or sand box. It's either sick or busy. One of the band members (why are they wearing robes?) puts down food and the POV cat watches an orange tabby take a bite before running back to the front gate to duck under a truck.






Cats, the other mixed-up SOB. I like the song and the idea to show the video from the cat's view. Great stuff.

The awesome part of the video is the decision to show it all from behind the cat's eyes. I wonder what the camera looked like, or if the camera man had to bend over while filming.

Apple prepares iMissiles.

And points them at Consumer Reports.


Well, now that they're outdoing Microsoft it's time for them to become greedy and full of themselves. And don't forget that the open source people were just using Apple against Microsoft, so it's time for them to turn. (Not that anybody will ever care for Linux.)

To the future!

Music Video #103 (Day 12 of 2010)

Ben Folds led off this month, and now he returns a second time. This time we're watching Army.






Like Rockin' The Surburbs, Ben Fold's character is a bit of a loser. Here's he's playing someone who starts the song just finishing high school and thinking about his future. In the video he is leaning over a piano wearing an orange suit. He begins singing about how he at first considered enlisting, but his normally unreliable father told him that it was crazy. That's all Ben needed to hear, and he was off to college. The stage that the piano is on is lit and then surrounded by people getting into their desks and a chalkboard rolled in.

Ben tells us that he lasted three wasted semesters. Well, it didn't help that you were playing piano the entire time. Look at how annoyed your overly polite classmates are. 15 grand in the hole, Ben thinks the army is looking like a great out right now. Instead, he quit school and joined a band. Which is what he should have done in the first place, but noooooooo.

The song transitions by removing the students and school walls. The stage now look like a generic basement. Ben grows a mullet and a mustache (just apply for welfare now) and gets a job at a fast food restaurant. Ah, Chick-Fil-A. Endorsed by Tork's Blog. Despite having something to do with his life for once, Ben quickly finds himself without a band that breaks up and rejoins without him. A heartbroken Ben somehow overcooks an apple pie despite the fact that they don't have them where he works. That's how incompetent he is.

At a bad point in his life, Ben's character just sadly contemplates things. Awww. Suddenly things turn around and he's writing a screenplay. He's in a fake car driving to LA with the Hollywood mountain behind him. He even has sunglasses and a director's scarf. Yep, Hollywood is run by the lazy and unmotivated, as it's output shows again and again. Things are looking up as he starts to attend important parties. Suddenly he's getting gold and platinum records and a major recording deal. Wait, wasn't he writing a script? Eh, I guess it's all the same up there. As long as you know the right people that's enough.

Now there are red, white, and blue balloons falling while a crowd cheers the band on. We learn that he's now being elected. Of course. Celebrities now have the inside track on getting into political power. This isn't exactly what you'd expect after hearing about him burning pre-made apple pies. He's come along way. He's now praying that he'll be a popular politician after a less than perfect life and several ex-wifes that he'd like to forget about. He's really worried that his opponents will learn about his past and use it against him.

Video ends with the lights going out and Ben telling us that he was thinking about that time he considered joining the army.








This is a song about a guy finding success even if the odds were against him. It's a good video and Ben Fold is 2 for 2 so far in songs. I prefer the other song for the record.

The awesome part of the video is the picture that is put up when he's celebrating his election.

Music Video #102 (Day 11 of 2010)

Hey, reader, gonna make some noise, with this video by the Beastie Boys. Clever, huh? The video name is called Sabotage.




I almost wish the video had no lyrics so I can just watch the homage to old 70s crime dramas.

The video begins with an interview with the Beastie Boys. They're dressed like cops and wear cheesy mustaches. An off-camera interviewer asks them if they do their own stunts. We zoom in on one of the boys and he proudly declares that at least he does his own. He also wears a gold chain. Because 70s styles were terrible. He goes on and demonstrates a bit of his cop stunts, which involves punching an invisible guy in the head and then kicking a second attacker. Interviewer is impressed at his training.

