My essay is about Pierce Brosnan. He is most known for setting a record for the number of times an actor was almost James Bond, but he's done so much more then that.
Pierce's earliest breakthrough into show business happened when a circus agent saw him eating fire. Pierce trained under a clown and this is where he learned some of the quips used in his Bond movies. The clown is still on a government list.
Pierce was also trained to be an actor. He had a number of roles in dramas, including Mrs. Doubtfire. One of his breakthrough roles was a Master Piece Theater documentary, which he got a role in because he sounded Britishy. His most famous role of his early career was in Fourth Protocol, which led to his first connection to a movie that led to a video game.
Pierce also starred in Remington Steele somewhere around this time. It's about some woman who's bored so she opens a detective agency and hires "Remington" so they can have some "will they or won't they?" moments. The show was soon cancelled after the disatrous NBC poll to answer this question. "Yes" and "no" were tied, while "Ronald Reagan" and "I want to see Care Bears" got more votes.
In the nineties Pierce starred in his most beloved role, the model for the main character in Goldeneye for the Nintendo 64. This game is awesome and may have single-handedly saved Nintendo's butt during the late nineties. Starring in video games is now Pierce's main source of income. Rumors that he will appear in Super Smash Bros Brawl still persist.
Pierce also starred in a number of Bond films. Goldeneye was the first, and critics liked him, even if they thought his speech where he dissed NBC and Timothy Dalton was "...a little bitter." Pierce proved to be very professional in the role, since he didn't look completely ridiculous in a movie where his love interest was Denise Richards. He even restrained himself from punching Madonna in the face after he heard her theme song for his last Bond film. The studios ordered Pierce to star in really dumb movies so that his Bond films looked like masterpieces in comparison. "Mars Attacks!" and "Dante's Peak" were perfect for this. Well, except for "Die Another Day."
Pierce's first wife made an appearance in "For Your Eyes Only", which is more proof a The Bond Conspiracy. This is still being investigated by MI6. Top agent "Lara Croft" is unavailable for questions.
Pierce was going to star in a fifth Bond movies, but producer Albert Broccoli wanted a Bond who had hair like Mike Nelson. At this poin Pierce's career was over, but critics love him so much that they pretend that he occasionally stars in a movie and speak well of his performance.
Since Pierce is Irish, we know the reason why he signed up for "Die Another Day." Agent "Lara" has yet to confirm his role in the non-existant Catholic Conspiracy, though.
To sum up, I'll quote the famous tagline to his 1994 movie, "Lawnmower Man."
Your ass is grass, and I'm the mower.
1 comment:
That was very informative, T-Dog. I certainly learned a lot about Pierce Brosnan today.
But is he a drinker?
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