Tork Book Club: Tomb Raider: The Man of Bronze

Ok, I wish I could start this with a stronger book. When I mentioned a "Tork's Book Club" back in January I imagined I would give my thoughts on the Discworld series among other books I've read. Sadly, my poor memory has forced me to put this off for a while. Now I'm going to discuss the book in question since I just finished reading it and it should be fresh in my mind.

I would just like to say that there are

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!!

Ok, I don't need to poin this out, but Lara Croft is a video game character with big boobs. If you think I'm a perv for saying that, then I would poin out her hype during her early years. It was all about her breasts. It was very annoying since her first game was a genuine classic, and the second had it's moments, but the video game magazines all focused on her chest. The very people who now put her down are probably the same people who were drooling over her back in 1996.

Oh, and Lara is a British (former?) aristocrat who has Indiana Jones-like adventures. I would mention her backstory but they changed it from the first game to the fourth game to the movies. Her choice of weapon is two pistols.

This is the third of three novels. The first novel was written in an attempt to provide background from the time Lara "died" at the end of her fourth game and when she reappeared in the sixth game. The other two have no specific connection to the series. Each novel was written by a different SciFi author.

The plot of this last novel is much like the plot found in a video game. While the first novel had Lara travel with some Muslims and had many discussions about their culture, this novel sets up a plot where Lara finds some artifact and must go find three MacGuffins. Action persues. This novel differs from the last two in that it's written in the first person and much more violent.

The plot revolves around a sophisticated, mysterious "robot" that's made of bronze. It was once broken 10000 years ago into many pieces and is trying to reattach it's parts. The setup to this story has Lara meeting with an old friend at a secret hostpital after he survives an attack. The friend has a briefcase handcuffed to his arm. While at the secret hospital in Warsaw, mercenaries attack. This includes some very violent stuff, including the scene where Lara takes out one guard by stabbing him in the heart. It's rather nasty because she pretended to be on drugs to lure him to her legs and considered kissing him to silence his last breath. Later on a bomb goes off and sends shrapnel into a guy's head. The only time I can remember the other novels being this violent was the end of the second novel, and that was an accidental death involving the bends.

Anyway, Lara finally finds out what's in the briefcase. It's suppose to be a map to the other parts. Lara then meets the Bronze Man, who we find out is the inspiration for the myth of Osiris. Bronze has contacts all over the world and has united many religions just so he can find his missing parts. (In exchange, he offers his brain to catch many criminals.) In this case, he only needs his leg. An attack by a nemesis pushes Lara to go find the three pieces of the leg and to get revenge.

The video game plot is now set up. The next three sections of the book has Lara teaming up with an old friend and investigating where the next piece is. Stage two involves an old Russian friend and a cave. She learns about the mysterious radiation of the bronze parts (including a part with a charging mastadon) and it's effect on people. Stage three has them teaming up with a sea captain and fighting against zombies. Stage four has those three teaming up with an Aborigine woman while fighting giant spiders (ICK!), an giant alligator, and having an obligatory temple to raid. The final part of the novel is a face off between Lara and the villian behind everything and her nemesis.

We spend the novel inside Lara's head, and she's really the only character to get much characterization. She is often thinking her way out of situations, and her catchphrase is, "Ok, new strategy!" Lara's three companions are old friends which was probably done so the author didn't have to spend too much time establishing them. The nemesis doesn't make too many appearances either, and is just an arrogant bastard. The only character that isn't Lara that the book goes into details about isn't introduced until the last stage of the book.

The plot of the book is fast paced. The chapters are titled by the location that Lara is at. Lara and her friends never stay too long at one location.

If there's one thing I would remove from this book, it's the scene where Lara wakes up after being tranquilized. She finds herself in a cell wearing lingerie. It turns out that the big bad guy really likes women and had her dressed up so he can later seduce her. Lara says that she doesn't feel like anything happened, but I still object to a novel throwing in even a hint of rape. Tomb Raider is about escapist adventures and there's really no need for that kind of garbage. I really don't like it when rape is tossed in to make the reader hate the bad guy more, even if it's done for "realism." Female adventurers shouldn't have to put up with this crap, and since this is escapism there's no excuse for it. I would have removed the paragraph or two that this issue was brought up.

On a lighter note, I must poin out that in the Lara Croft universe, apparently James Bond, Sherlock Holmes, and Tarzan are real people. I think the author was being a little too cute when he mentioned that these families were blessed by the radiation of the bronze pieces.

Also, may I poin out that I hate spiders? This is the third thing connected to Tomb Raider that involved giant spiders. The second game had jumping tarantulas in the first level, and giant spiders in the next to last level. It took me several hours and liberal use of a grenade thrower to get through a fifteen minute area. The third game's final boss was a giant mutant man-spider. He was a little easier to face against but I still would rather jump in the lava then have him touch me. This novel has to big spiders and said that the spiders had webbing that looked like part of the jungle. I don't think I'll be going to any jungles anytime soon.

Anyway, I'll admit that the Tomb Raider novels are more junk food fun then anything, but I'll miss the series.





Currently Reading: Diamonds Are Forever by Ian Fleming

Last Read: Tomb Raider Lara Croft: The Man of Bronze