The music video proper begins with a siren on top of a cop car. I'm sure this was a trope in 70s shows but now I can't help but think of Police Squad! when I see this. We see several more images like low angles during tight turns and a car crashing through some empty cardboard boxes. YES! That's what a chase needs! You have to hit something. It builds tension. We see a couple quick establishing shots but don't ask me where. Somewhere in New York or California? Not like there's that many other states where American shows take place.

The song starts while one of the Beastie Boys kicks down a fence. YEAH! That's the kind of action we need more of in these videos! I can't really understand the words to this song without looking them up but eh, who cares. The video is fun already. Singer is upset about something. He sings to the bad guy telling him that he knows the crook did something and he'll bring the crook down somehow. He compares the crimes to Watergate, so this video needs a plumber at some point.

We get several quick cuts of the Boys doing police stuff. One of them runs up to a corner and kicks it for no reason. We see a guy with big sideburns carrying groceries and the Boys are suddenly interested in him. The Boys tell the criminal that while he may be distracted by the Boys intensity, that's just a set up to get the criminal. They refer to it as Sabotage. A big red and yellow caption helps us out here on the song title.

We get many dramatic scenes of cars being turned and people jumping from rooftop to rooftop. Suddenly the Boys are in disguises. You have to have a good disguise in a crime drama show. We see a man with white hair and a briefcase leave a motel room. It's Stewart Wallace. YEAH, whoever he is! He's chased by one of the Beastie Boys disguised as a bell boy. It ends with the special guest star pushed in a pool. Now I wish I had a TV cop job. The song tells us that the singer can't be held back easily. The Beastie Boys are already several steps in front of their soon to be arrestee.

My mistake, Stewart Wallace is just a made up name. He's played by MCA, whichever Beastie Boy is that. I just looked that up. Also played by MCA is Nathan Wind, one of the actors who play one of the cops. Ad-Rock plays a police officer getting rough on a suspect. Finally Mike D plays the actor who portrays the inevitable chief. I bet that jerk character demands that his men plays things by the book while sitting behind his desk.

The video takes a sudden break as the guys eat donuts.

Next we see the Nathan Wind character in a knife fight. His victory is so absolute that the knife wielder suddenly falls off the bridge they were on. It happens. OW! We see the criminal land. What did that mannequin do to you guys?! Next one of the Boys chase a man in overalls. We see the final cast member of the show played by Fred Kelly, but I bet he didn't last past the pilot.

The video just gives us what we want at this point: plenty of action! We get cars driving up hills quickly, tied-up people staring at bombs, doors broken down by axes...beautiful. The Boy with the worst mustache gets blown up. The final part of the song is much like the first. We see one man get handcuffed and then dumped on a road in San Francisco. The chief yells, probably because it was against the book. I knew it! The song ends with the Boys posing. Hey, they do have style, despite the styles of the time.

We end with the interview with the same guy now telling us that it's very macho.






Great video, fun song. Do I need to say more?

The awesome part is the entire video. But that's cheating. How about we narrow it down to the knife fight and it's conclusion.

Music Video #101 (Day 10 of 2010)

The Flaming Lips are back for our first post-one hundred video challenge. Their latest weirdness is "The Yeah Yeah Yeah Song." I guess the song is lyrically deficient. Not that I would complain about that.




OK, so I guess there are words in the song that aren't, "Yeah." Still has strangeness in it.

Our video starts with three lit doors. Then a light goes on and a man who looks like Karl Rove stands there. Next we see some Asian women strike sexy poses and brandish cleavers and hacksaws. They start to tape hamburgers to him. So, that's someone's fetish, huh?

Next we're outside and we see a guy wearing a Russian hat and coat. Or, whatever that represents. He's in charge of the prison area we're looking at. Some fat guys are being held back by guards. A young Kim Il Jong makes a cameo appearance on a poster. The Russian hat guy asks us through song, "Would you blow up the world at the flick of a switch?" YeNO! I mean, unless... Quit asking!

