Court TV

The other day I was walking by the tv in the living room and I saw an episode of the modern Divorce Court. That's a good excuse for me to talk about the court shows I used to watch as a kid.

I used to watch the USA Network a lot as a kid. It had The Cartoon Express, which I could write about in another blog update. It also had three back-to-back court programs. They were all shows that reenacted court cases for tv.

The first show was Divorce Court. The people on this show were actors, I think, and they were generally portrayed as adults compared to real people who go on the modern shows. Actually, let me rephrase that. These people could be really petty and vindictive, but in a comparatively adult way.

I don't think I really remember too much about this show. It was aired first and I wasn't that interested in it. I don't even remember the procedure for verdicts. The only thing I really remember is that the wives always talked about their sex lives. If the husband committed adultery, the wife would inevitably talk about how the sex was "hot and heavy." One time a wife walked in on a cheating husband and they were "rolling" around on the floor. Now at the time I knew what sex was, but what I imagined was still goofy. I wish I could take that memory and post it because it was silly.


The second show was my favorite of the three, The Judge. This was about a likable old judge who did cases in a closed court room. I think I can still remember the theme song. It had no jury and the judge would usually dismiss himself to deliberate. I think it was this show that I had the most fun just picking who I thought would win, although I'm not sure if I was picking based on the case or who I liked better. Since I was a kid, it's most likely the latter.

One court case that stands out in my mind was a rape case where two women raped a man. The man testified that he was tied down and the women raped him. The first woman testified that he was a big creep. The second woman revealed, over the protest of the first one, that the man had continually raped an 18 year old that eventually comitted suicide. The first woman cut the man 18 times because of that. The judge gave the second woman a lighter sentence then the first one and promised that there would be a investigation for the man. I remember thinking that justice was going to get the man but my mom was far more cynical.

Another case was about a kid who jumped off a roof. The plaintifs were suing the parents of the kid's friend because supposedly the friend was also on the roof or something. Sorry, my memory isn't helping. The trial revealed that the first kid was neglected by his parents. At one poin it was brought up that the wife (ex-wife?) would bring some stranger into her bedroom and close her door. The Judge talked to the friend and the friend said that he promised not to tell and that he had to be loyal. I think The Judge finally went to the boy himself, who jumped because he wanted to be like Superman or something. The Judge awarded on the Defendants side AND chewed out the plaintiffs for their neglectful ways.


The third show was Superior Court. This reenacted jury style court room cases. Memorably, the narrator would remind us that the names were changed to protect the innocent, "...and the guilty!" I didn't like this show as much as The Judge, and I think there's a reason why. The Judge was a likable guy and the good guys seemed to win on his show. Superior Court was different and there was a few times the bad guys won.

One case included a small company that got sued because a kid drank their detergent(?). The parents sued the company because there wasn't a safety cap. The small company said it couldn't afford safety caps The small company's lawyer made the father confess that he bought the detergent off a truck and made the mom confess that she left the detergent out in the open. She may have even left it open, but maybe not. (I'm not sure about this last part. You would think even the dumbest jury would realize that this blows the case away, but then again...) Anyway, the kid was trotted out and spoke with one of those electronic things, and cried. Small company lost and the mean judge ordered them to have safety caps.

Another case involved a young lawyer who had to defend a racist who was accused of buring a cross on someone's lawn. Just before trial he told the lawyer that his friend was going to *wink, wink* testify for him. The lawyer realized that he just pulled this guy out of nowhere for a phony alibi, and the show was now about this young lawyer and her moral dilemna. She called a more experience lawyer and they discussed just ignoring the witness or not mentioning the witness in her closing argument. The lawyer finally chose to be held in contempt, and the racist got off in a retrial. It was furious watching this episode unfold, although now I have to wonder if the young lawyer was a little naive.

One more case where the bad guy seemed to win was about a mother that accused her son-in-law of being responsible for the death of her daughter. I think the case was pretty convincing but I'd have to see it again. Towards the end of the trial the mother collapsed in court and the DA ordered a retrial. However, the narrator informed us that the mother died and the retrial was thrown out. That was a depressing ending.


One thing about these three shows that I like compared to today is that people wouldn't talk over each other. The reason why I like Judge Judy is that she yells at idiots and constantly tells them to shut up and wait their turn. Of course these are reenactments, but the behavior of the actors is refreshing compared to the "real people" court shows that they show today.