four minutes. Altered Beasts. Do stuff.
Okay. After four minutes of intense scrutiny I can tell you beyond the shadow of a doubt, Ladies and Gentlemen, that this game is really gay.
The game starts with God or somebody calling you up and telling you to do something that's hard to read on the tiny screen you get with emulators these days. It's dumb. The good thing about it, though, is we find out about God's speech impediment as he commands us to "Wise fwom youw gwaaaave!"
That's us with the tiny noggin and the pink tankini.
You wanter around beating up other guys who also chose today to wise fwom theiw gwaves. Your dude has a punch, but I found myself mainly using the crotch kick.
Every once in a while one of the dead guys will drop a power up that will give you more muscles and fewer clothes. Get enough of these and this happens to you:
You turn into a grinning wolfman.
Tork spent all July bitching at me about imaginary furries in the music videos I sent him and then he sends me this game. Hm.
Wolfman does ok for himself, I guess. He shoots stuff and sometimes he turns into a cone and piledrives people. Yes he does.
Eventually you get to this horny guy with the friendly grin. He's the level boss.
He likes to detatch his heads and shoot them at you. I don't know where my wolfman went. I guess the frame flick--
Oh. There he is. Huh. That was unintentional.
Eventually the level boss will kill you and you'll lose all your lives. This signals that you beat the game. The ending is pretty crappy, though. It just takes you back to the opening menu.
3 comments:
As much as I adore werewolves, I do have to agree with you. That dude is a total furry. Torrk, what is your problem? You're obsessed with furries.
By the way, that one shot of the furry leaning up against the boss? That's called yiffing.
I picked this game because it was the pack-in for the Genesis. It's kind of a fun in a short arcade kind of way.
I never thought of this game as a furry thing since I played it as a young pre-teen and that thing wasn't known to me at the time. It still seems rather innocent to me.
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