He then asks us if I would make everyone poor by just to make me rich. Well I could do that just by [the author's economical views are withheld to protect the author.] I guess the singer expects us to say yes do to the constant "yeah yeah yeah" in the background. Meanwhile we see more of the fat guys crosscut with the women taping more hamburgers to the guy. I think we can see where this is going. Is this video trying to make a political point? Because Lita knows how much I hate those.

Singer asks us if we would sit on our butts while watching everybody work. Umm, I have done that. Believe me. The fat guys are teased with burgers. Would someone get some sports bras for those guys? The hamburger victim even has one taped to his crotch. Yuck. Guy is finally pushed out into the prison and is quickly chased by the (STOP JIGGLING!) fat guys. Singer says that "we" will never know how corrupt they would be without my power. Haw. And I'm not giving it up, either.

One of the fatties leap at victim. Suddenly we're in a kitchen. Plenty of glazed donuts are sitting around. The Asian women drag a blonde in and tape the donuts to her, including her face and her crotch. Why does this video hate crotches so much? The furry hat guy is in a police station bribing cops. I think we're all waaaay ahead of this video now.







Singer asks us if we could counterfeit money. OK, so that's not what he says, but he could have phrased it better. Also, money is just...nah, won't be drawn into this argument. He then asks us if we had all the answers, would we give them to everybody. Yes. Check my ebay account for details. What? I put hard work into learning all the answers. (At this point you can imagine me folding my arms and looking hurt.)

Singer tells us that it's crazy to do such things because you don't know what you'll do with such absolute power. He's got a point, even if he's starring in a weird video where people are being taped to food and attacked. It's not even fair to the blonde because she has one of her eyes covered by a donut. Poor woman even has high heels on. She's luck to keep away from the police as long as she can.

Next victim is... the hat guy himself. TAKE THAT, you sicko! Your communist regime is coming to an end! The women tape and even staple raw red meet to him. Outside we see a street with cops holding a werewolf on a chain. The man is kicked out and the werewolf chases him through, what, somewhere in the Middle East? The man is at least smart enough to immediately rip off the meat on his face. We get a quick montage of the fat guys picking hamburgers off the first victim and cops biting donuts off the second one.

The video ends with the singer just sitting with the werewolf. The werewolf mugs and sings the final synthesize lyrics of the song. Awww, he looks like an animatronic wolf.







I feel weird liking this video when at times it comes off as a PG rated Saw movie. It misses an opportunity by not having the chase scene involve a fruit cart, though. The song is catchy.

The awesome part of the video is the werewolf when it lip-syncs to the song.

Music Video One Hundred (Day 9 of 2010)

Yes, we finally hit that milestone. To celebrate we have today's video by the Eels. The song is called Flesh Blood.


Our centennial post* is about the color red. Imagine if the Virtual Boy was so popular that we were on the third iteration of it and you get the look of this video. In the video we watch a man following a woman for reasons. Let us begin.

[* - Well it feels like it takes me a hundred years to write these things.]




We get a few quick shots of the man and woman. The woman is a brunette wearing a necklace and a pretty dress. The man has a ridiculous beard that looks like he's about to go on an embarrassing talk show so he's disguising himself. Adding to that effect is his sunglasses at night. No, they don't make you look cool!

Woman is walking down the back street of some place. There's no one around and this doesn't look safe at all. The man is following her around some corner. He has what looks to be a dog cane, too. Or maybe it's a dog gun. Dog umbrella handle? The singer takes the point of view of the stalker. He sings about how the crappy day is over and he can't get this woman out of his head. Easy there, buster. You have a cool cane but that's not enough to win a girl's heart.

(Is it? Don't tell me it was that easy!)

Man is singing that this girl he's infatuated with is way different from all the other girls in his life. He's bored of them. He likes her because she's different. The title reflects how he's convinced that she's a break from all those other women that weren't for him. "WHOO!" Gah! This guy is a terrible stalker as the woman, who was already looking over her shoulder, looks back after this outburst from the song. The guy howls some more, and makes me wonder if he's suppose to be a werewolf. It does explain his hairy face and the constant cuts to the moon.

