Avoiding Spoilers

The much anticipated and ultimately disappoining (this hasn't been confirmed yet) last novel in the Harry Potter series is coming out this weekend. Fans have been pouring over every detail looking for clues about what's going to happen. I can't wait to find out who the heck R.A.B. is. I also bet you Hagrid dies.

The only thing that we can all count on is this: there's going to be spoilers everywhere on Friday, if not sooner. I try to avoid spoilers as much as possible when it comes to something I really anticipate, so let's look at some ways to avoid spoilers.



1) Stay the hell away from television news. Now, up till Friday the news won't give away any big spoilers. Still, it will talk about the book and probably hint at some rumors mentioned by some big fans who got early copies. It won't be until next week, or maybe even this weekend when news reports will start talking about major spoilers. They'll try to diguise them as fans' shock or disgust. "Harry Potter fans were disgusted at the revelation that Harry shot Abe Lincoln." "Kids were upset to find out that Hagrid was arrested for arranging dog fights." So avoid the news.

2) Avoid tv in general. For the big networks, the news is advertised all day, so you can't watch them or you'll run into annoying teasers. I also recommend staying away from sports channels because sportscasters are so trendy that the Harry Potter jokes will be numerous, especially as early rumors surface.

The old movies channel might be a safe bet for now. Unless they mix old movies with trendiness.

3) Avoid the friggen hell out of forums. Not any specific forums. Just any forums. Spoiler jerks are going to post "_______ KILLS ______!!!!!!!" in the topic header everywhere they can, so forums are your worst enemies. Even if you think you can cherry pick your forums and get to a topic that has nothing to do with Potter, you still have to worry about signatures and avatars. Those can sneak up on you.

4) Avoid websites which display the latest headlines in news. Just yesterday I was going to my favorite website for news and politics and one of the headlines mentioned the possible tone in Deathly Hallows. Now, the headline was probably speculation and the website is a partisan one, but I really want to go into the last novel without anything influencing my anticipation. I don't want to become defensive and start lowering my expectations.

5) Avoid jokey websites. I would definitely stay away from sites like ytmnd.com, which quickly had the big spoiler for the last Harry Potter book. Also avoid encyclopedia websites. Wiki spoiled Half-Blood Prince for me.

6) Avoid loud-mouth friends. Not a problem for a loner like me, but I have one solution for this. Guns. Lots of them. Hopefully you live in an area where you can get a permit to carry a lot of guns. Like, in your arms. All at once. And make sure to tell your friends ahead of time that you don't want to hear any spoilers at all or you'll shoot someone. They have to believe you'll really shoot them for this to work.

7) Avoid overhearing conversations. One time I was on a bus going home, and two guys started talking about a movie. I eventually figured out that they were talking about the big spoiler to Sixth Sense. I recommend sticking cotton in your ear when you go to the mall or book store to buy the book, since you never know when you'll run into a spoiler jerk.

8) Avoid kids. They can't read, but they sure can gossip.



I'll end it here. I think my poin is obvious. Just buy a book quickly and lock yourself in a sound proof room until you're done. I prefer to wait for the paperback, but this weekend I'll pick up a copy and read it as fast as I can.

And now, I'll avoid reading comments to this post.