Parodius: Level 2

Tork has not yet sent me today's game and I'm in the mood for some game blogging, so now, without warning, level 2 of Parodius!

We started out, as usual, flying through the void of space. eventually land comes into view and we see our first indications of the level's theme.

This part is pretty tame. I think it's here to provide a false sense of security for what's ahead. The constellations in the back are kind of cool.

I mostly took this shot because I finally got a shield for my penguin! It's that bubble. It will not last long.

Here's the real meat of this level... these horrible horrible clowns. They belch lots of bubbles at you and are difficult to avoid. I don't think they're killable, but I was concentrating more on avoiding their bubbles than on destroying them, so I could be wrong.

Those gift boxes are bastards too. They spew millions and millions of Hudson bees. Really this whole clown/bee section is the game's first tribute to Fuck You. I like the music here, though. It's from the Nutcracker Suite. The Parodius games all have fantastic music.

I have captured here my first instance of savestating myself into an unavoidable death. I'm sure it will not be the last.

If you lose a life you come back without your powerups. It's sad.

Soon we fly into another section with a floor and a ceiling and everything seems cool until this starts creeping up behind you. I think officially she's called The Vegas Showgirl, but when we were in high school my friend and I affectionately nicknamed her Carla the Stripper and we sang to her.

She's one of my favorite enemies in video games.

You can't kill Carla, and why would you want to? She's not mean or anything, she's just hanging out, trying to do her act. She won't break her routine for anybody, not even flying space penguins. You have to avoid her. This means flying under her legs and timing it so she steps over you.

I've heard Carla is a parody of some non-sexy crab robot thing from Gradius. Who cares, though, right? Carla is obviously the superior mini-boss.

Get to the other side and these other bastard penguins try to horn in. At least they're easy to kill.

You're not done yet, though, Carla starts coming back the other way.

She's not bad once you get the hang of things. (And if you're a big lousy cheater like me and use save states...)


We get out and are on our way to the level boss and I get my favorite bell powerup for this game, the bullhorn! Grab a silver bell and you can defeat your enemies with the power of Engrish.

YOU'RE WELCOME!!

The boss is the American Eagle. Do not let your patriotism stand in your way. This bird must die.

I LEFUSE TO LEARN ENGLISH IN YOUR COUNTLY! HOW DO YOU RIKE THAT, UNCRE SAM?

He retaliates by taking away my megaphone and making me mute. It's ok. I still have bullets.

The American Eagle is dead. I feel like a terrorist.