A car drives by and the driver and his dog stares at the stalker. They seem to be disgusted by the guy. Hey, you can't judge him unless you've stalked too! Or something. Meanwhile the woman is now walking on train tracks. Where the heck is she going? Singer tells us that he's more alone then ever. It's a chilly autumn night (not in the video) and he really needs the girl. So far this month we've had songs that sound like yearning but look like trailing. The man leans over from behind a building to peek at the woman. Yeah, you'll catch her soon Solid Snake.

He repeats the deal about how he needs some flesh blood in his life. Finally in the video the woman turns around and notices him. Her defense is to...circle him. His response is to... stand still. That was kind of a letdown. I guess she feels she doesn't need mace. The video ends...

Oh wait, it's only halfway over. We get to the next part of the song where WHAT THE?! Ok, now things get weird. There's a Mexican wrestler thrown into the mix. The singer tells the object of his affections that the fear she has? In her heart she knows it's not real. Of course, he could have made his point a bit less awkwardly phrased. Woman looks back once again, but she's defeated by the man's ability to look at his own feet.

There were actually two Mexican wrestlers, and we're getting closer to a showdown. The wrestlers walk up to the man and he points a gun at them. No wait, it's his dog cane. Hey, his cane was lowered, but then he raised it! Get it!?

An action scene breaks out. The stalker wins by his patented cane push move. The wrestlers are left to curse at the moon. It's not the moon's fault, you dopes, unless gravitation played a part in the fight. Singer finishes the song by telling the girl that she needs to rescue him. Yeah, this is going to be a healthy relationship. Finally the woman decides to run.

Not for long, though. She lost him by ducking into a wearhouse, but now she's at a home with a pool in the back. Then she WHOA. Then she strips down to a bikini and dives in. She swims to a reflection of the moon in the pool. Sadly, the man had caught up to her, and is greeted with her dull surprise. Fade to black.









As you can see the song is about a guy who's had failure in past loves and thinks the new girl is totally different. The video takes a much different tone and makes it about a guy who's on a mission. He's like an animal after his prey.

This video was a nice change of pace. The song is slower paced then the previous days this month and is descent. The video is nice to look at.

The awesome part of the video that is not the pool or bikini is the wrestlers. What do they have to do with anything? Nothing, unless they represent the stalker's past. But they were so out of nowhere that I had to like them.

Music Video #100 (Day 9 of 2010)

404'D!


Sorry, I know I said I'd do two today, but I'm only going to do one and do two tomorrow. Hopefully for real this time.




I apologize to my fans for continually falling behind and hope they can forgive me for my tardy ways.

Music Video #99 (Day 8 of 2010)

Today's video is about love, like a lot of songs are. It is sung by the returning Nick Cave and is titled, "Get Ready for Love."





Sorry to disappoint wurwolf, but it's not that kind of love. It's about people's relationship with God. This video is set at a concert. The background is a dark blue and there are several color lights to flash on the band. The band has a drummer, keyboard player, guitarist, and pretty back-up singers. Nick starts by singing that we should "Get Ready for Love!" Hey, you were ready to get some love in the last music video I saw you in.

The first verse is about how when times are peaceful we tend to get distracted by our daily lives and don't pay attention to God as much. I'm sure many a Christian will nod their head at this. Well, Nick and his band are here like preachers reminding you to praise your God. One of the back-up singers gives the raise the roof gesture. Probably best to just pray and not worry about the ceiling.

The song just repeats the chorus at this point. The girls shake it a little and when the song ends Nick puts a towel on his head. Preaching is tiring work.








This is a good song. It's not what I'd expect at mass because it's not organ hymns but it's good stuff for Christian related functions. I have to admit that whenever I think of popular rock I think of Bart Simpson's line about how all the cool rock partners with Satan.

The awesome part of the video is when the back-up singers shaked their hips a bit....Does that make me a bad Christian?

No video tonight.

So you get two tomorrow.

Music Video #98 (Day 7 of 2010)

Today's video is dedicated to Maila Nurmi. It's Vampira by The Devin Townsend Band.



Hey look, heavy metal. Is it me, or is heavy metal hard purer than most genre? I mean, it's hard to deviate from "Hail Satan and screw what your parents say!" It's not like you'll hear "Jesus EFFING Rocks!; DON'T Go To Hell!" in church.

This song is called Vampira but it's really about our lead singer dressed in a devil costume. We start at the outside of a graveyard with a full moon. We see a quick evil letter flash on the moon. Is this a subliminal message from the Devil!? We're introduced to the band name and the song's title, the latter bleeding like a cheesy movie. Bats take us to a spot in the cemetery where our lead singer begins.

As he sings, we cut to a comic book which shows several different clips from the graveyard. It even has yellow boxes that describe Vampira, who we see in one of the panels. She does one of those Sixties dance deals. (That's as far as my knowledge of dancing goes.) Devil guy sings about how he feels sad when she's gone and he needs the strength to go on. Awwww, it's a regular love story dressed up in red pajamas!

Devil guy flashes several devil signs to remind us that he's a devil. And a heavy metal guy. Vampira points to him from another panel. She doesn't have much to do in this video besides look crazy. Meanwhile devil guy has himself a band thanks to some skeleton guys. Take that, Disney! Again, he sings about how the darkness comes while his gal is away. Oh, don't be so insecure. He sings about how his mind is now full of hate, but I think he really means jealousy or something like that. We see Vampira grow bat wings because she needs them for her deviant art account. He finally commands his girlfriend to kneel for him. I think he's coming on too strong but maybe it's just different for heavy metal...ers.

Oh, you dork. Now he's dancing in the graveyard. Why can't we have more enjoyable vampire films like this? He repeats how he feels with his gal leaves him, this time making it sound more intense. He dances around more while repeating the line about hate being his co-conspirator. (This goofiness makes me think of any one on the Internet who can't take criticism.) The video ends with everyone rocking out and a final look at the comic book pages. We're reminded that Vampira still walks the earth and causes madness. Just like any woman! Har!








While this genre isn't really my thing, the singer has a goofy charm to him. He taught me that even demons suffer from heart ache.

I'm glad they didn't try to make Vampira too sexy. I don't understand the pointy teeth/crazed look fetish.

The awesome part is whenever the singer would just dance. It sells the video.

Music Video #97 (Day 6 of 2010)

Today's video, and not yesterday's video, is by Massive Attack. It is entitled Teardrop. Pffft, I can survive a teardrop.





I see where they were going with this video. I just don't think they got there.

We start in a dark, wet place. The walls look organic and there's some kind of...cord? Wait is this what I think it is? Before long, a tiny hand confirmed what I thought I was looking at. We're inside a womb looking at a cgi baby. Specks of womb debris float around, and the video at time treats it like snow flakes.

The music starts and we get to problem number one. I just can't understand the singer. After, "Love, love" I can't understand a word she says. The first time I watched the video I just tuned the lyrics out. It was the only way I could make the first go. She's singing very lovingly, I guess.

Love, to her, is a verb. True, but it can also be a noun. Oh, I should shut up. It's a verb to her because it's an action. And boy is she not afraid to say it! At least that's what I'm sure "fearless on my breath" means.

Actually, looking at the lyrics now I can see that they are meant to be poetic because I can't figure them out. "Teardrop on fire", "Most faithful mirror", "Nine night of matter" are all great examples. From the way she sings the song, I'm sure it all means, "lovey dovey wuvey loviness."

The womb lights up a bit as the baby opens its eyes. Do babies really do that? I can't even open my eyes in a pool. At this point we come to my second problem with this video. The baby sometimes sings to the song. I'm sure the video makers thought that this would be cute, and maybe deep or touching, but it just doesn't work. The uncanny valley hurts here.

Now we get a shot of the baby just chilling. Suddenly the lights go on and I guess it's about to drop some phat beats. We look downward at the source of the light. I guess it's showtime for the baby. Or not. The light goes off and we get more singing. The baby sings in the darkness which is suppose to be poignent or thought provoking or whatever the lyrics are going for. After the baby starts to look nervous we get more light, and the baby reacts. This time it looks like someone is shooting fireworks outside. So it's time for bir...or not. Huh. I guess it's a tough job being an unborn baby. Time for a nap, I guess.




I guess this song is sweet but I found the execution lacking. Also, the way the singer would sing high notes on the wrong syllables annoyed me. I'll have to give this song a thumbs down.

The awesome thing is when the baby looks like it's about to start air drumming.

Music Video #96 (Day 5 of 2010)

Today's music video is St. Vincent. It is Jesus Saves, I Spend. Wait, what?

Ok, this is going to be an interesting video.





We start with St. Vincent (I assume that's what she goes by and it's not a band name) walking down a street. She walks up to a door and inside there are a few kids sleeping on the floor. They awake to see the door (doors now?) part and we see St. Vincent enter. St., huh? Is it too early to detect a messianic streak? She sings that while Jesus saves people, she spends not money, but her time doing stuff in the background. Said background has quotes of famous saints on them. The kids run up and give her a hug. We see someone set up lights and she takes off her coat to sing the next part. Not to be mean, but while she's not unattractive, there's something ...off about her. Like she's too skinny and it's causing a bug-eyed effect. File that under, "Just an observation."

She sings that while other's are having a darn good time on Christmas, she's just alone with "another absentee." Who's that? Come on, song. Help me out. I'm kind of slow with musical lyrics. Is it the devil? Nah, the video sets her up as a positive thing. Anyway, it turns out that the kids she hangs out with are boy scouts. One of the poor guys is stuck in a tied up sleeping bag. Look out for mutant bears. The scouts start dragging lights around and they also drag the poor sleeping bag kid. One of the kids makes a fire. One of them prays on a rock. One of them is indoors and thinking about a suddenly appearing sandwich. He wins a patch for a "mind sandwich." Say, they didn't mention mind sandwiches when they tried pitching the boy scouts to me. The lady sings about while other people sit on their duffs watching tv and drinking beer, she spends her time sculpting art. At least that's what I gather from the second verse.

More badges are handed out. Sleeping bag kids gets one for escape. Another kid gets one for eating books. Add boy scouts to things people will now bitch about for being dumbed down. One kid captures a caterpillar that hums to the "Bum bum bum bum"s that we hear throughout the song.






Next we see kids looking at the sky and reading science magazines. St. Vincent mentions the absentee again. Is it a boyfriend? Give more hints! She really believes in this absentee and declares that he will be the one who saves her. HEY KID! Don't look into that sudden eclipse!!! These kids are a handful. Next up St. Vincent is reading a story to the kids. She sings about how she's setting up a play. I think. It could be a metaphor but I'll take literal interpretation for the moment. The audience loves the play but meh, she thought it was a waste of her time. The audience threw a bunch of flowers and she ignores it.

Meanwhile in the video one of the kids REALLY likes our protagonist. Then we see the kids play the special guest star, Swamp Thing. That's the absentee? Suddenly a war breaks out between the kids. At least that's how it looks as they push over a few plants and toss sticks. The video ends with the kids sleeping on the floor of whatever building St. Vincent locks them up in. And one of the kids got a badge for the hat he wore.

I was worried going into this that it was a "Screw religion and or Christianity!" video, but now I'm getting more of a "You guys might like this Christianity stuff, but I'm not feeling it" vibe. Or maybe I'm completely not getting it. She does seem to feel isolated, probably from more showy Christians.




I don't hate this song and video, but I'm just kind of shrugging at it.

The awesome thing about this video is the caterpillar. Hum it, little guy!

Music Video #95 (Day 4 of 2010)

Today's video welcomes back the band that introduced the July Challenge to the world. The Chemical Brothers bring you The Salmon Dance.




Interesting.

This song is about some fish in a tank singing to a kid. It's one of those, "Here's a brand new dance and here's how it goes!" songs.

We start with some kid in bed in his large home. (What kind of lamp is that?) He is awoken by a loud but admittedly catchy beat. He walks through an unfinished room that might be a gross bathroom. He sees a big aquarium and walks up to it.

Whoa, the fish suddenly swim away and we get a record scratch. Ah, the record scratch. You'll continue to be around for a long time. Kid walks up to the fancy aquarium and we get a couple minutes of tension. The only fish we see are a blow fish, a piranha, and a red bug-eyed fish.

Suddenly the piranha starts talking to the kid, and he doesn't react at all. (CUT! Take it from the top!) The piranha is the leader and he introduces himself as Fat Lip. The red fish is a salmon named Sammy, although the quick image search I did doesn't match the fish in this video. Besides a new dance we're also going to learn some fun facts about salmon. Aww, why leave the other fish out? Oh yeah, they're dull, that's what.

The song is a rap, and it's slow enough and non-threatening so most can enjoy it. Oh wait, it's hip hop. Yes, I'm the type that can't tell the difference. I'm what scientist call a Whitus Boyus. I love how the blow fish puffs to the beat. Nice touch there.

The other fish start to come out as we learn that anyone can do this song as long as you have style. Doh! Basically you put your hands to the side and move your body like a salmon moving up stream. Does this dance involve people being snatched up by hungry bears?

Next we see several seahorses line up. Now, I loved the visuals in Let Forever Be, and here we have a great moment where the seahorses tails create a spiral effect from the side.

Our first fun fact about salmon is that they spend part of their lives in fresh water and the other part in salt water. Our second is that they don't last too long after spawning. I guess that explains the Dr. Zoidberg episode where his people died after mating in the ocean. What a way to go. Sammy the "salmon" talks like he's from Microsoft text-to-speech software.

Did I say that this song was non-threatening? Well it is, but only cause they took out some obvious swears in the next part of the song. Let's just say that The Salmon Dance wasn't an immediate hit. It confused people and they were afraid of its wild ways. Kid is on the floor, probably delirious. He moves his foot to simulate pushing one of the fish. Anyway, it wasn't long until people got The Salmon Dance and the other fish accepted it and they evolved, or whatever it is that happens when people accept something so radical.



Suddenly the fish, including all the seahorse, line up and a fancy angel fish emerges from the pebble bottom. Kid is so into it now that he starts kissing some yellow fish pressing up on the glass. Sammy tells us that fish have a better sense of smell than dogs (TAKE THAT!) and bears (ALSO TAKE THAT!) and they use it to find home. Salmon also rely on tides, current, and the friggen moon gravitational pull. Well la-de-da, Sammy. Can you invent a smart phone? I think not. Fat Lip is impressed by these latest facts, though. To illustrate the last point, a car flies to the moon. Wait, huh?

BUT WAIT! More facts! Sammy can go to Japan and back. From where? I want to know now. Wait, he doesn't mean from the moon, does he? Nah. Several fish come out of the underwater castle and form a cube. This is also a neat visual. It also shows us that the fish tank is bigger on the inside than on the outside. Next the fish make a double helix. Our last fact is not so fun. Pollution can kill both adult and baby salmon. Kind of goes without saying, huh? Kid responds to the sudden preachiness by throw food in the tank to assuage his guilt, but the fish are having none of that easy way out. One of the yellow fish commits suicide just to make sure that the kid spends every waking moment thinking about them. Or maybe not since the kid never notices the cat running off with the fish.

The song is over and Fat Lip asks for a round of applause. He gets it, but not from the kid. But fish can't clap. FISH CAN'T CLAP!!! The video ends with Fat Lip asking who's hungry. Oh yeaaaaah, the piranha thing. The other fish run away and we see a treasure chest toy opening up and closing three times. I guess that's the "Waah waaah waah waaah WAAAAAAAH" of the fish world.



This is a decent song, although compared to the other Chemical Brothers song I prefer the other one. I'll admit that at first I didn't think I would like this song but now I've warmed up to it.

The awesome thing is the spiral seahorse tail scene, just beating out the fish cube.